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How to handle a friend with attitute?

Date: 15 Jan 2016   Posted By: Joanita D'souza     Group: Family & Life    Category: Astrology   

when I was a kid in class Two I had friend actually our friendship started at that time only and it continued till we both reached in class Ten we became the best of friends, we were like inseparable, our friendship was well known in school, she use to come to my place to stay some times I use to go to her place to stay, we knew every thing about each other, we shared everything with each other. the turning point in our life was when I failed in 10th board exam in one subject and she got second class for me it was like the whole mountain had collapsed over me I dint knew what to do and what not this was something unexpected for me but after that some how I made my self understand and I gave the re examination and passed with good marks but in this there was a gap of one year where i did not go college and in this my friend had joined one of the college and she took the subject which we had decided in our school time that we would take and as the college started in the initial days she started coming to my place and this visit of hers continued for 3 to 4 days and when I asked her whether she don't have classes, the reply was given as they were left early but in reality she was bunking classes due to which the her sister got a call from the college her sister came to our place and started to esquire whether she use to come to meet me or was it something else my parents did not liked what she spoke about her own sister and they felt bad about it and they strictly warned me to not to meet her anymore, even I felt bad I dint knew how to react to as I was not that mature to handle it. After that we were not in contact any more but the eagerness in me to meet her just went on increasing day by day since it had become a big issue I was frightened to visit her home, days went on and it was after around 9 to 10 years that I sow her coincidentally as I went in the market along with my mother, I was very very happy to see her but on the other hand I was also scared since my mother was along with me to hello? but before that I would like to tell that in this 9 to 10 years of gap though I did not meet her but I kept asking people who knew us about her and the answer was that she was no more the same person which she use to be earlier but I did not believe them as I knew my friend well and once I met her mother in the market who was unaware about all this as she was in abroad, I some how took the address of her work place and one evening I even went to visit the place some how convincing my mother and it so happened that I went on the other side of the road and she went on the other side which my mother noticed, she called out to her she stopped my mother told her that I am gone to search her on the other side but she just went saying that she was in hurry without bothering it was not that big distance that it would take me time but still she went, that hurt me a lot, I could not understand why she behaved like this? and coincidentally she met my parents the next day while coming back from church looking at them she tilted her umbrella this made them very angry and sat and as usual I got warning keep distance from her. In all this I was not satisfied I was still thinking that she wont do that but that doubt got clear when I met her, she was completely changed it appeared as if she is not my friend who use to be once, completely new person, a girl full of attitude, arr agent, insulting, she was making fun of me indirectly as i have put on weight, actually I had thyroid due to which I put on weight but now by the grace of god i am much better still trying to loose some more weight I know I look horrible but did I deserve this insult, I could not get respect from my friend itself and she stared telling about her job what she does with her salary and her house economy and all that which I am not interested in knowing and she has told me many lies which she thinks I don't know I was aware about it well in advance but still i kept quite, I heard people saying that she is behaving like that because she works as a receptionist at the deputy ministers office, I never believed them but know I am wrong and they are correct. the reason why I shared this because I am dam hurt and I don't wont to look at her any more, I expected a friend not a person like this, friends I am a teacher I run an IT institute and being a teacher this does not suit me but I am really hurt I have understood that I lost my friend way back and this I made my self understood and this new year I met her again that too accidentally and again with her stupid behavior but this time I had a doubt that she sow me some where and was following me and she behaved that it was coincident she has shared her number with me but I don't feel like to chat or ringing her. In our conversation I even told her that you are changed she replied me that its her nature as if I don't know her nature, do you'll think if this was her nature then our friendship would sustain that long ?After this I think that this true friendship its all fake they change as time passes

Seeks the advice of ISC experts to handle a friend with a different attitude as exp narrated by the author. Here are few suggestions from our eexperts.

Author: Sanghamitra    05 May 2016      Member Level: Silver     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

You seem to be pretty upset about the whole thing. This was posted a few months back and hopefully your problem has got solved by now. One thing I have realised in life. You cannot force someone to be your friend. One more thing you cannot blame yourself for your friend's attitude.
Sine you seem so upset I suggest you need to talk with her earnestly. If she is following you and you are still interested in her friendship, go ahead and accept it. Otherwise move ahead since like I said you cannot force someone to be your friend!

Author: Reena Upadhya    21 Jul 2016      Member Level: Silver     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

People grow with time and sometimes they just grow apart. People change all the time. Only person one can control is oneself. You cannot control your friend and bother yourself for her change in behavior. It is up to her whether she wants to be a humble, polite person that she used to be in her childhood days or a rude person with attitude problem. If you consider yourself to be a good friend then stop concentrating on her behavior towards you, your family or others. How she behaves is her problem. How you behave is something you need to concentrate on. If you have issues with her then you need to communicate with her. You together should get along some time and discuss and sort out all the issues. This is what a real friend does. If she is on wrong path then it is your duty to bring her on the right one. If she has adopted a whole wrong attitude then it is your responsibility to let her know what wrong is she doing to herself and to others. Once you tell her, you need to let the things settle on there own. You cannot expect from her that she is going to change as it is her life and she needs to decide what ultimately she wants from it. You being a good friend can show right path to your friend but then cannot force them to walk on that path and cannot torture yourself from her change in behavior.

Tit for tat is something that is wrong for friendship or any sort of healthy relationship. If she behaves in certain negative form does not necessarily mean that you too should adopt same policy. Your kindness may melt her heart and may be she will once again gain that same sort of innocence she used to have in her childhood. Moreover, childhood is an innocent stage of one's life where children make true commitments as everything that comes out from their mouth is purely from their heart which is not corrupted. As age advances, people change. Logic and corruption overpowers emotions. Everyone wants to prosper and progress and in such an achieving thrill emotions and relationships are somewhere left behind. And then we easily complain about how they used to be earlier and how time has changed them. The only thing that is constant is change and rest all around changes.

Instead of finding fault in your friend, be a little kind towards her. I am pretty sure, no matter how much she has changed, still there are many positive points in her that cannot be overlooked. Instead of criticizing her for what she has become, try to accept her the way she is. Acceptance is always better than expectation. Don't expect her to behave nicely or return back to being polite. Accept the way she is today. Expectations always bring with it lots of pain if not fulfilled. You are in state of pain and irritation cause you have expected much from her. Instead of expecting from her you need to give all the love and care you have for her and accept her completely. She was something earlier but that time has passed and today she is something else. You need to let her go. Whether you have to keep contact with her or no is completely your decision but if you concentrate and develop the quality of acceptance in you then not only your friendship but all sorts of relationships you develop will become healthy.

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