Ask Experts » Family & Life » Marriage »

Want advice to answer a marriage proposal

Date: 03 Dec 2015    Group: Family & Life    Category: Marriage   

I am facing difficulty in making the right decision about marriage.
I share a great bond with a fiend and we are like a mirror image having common interests in almost everything. We are also from the same profession. We are very comfortable with each other. He is from a good and reputed family, known for 3 years and has proposed to me recently. He is sure that we two are right for each other since we understand each other well.
I am finding it difficult to decide because:
a. He is self centered and not reliable
b. He does not make me feel good about myself
c. totally different body shapes
d. Not met till date
e. He feels that I am the best option and hence the proposal
f. He owns my heart but my mind does not agree to this proposal
How should I reach to any decision? Awaiting suggestions from experts.

Searching for advice to reply to a marriage proposal? Check out suggestions from experts on this page.

Author: Dhruv    05 Dec 2015      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0

I think you already have the answer with you. After going through your apprehensions anyone can figure out that you are not very happy about the proposal. Agreed you two have been great friends, but that doesn't mean you two will be great life partners too. Your first point itself makes your decision very easy. You say he is very self-centered and not reliable. Based on this one point itself you can reject his proposal. You will definitely not like to stay with a person for your whole life who is selfish and hardly bothers about others. When before marriage itself he is not able to make you feel good, then how come after marriage he will do so?

Your fourth point is not at all clear. You say you have never met him. Then how come you know him so well and share a great bond. Not having met him how come you are very comfortable with him?

The final decision rests with you. You are the best person to take the decision. What you can do is ask your parents and friends about this proposal. They will be the best guide for you.
As far as I am concerned, I will suggest you to come out of this marriage proposal. It doesn't seems to be suitable for you.

Author: Jagdish Patro    05 Dec 2015      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

If we read your post very carefully, your statements are contradictory. You say that both of you are friends , belong to the same profession and know each other for the last three years. Whereas you have given some reasons for your disinterest for his proposal and "Not met till date" is one of the reasons. How it could be possible to you to arrive at a decision about his negative elements when you didn't meet him so far? In one way, you say that you have common interests and mirror images of each other. How to understand your mind?

You are the decision maker of your own case, if you have given a true picture which I doubt as per your presentation here.

Author: jenny    06 Dec 2015      Member Level: Gold     Points : 5  (Rs 5)    Voting Score: 0

The answers are there in your questions itself

a. you say he is not reliable and he is self centred. It means that he is selfish and does not care about others, he is not to be trusted.

b. He does not make me feel good about myself. . He does not care for your personality, it means he does not respect you/respect you as a person

c. totally different body shapes. Pertaining to your body shapes you mean to say both are not matching

d. not met till date, you mean to say that you have not met a person like that in you life who is not like others, totally different personality

e. he feels that you are best option, he is choosing you/ from the lot not with love or affection towards you

f. He owns your heart, but your mind says no to him.

Your statements are not clear too( c, d and e) You have to decide about this proposal . Since you do not trust him and he is not reliable, self centred, then better be friends. Discuss with your family and take a right decision.
wish you the best.

Author: T.Krishnamoorthy    08 Dec 2015      Member Level: Gold     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

As some of our friends pointed out that your post might have little bit more clear. You said not met him what does it mean? are you have friendship through social media? needs clarity. Anyway, I can give my opinion that marriage is not a matter of one day. It is a fusion of soul and body. Whenever your mind and heart not coincides then either you reject the proposal or make it delay for few more months. If you find difficulty in rejecting then waiting is the only way left out. By making delay in your decision, you will have more concrete evidences about his characteristics. Actually what happens in general, before marriage we used to see the positive side of one another due to infatuation (or gender attraction) but after marriage the negative side appears to one another. So, in my view you should not take decision at this stage. Let the things get more clear then you can take the decision.

Author: [Anonymous]    10 Jan 2016      Member Level: Bronze     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

From your posts, it seems that you're not happy with the idea of accepting his proposal. You say he does not make you feel good about yourself. For any long term relationship to thrive, there should be mutual respect and understanding. If he doesn't make you feel good about yourself, it might be difficult to live in harmony together. Also, you say he is not reliable? Which seems to me to be a vital quality in a partner. And if you have never met him, how do you know you're comfortable with each other?
Talk about this in detail with a trusted friend or family member. Do not rush into anything. Take your time to decide. Ultimately it is up to you. Trust your instincts.

Author: Chitra Rana Raghav    11 Jan 2016      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 6  (Rs 6)    Voting Score: 0

Dear, As everyone else have already mentioned that your point four is confusing. If I ignore that and assume that it was written by mistake you wanted to write something else.
Then, I would recommend, ask yourself, true part of yourself. Many times we do not understand the seriousness of things in our life. See, proposals, may be many in our life but real proposals are few or say may be only one. Try to find out if he is with that true proposal. Proposals look fun thing in a age but later we realize how important it is to deal with proposal that have real feelings!
Do you think you are not going to regret ever after saying no to him/ Is there anyone else whom you think can be in such and real love with you? Is there any kind of fantasy like "Prince on horse" you are waiting for?
I mean try to evaluate your things rationally and logically but with heart.
Different body shapes really do not matter, even if it do to you, both can put efforts to match up each others body shape. Many good couples have such differences but that not a point for themselves.
You say he is self centered, may be he feels himself comfortable enough with you to express what ever he is thinking about different things.
It is good to have a real person than having those who pretend to be good but are not. Being fake is new trend friends. People from far may look more honest, reliable and attractive. Not everyone is attractive from near. What he says as "the best option thing" can be said by a good friend only. Try to understand his feelings ad give him a little bit more freedom to let him wrap his feeling in better words.
Girls sometimes behave as they hate emotional words and are more practical that make guy r another person to mold their words according to one's choice.
So in short I would like to say think with best of your evaluation capacity and take things are they are feelings not a task. Being over practical may bring you in the situation of regret later.

Author: S Elavarasan    06 Apr 2016      Member Level: Bronze     Points : 6  (Rs 6)    Voting Score: 0

Hi miss, Expectations are one of the main reasons for our survival and in sustaining of any relationship. Every body have certain expectations in choosing and continuing friendship or relationship especially in terms of gender variation.i.e Male - female friendship.Because nowadays most of the friends are very keen in enjoying rather taking or providing advice for their own improvement. In your case also i am seeing the same. Because you have mentioned that our preferences are almost same. Apart from these everybody have their own interests and uniqueness. That is the difference between you and your friend which you have stated. Also i am damn sure anyone will fall in love with same preferences in some situations. So please think about that , there is nothing wrong he proposed you. While taking decisions please consider his expectations and the reasons why he wants to marry you. when we reaches every stages in life our perceptions differ , that's what happened here. While thinking in terms of relationship you are seeing these differences. Even after marriage your perception will differ after you marry any guy. So have in mind and think independently "what you want? , What you expect from your life partner?" Also try to understand the differences. All the best for your future.

Author: sathish chandrasekaran    06 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

Your best friend from other gender could be the best person to spend your life with. Friendship is the highest form of love. If you find that purity of friendship then it is the greatest gift you can ever receive which is to share life with that person. You cannot decide or assess love like a balance sheet. Either love is or is not. If it is then say yes else say no. But do not keep him waiting for your reply indefinitely. A forum like this can tweak your brain with every response you get. Therefore I request you to be utterly honest with your feelings and go with your gut feelings. Don't be hasty to decide, but once decided then fight dying saving love. It is worthy life.

Author: Sravanikonasani    14 Jun 2016      Member Level: Bronze     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

It is not always true that best friends could be best life partners.As he is self centered and which is one of your challenges, you can't be happy with him. Our dear ones always make sure that they make feel good about us.Beside all these if you are really confident that he can always make you happy, you can go ahead.Discuss with your close friends who knows about him in person.

Post Answer

You must Sign In to post a response.

Post Answer        

Related Questions
  • Return to Question Index
  • Ask Question to Experts

  • Awards & Gifts
    Top Contributors
    TodayLast 7 Daysmore...

    ISC Technologies, Kochi - India. © All Rights Reserved.