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What to do for love marriage when parents dont agree?


Date: 09 Feb 2011   Posted By: N. charith kumar     Group: Family & Life    Category: Marriage   

i am 26 yrs old man from mangalore my cast is Poojaris and i m in love with a girl from past 12yrs who is from SC/ST caste here my problem is our both parents are again our marriage and the girl is not ready to get register marriage we tried to convince our parents and both the parents opposed for our marriage now my girlfrd is not calling me or sending msgs .. she wanted me to convince her parents and i tried my level best to convince but in the last meeting she said infront of our family members that until and unless her parents wont agree she wil not marry me from that day til now i m convincing her through mails ... its been more than 2 months she is not interacting with me..

plz suggest me as i cant leave without her and want to lead my entire life with her..




Author: waseem    15 Feb 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 2    Voting Score: 0

Dear friend i can understand your situation.But i think she is right you have to convince her parents.Actually parents means a lot for us. they spend and do their best for the happiness of their kids. Although they are not understanding their love but try your level best. Our parents can not understand us properly because of the generational gap. Their thoughts are almost half century older than us.But still if you try your best to convince them i bet they they will understand you. But if this not happens you can decide what to do. Because life is yours and choice must be yours. But firstly try your level best to convince them.

Author: Sushila S Iyengar    15 Feb 2011      Member Level: Gold     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0

It is clear from what you have said is initially your parents were also against marriage with your girl friend. But, then she wanted you to convince her parents. That means, your parents have agreed to your marriage with her. Right.

Next step was you tried to convince her parents since she demanded that in front of your family members. What did you do to convince her parents?

I suggest, you meet her parents personally along with your girl friend and tell them you love each other so much for the past 12 years and it is high time that both of you get married. Ask them straight away, what is the reason for rejecting you? When you or your parents have no objection to marry a girl from Sc/ST class, what is bothering them. If they are not satisfied with your reasoning, arrange a meeting with your parents. Let all the six of you, both parents and you and your girl friend sit across the table and talk it out.

I am sure, this will work out. Even then, if your girl friend's parents do not agree, tell your girl friend that there is no other alternative but to go for court marriage. If she refuses, then it is better you forget about the whole episode as a bad dream and go ahead in life. Give yourself some more space for some time. Say a six months. If there is no news from your girl friend till then, try to marry someone whom your parents may arrange for you.



Author: Ramprasad    15 Feb 2011      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 2    Voting Score: 0

I think she intentionally doing like this ,if she really loves you she doesn't put this type of condition as you have already tried to convince her parents but they are not ready to accept your marriage ,but still she putting that condition to convince her parents it means she changed her mind regarding you now it is you to decide what to do my final advice is that you try one last time honestly to convince her parents with cool mind even though they opposes you ask the girl if she really loves you she should agree to register marriage with you if she reject this she loves her parents but not you. try to accept this fact and try to forget that girl

Author: mamta jat    18 Feb 2011      Member Level: Bronze     Points : 2  (Rs 1)    Voting Score: 0

I can understand your problem but ther is one thing i need to tell you that if your girl friend is putting any condition on you then she did not loves you as you do because love is not based upon any type of condition but as you said that you love her from past 12 years then i advise you to make a meeting with your girl friend, her parents and yours parent too and convice HER as well as yours parents too last time and see if she is in favour of you or is she too try to convice her parents or not and if she does not take favour of yours then get realise that she does not love you but her parents and after that my advise for you that marry a girl of your parents choise. I pray for you that you get success in getting your love. ALL THE BEST.

Author: srilekha    18 Feb 2011      Member Level: Bronze     Points : 1    Voting Score: 0

Dear Friend, I think she was correct, i advise you to make a meeting with your girl friend, her parents and yours parents and explain the relationship of u and ur girl friend, they are conviced. Try to wait some time.

Reference: hi

Author: vinaypatel    19 Feb 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 1    Voting Score: 0

Hello, i am requested that mostly time love merrige not success so i am requested that first opinion about your parents why that IGNORE that then desigion true..


Thanks


Author: CHARIS ISRAEL ANCHA    19 Feb 2011      Member Level: Gold     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0

Hi,

Let me discuss something about this as far as my mind says.

What do you mean by "LOVE"?

The answer for the above question is,

Mother's love - when it comes between a mother and her child. I mean to say, it is the positive understanding between a mother and child.

Friend's love - when it comes between two persons irrespective of gender. I mean to say, it is the positive understanding between two persons.

wife and husband love - when it comes between two opposite genders coupled together after marriage. I mean to say, it is the understanding between couple after marriage.

Lover's love - when it comes between two opposite genders before marriage. I mean to say, it is the understanding between a boy/ man and a girl/ woman.

From the above few lines, I want to convey that Love is nothing but "understanding".

If there is a good mutual understanding between a boy and a girl, then we can support then for "Love Marriage".

After arranged marriage, a man and a woman coupled together should love each other ( I mean to say, to have good mutual understanding between them), so "Arranged Marriage" is also supported.

So, a girl/ boy should have a clear idea about mutual understanding.

Explain your parents what you have understood about the girl/ boy.

Then no parent oppose you if your mutual understanding is acceptable.


Author: kamlesh.k    23 Feb 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 2    Voting Score: 0

Dear friend,
You are doing whatever you can to get your love. Dont lose hope and keep trying. Definitely, you will win if you stick with your love. Even, if you dont, there is nothing to feel for. Because, from your point of view, you are still in love and you deserve to be loved. The girl will be missing you, if she did.
Life is all about happiness. Think yourself and do what makes you really happy and not your parents. Of course, your parents are to be respected and honoured. Still, its your life and not your parent's life. Think wise and take risks in life.
Good luck!


Author: Ruchi    23 Feb 2011      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 1)    Voting Score: 0

Hi,

I think you should wait for sometime. I mean let some time pass by so that this matter gets a little light for the girl's parents.

In the meanwhile just assure the girl that you will convince her parents somehow and tell her to wait for you. When sufficient time passes away, go to her parents and convince them in their way. By now you must have known what their nature is and what they expect from their son-in-law. Your love can help you in this.

Convince them that no other person can keep their daughter so happy as you can. Tell them how well you understand each other. Tell them every good thing about you, how badly you need her. Try to convince them in every possible way and in the most polite tone you can.

I think when her parents will understand the seriousness of your love, they will definitely agree for your marriage. Till then don't give up. Try harder each day. One day you will succeed.

BEST OF LUCK!!!

Regards,
Ruchi


Author: ranushree caitali    08 Apr 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 2  (Rs 1)    Voting Score: 0

1.Be honest with your parents when you share the reasons you love your partner. Look for opportunities for your parents and your partner to get to know one another better. At dinner with your parents and partner, discuss childhood memories, dreams and goals, etc.

2.Although you may not like what your parents are saying about the person you love, listen to them. Listening to your parents does not mean that you agree with what they say.

3.You have to convince your as well as her parents if you want this girl (with the consent of parents) and want everyone happy. Make them understand that you love each other. Let them know that if you'll do marriage according to your parents' choice, probably the spouse you get is not upto your expectations.


Author: Sushant Kumar Das    08 Apr 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 3  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

Hi Charith,

Before you could understand the procedures of getting married against parents discretion, i would like you know that daughters are much closer to parents than sons. They have better understanding of good and bad things that could happen to her parents. She would hardly take any step against her parents.

On the contrary, sons have even more sensitivity towards their parents but the moment they fall in love, they tend to forget their parent's sacrifice just for our happiness and well being and do something which hurts our parent's feelings. And ultimately when he fails then he realises that parents are the one who can only understand their offspring's feelings.

Hence, my dear friend, never do anything which will hurt our parents. I must say that there is no one in this world who is happy staying against his parents. I am sure you are much better person to judge your priorities of life. Parents or girlfriend...

Best of luck

My fri


Author: Surjit Ningombam    08 Apr 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 3  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

Mr.N. charith kumar,I understand your problem,these are problems which occurs in many families ,in the society or in many states.
I want to make you sure that since you love her for the last so many years,you must convince your parents with respect and make them understand that what she meant to you and why you are in a relation with your girl for so many years. Girls in another sense, their minds,their thoughts are simple and they get easily hurt when something wrong in their relationship happens.
Love can be expressed in many sense,in friendship,parents love,pets ,garden,your love. But the most important one is your family. Parents brought you up to prove yourself,to make a living of your own;besides all these we have a life of our own,you must lead your own life,you must culture yourself what is good for you. Think carefully what is wrong what is right,have faith in yourself,show confidence in yourself then others can say nothing to your decision.
Take some time for your parents to understand your relation,also make your girl to be strong,make her believe that we are always together and you both will win.
You are living in a society,and parents sees the eyes of the society,every steps you do,your society will comment on it, so be careful before taking any decision,think for others also. Everybody come across this kinds of hurdles,how will you know that whether you are happy or not without any hurdles. Come on, you are a man, lead your own way then only you will succeed in your life,your luck is testing you.


Author: Sharada    08 Apr 2011      Member Level: Gold     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

If the girl is truly in love with you, she also would have interacted and tried to solve the problem.

Instead of convincing her parents you are now convincing the girl which you have already done earlier, that's why she was in love with you right?

Think practical, if this girl is not able to face her parents whom she already know for years, how will she handle to face the community on the large for the whole life.

Relieve yourself from all tensions and sit in a cool place so that you can analyze the whole love period. This girl was in love with you for the past 12years but has not understood your feelings, what will she do for the rest of the life.

You have to be bold to face the circumstances, give your life a turning point.



Author: Pradeep Kumar    09 Apr 2011      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

Parents are not only that who give birth for us but they teach us how to live in the competitive world. They always wants that their children grow in a right direction to become successful in the life. You are in love with the girl for the last 12 years and i feel the intensity of love among both of you. You belong to an upper caste and your counterpart belongs to a lower caste.(Even some people dont believe in castism, one has to accept it as we are social animal and living in a society.) It is a question of great concern that why her parents are refusing for the marriage even if you belongs to so called uppercast. I hope there may be some other reasons behind their objection. I will suggest you to invite all the family members and have a discussion taking consideration of all factors. If you could not get any favour from any side, you decide to go for a court marriage, keeping confidence that you will be able to take care of her independently. If your lover is not agrying for a court marriage without the permission of her parents, I will suggest to leave her because she is not having any respect for you. Whatever is the consequence try to adjust with the real life situation and experience the sweet bitterness of life. Keep confidence and go ahead You will have a bright future. Wish you all the success in life

Author: ANUJ MISHRA    11 Apr 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 1    Voting Score: 0

Hi,
Your problem is not uncommon.You should try to convince them patiently.Generally,it is harder to convince father.But mom can be convinced easily with a little bit of effort.


Author: mohankumar    14 Apr 2011      Member Level: Bronze     Points : 1    Voting Score: 0

Dear friend,

If your love true means you should take care of your marriage and make her has your life partner. And then convinence your parents because both the things are very precious in the world.

Regards,
Mohankumar.


Author: Srasti    15 Apr 2011      Member Level: Silver     Points : 2    Voting Score: 0

Dear Friend,
If your girlfriend is not talking to you from past 2 months, it means she can live without you & she is making her mind to do so.

In this situation you must also prepare your self to leave your relationship with her.I know it is tough as you wrote that you love her from past 12 years but she also loved you for the same time.

So when she can think to leave you than you can also think in the same way.


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