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How to deal with being treated like a bad child

Date: 17 Apr 2016    Group: Family & Life    Category: Parenting   

Hello, I am 15 years old. My parents tell me how bad of a kid I am all the time. I think I am a pretty good kid. I get straight A's in school in classes with a lot of rigor and do a ton of extra activities after school. Ever since I was a kid I got spanked, and this often created fear for me. I never really remembered thinking, oh I shouldn't have done that, I was just scared. Now, a lot of times by mom gets angry at me for little things and tells my dad its his fault that I am such a bad kid and my dad gets extremely angry at me and "spanks" me. Last time he did this I got thrown around and my ribs hurt for hours afterwards. Even though I am in high school, I still don't have a phone, television, I have one type of social media that I only get to check sometimes on my friends' phones. I normally get extremely bored and unhappy because i never get to be socialized. I tried explaining to my mom that it is important to me to have friends and hang out with them, and she said, what friends, you don't have any friends. A lot of times when we go on vacation she freaks out about everything. We went somewhere last summer and right when we got there she started complaining about the hotel, the refrigerator size, and we had fast food every night because she didn't want to spend a lot of money, but it was vacation! She took my door knob off my door for really no reason, I think I did something wrong or something and she just took it off like a year ago and I still don't have it. They think its okay to just barge in and do stuff in my room when I'm changing or just want some privacy. and anytime we go anywhere i am forced to room with my dad because my mom doesn't like me, but its awkward for me to room with an adult man. My sister always gets way more than me and my mom always praises her in front of me. She always complains about her flip phone and how junky it is, and I think its kind of junky too but at least she has one. I cant text anyone, keep in contact with anyone, so I don't have that close of friends. A lot of times I have suicidal thoughts and I think I might have depression. its hard for me to act normal with people I think I have social anxiety, but I don't know how to act because I never get to do anything social. Once my dad freaked out because I went to my friends house next door and was on her driveway but he walked around outside screaming my name (I was 14). Another time my dad was taking my sister to the store to get something for her project and my mom did not want to stay home with me so my dad dragged me out of the house in my pajamas and there were some people from my grade in the street. A lot of times my parents put me down and tell me that its my fault, and if I ask them a simple question they freak out and lash out and tell me all these mean things. Sometimes when they are being like this I feel like I get violent because I don't know what else to do when they're right in my face instigating me on purpose and being mean to me, and they always use that against me, but I feel like they taught that to me by beating me up so much. I've read about physical and emotional abuse and I feel like they match all the signs. And I always feel like I'm not worth it, like it would be so much better to die than be alive. There's nothing good about my life. All I do is work, work, work, and no fun, just bullied. My sister tells me I'm ugly and she's so much better all the time, she tells me I'm fat and I have no friends and my brother and me normally get along but sometimes he mocks me and ridicules me. And a lot of times my mom asks my dad why he never stands by her side in arguments and he says he does and just tells her I'm just a really bad kid. I typed in on my school computer that I wanted to commit suicide and I got called to the counseling office and the counseling didn't work, even though my parents were in the room too. They are just right back to being the way they used to be. Am I really a bad kid, or are they just bad parents?

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Author: [Anonymous]    22 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 8  (Rs 8)    Voting Score: -1

Here, I don't want to discuss your miseries/problems/worries whatsoever. Here, I want to tell you about some facts which will in turn answer for your query. As per my knowledge you need counseling. I mean, counseling in the sense of becoming a man, counseling in the sense of removing all the negative thoughts and counseling in the sense of to become a pure. It seems you are like a couch potato.

What you want now? Do you want your parents to understand that how much you are bad at still? Do you want money? Do you want people? DO you want brothers and sister's help, friends or what?

Now, all you need is sympathy! Yes, absolutely!

You saying you look not so handsome and as black as coal. What if you are like that? Don't you remember the famous scientist Abdul Kalam quote: I am not a "HANDSOME" guy. But I can give my " HAND" to "SOME" one who needs me. Beauty is in HEART, Not in face. Okay. This may applied to you.

According to you your mother is an airhead. What if so? Without having good thoughts of your parents you are here? Or without having pain (During pregnancy) you enter into this world? Or are you thinking good? Or are you a good human being?

You know what you are now is the sum total of your past thoughts/actions/behaviors. Past is past. Don't think about it. Done is done but how to become in future is in your hands only. Your future decides what you are now. It absolutely depends on you. If you continuously thinks you are a bad boy and no one likes me, my parents are not so good e.t.c., you will become like that only. If your thoughts are good, doing good works you will become a good person. Try to act smartly like your parents. Think well and be good.
Don't try to blame others for your mistakes. You are the whole responsible for what you are now.
Keep your hand on your heart and say frankly. Don't you do bad things/ actions/ thoughts? How many times your parents accept your mistakes? After all you are the son to them.
Why do you refuse to learn things and understand the situations? See you remember the famous words like: Variation is the sign of life and sameness is the sign of death.

Here, a small story for you. If you put a seed on the ground and supply air, water and earth around it. After some days it becomes a plant only but not earth/air/water. Why? What is the reason? It only develops after a law of its own growth assimilates what are supplied to it and it will become a plant only. Similarly, we should assimilate the spirit of other and yet preserved his own individuality and grow according to his own law of growth.

Who runs you? Is it your mind or your heart? You are thinking that you
didn't do anything but you are facing so many problems. Is it right? You know, light ways should travel hours to reach here, likewise our thoughts also travel years and years and whenever the same person (wicked one) who is like you then it will reach into his mind. That is why the thought of suicide will come and that is the reason the suicide acts increased day by day. Don't let our thoughts become actions. Try to control your negative thoughts. Once, you do good, be good and think good then all will come in front of you. Choice is in your hands to make it or to break it.
We should do right things at the right time otherwise the opportunity lost.

Now, you have to consider this small story for you. Pour milk in bowl and put it on stove and heat for some time, drink after that. And the next day do the same thing without cleaning the bowl and the other day also. Then what you can observe? It something creates vomiting feeling in you. You body not able to accept it to drink. Likewise till now what happen is happen and clean all those thoughts from your mind. If you want feeling very burden to hold this pain then cry. Nothing will happen. You will become free then. Now onwards, try to be good. Let the noble thoughts come into your mind. Resist all evils. Don't break the chain. Do like this for your better future. Read famous persons auto-biography.
Let the world think about you anything. Do your work but work perfectly then all will gone. Whenever you are reaching higher and higher positions then no one will talk about you instead they fell about how badly they treat you.

You remember the thing that happiness always wears a cap of misery and comes for you. What that means, everyone who took life here all they have good and bad in their lives. We will see only good in famous person that means didn't they have done bad things or don't they have miseries in their life.

Finally, what is education according to you? It is already in man when the situations will come it will come out of us automatically. That is why, the people achieve success who don't have minimum requirements. Education is about when to have attachment and when to have detachment and with a perfect instrument bring out all the information.
Miseries will come into life only to make you perfect. Don't forget.

Author: Sheo Shankar Jha    23 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0

I am really perturbed to see your plight and I am of the opinion that the life consists of both good and bad events. It is your analytical capability which gives you guidance all the time. In depression, negative emotions would take front seat and opposite is true when you are cheerful. Of course, I admit that parents are always the source of inspiration and they don't hesitate in making utmost sacrifice in the hours of need for their children. However, this philosophy is not applicable always because of variance of human - charecter. This does not mean you will remain surrounded with their companies life - long. You would come across so many generous and affectionate persons always guiding you to achieve in your noble mission. Not all the children are fortunate enough to enjoy the healthy companionship of their parents but still then they have achieved remarkable success in their assignments.
As is apparent from your thought, you do have sound analytical skill. By being cool, you can perform your tasks well in your schools or otherwise. You will be earning laurels for your brilliant assignments and such laurels will boost your confidence. I don't think your constant agony regarding your parent's behaviour would help you much in raising your self - esteem. Look out for other means such as NGO's, who could be helpful to you in coming out of present trauma.
Believe in yourself and Almighty would certainly bless you.

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