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Not able to get good sleep due to some problems. What to do now?

Date: 23 Apr 2016    Group: Family & Life    Category: Marriage   

From so many days I am not able to get good sleep. What might be the reason for this? I am married women and living with my hubby. I am working women. Due to the holidays declared by the Govt. I am spending my time in the room only all the time. My sleeping timings are: 10pm to 4am and this may be changed as per my requirements but I wake up in the early morning itself even if I go to sleep vey lately. While I was sleeping I found sometimes my hubby in not present at beside me on the bed. When I ask where did you gone then he said to the washroom. It happens many times. When I was in deep sleep I found that someone is coming and talking outside of the room and persons are here in the room roaming. All the nonsense I can see. At times I suddenly became very fear and came out of sleep and see the things are really happening and within seconds I will go to sleep again. I thought that, when this happens, many times I want to be asleep but automatically my eyes closed and went to sleep again. Whenever like this happens then only take care of me and at other times I mean if I didn't wake up and wake up in the morning then he didn't talk to me all the day.

If I sleep in the afternoon times then I close the door and put the lock. All these nonsense things I can hear those are coming from the outside. Suddenly, when I wake up those all noise would disappear. I wonder how it is happening. How will they know about I wake up and seeing what happens outside?

I am not able to get sleep in the afternoon times also. I am getting very fear. I don't go to my mother-in-laws house due to some misunderstandings. Whenever he wants to go to the home then he leaves me in my parents' home. Even he didn't tell to their parents about where we are living. They know we are living together. Arranged marriage only but after some days, due to misunderstanding we live separately (I in my parents' home and he in his parents' home since he works in their hometown only) and now we are living together. He didn't tell to his parents where we are living (I mean exact place). Actually, we are living in my hometown. When I asked him about this, they don't like to live in your hometown that is why I am saying wrong. Don't worry. Let's time come then I will say the truth to them.

I don't know what to do for all these consequences. What precautions I need to take? Whether I need to believe it or not. If it is true then why he is doing like that? I am not able to beat that thought. How much I love him? Why he doing like this? I am getting frustration and please help me about how to take care of myself.

Worried of getting good sleep due to fear of family problems. Here are some remedies suggested by our Experts.

Author: Sheo Shankar Jha    24 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0

The problem with which you are facing at this moment is because of excess stress, which has ruined your normal pattern of sleep. You may try the following tips to restore your sleep pattern-
1) Take Rogan Josh Almond Oil produced by Hamdard and apply the same oil on your fore- head gently for at least ten minutes before retirement to bed. You can pour two drops of this oil in your nostril and inhale the same just before going to bed at night.
2) Honey also produces sound sleep if taken one table spoon of the same along with warm milk regularly at night for a couple of days.
3) Grind Almond - powder and Funnel - powder in equal amount and add half amount of candy in the resultant mixture,the entire content should be thoroughly mixed. Using the same mixture to the extent of one full teaspoon twice daily in the morning and evening would produce tangible result within a very short time.
4) In a bucket containing approx 5 litre of warm - water, add half cup of vinegar and both legs should be soaked for at least ten minutes daily for at least a fortnight in order to get positive result.
5) Aswagandha - powder- A tea - spoon of Aswagandha - powder produced from a renowned Pharmaccetuals can be taken twice along with warm milk. This will take care of the excess stress and in a short time, you will be relieved from Insomnia.
You may get your Blood tested for TSH since Hypothyroidism may be one of causes for scanty sleep. If such is the case, this can be corrected by taking the medicine with the consultation of an Endocronoligist.

Author: Mahesh    25 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

Sleep issues are lot because of our thinking and the habits. So you have to modify your eating, exercise and other habits. Also you have to control on what you think and what you can't think. This way you can get more control over your sleep issues.

For example, if you practice meditation and sleep patterns, then surely it helps with the sleep. You have to also practice mindfulness. Because mindfulness keeps you in present. And this helps a lot in getting sleep.

Another fix to do is avoid keeping yourself in future and past. When you think about past a lot it also affects your sleep pattern. Make sure you avoid thinking too much about past. You should focus on present and avoid hurting yourself over future too.

There is one Ayurveda medicine that helps with the sleep. It is called shankhapushpi, that is known to help with sleep and memory. You should take that on regular basis. Make sure you watch something pleasing and calm before going to sleep.

Make a habit of going to jogging or walk during early morning. This way you can keep the body in constant cycle and it helps in getting you tired and eventually get some sleep.

Author: K Mohan    25 Apr 2016      Member Level: Platinum     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

Getting a good sleep is really a boon for some. I have the habit of getting in to deep sleep within 10 minutes of going to bed. There are many reasons to get good sleep. You must have worked hard in the day so that your body gets tired by the night. Secondly if you are having the habit of reading the book, just read some good books so that you are induced to sleep. Some people get sleep when they engage in chit chat with others on the street corner but that would be bad practice. Some have the habit of watching late night movies on television and getting sleep automatically. But what I suggest that just lay down on the bed, thank the God for the good day and seek his blessing for good sleep. Think good deeds done in your life so far and surely you are taken to the eternal world of good sleep and dream.

Author: [Anonymous]    25 Apr 2016      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

This is something unusual and strange one. What I can tell you one thing for you is to discuss this matter openly with your husband when one of your close relatives at home. Do not take it seriously since something may be wrong among one of you. It is always better to discuss openly on this matter to overcome from it.

Author: Venkiteswaran.    25 Apr 2016      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 6  (Rs 6)    Voting Score: 0

Sleep can be affected by many factors including weather. The problem of lack of sleep or not getting proper sleep may be temporary and vanish once the reason for the sleep issue is eliminated.

We may not get good sleep if we are overtired or not active at all also. Sleep will be affected if bed room is pitch dark or well lit .

Our mind is a very complex mechanism and it can make very creative scripts and stories and make us believe as true. Even dreams make us so. Sometimes it may be a lead from the real life and all paraphernalia added to it. If our real life situation supports it by the fears and doubts or incidents in daytime life, they may get repeated.

Thus a sound of calling bell in the early morning may appear to us in half sleep as connected to some story in the dream or imagination. Only when we wake up immediately we get to know the real reason. Similarly the movement of the edge of our blanket by fan movement may appear to us in sleep as sever storm and we may feel scared. The sound coming from TV next room or in nearby house may appear to us someone talking in next room etc.

But there also can be some curable physical or psychological issue also.

So fist tell about this to your husband and also to some other real well wisher of yours. If needed take medical help also.

In the meantime avoid going empty stomach or overeating to bed. Avoidor reduce highly spicy and masala food. Avoid taking coffee, tea etc before bed time. Maintain the room temperature e comfortable by using fan or AC properly. Take proper headbath regularly. In the present warm days you can use 'cooling' hair oils from reputed and established firms.

Meet a qualified doctor to see if there are any physical health issues.

Author: Juana    25 Apr 2016      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 10  (Rs 10)    Voting Score: 2

A number of things mentioned in your post cause me to believe that the problem is bigger than you might realize. There is a lot going on with you and your life. The things you have cited cannot be analyzed in an online forum, you my dear, need professional help and soon.

Don't get me wrong, I am saying this for your own wellbeing. With the information that you have provided I see signs that you might be suffering from a psychological problem, if not that then you might be drugged by someone. Why do I say so – because your story has too many aspects that point towards this. Something is definitely amiss –

1. You sleep pattern is erratic.
2. You husband is missing from the bed at night – how far is the washroom? Can you not check if he is in there, using it? Your doubt indicates that you do not believe him. It is best that you check his whereabouts – how long does that take, really!
3. You fall asleep even when you find your husband not in bed, instead of seeing where he is – if something like this occurs on a regular basis then I would think the wife will want to check where the spouse is, and not fall back to sleep. It is unusual, and yet you complain that you have a problem sleeping.
4. You hear people talking and you sense their presence in your room. To me it looks like you are hallucinating. Such things happen to people with a psychological problem, those under the influence of some drug (medical or otherwise) and someone who is very sick. It is rare to have healthy people hallucinating.
5. You sense fear, wake up, see things and fall back to sleep – this is not normal. A person either cringes in fear or goes ahead and tackles the problem.
6. Your husband takes care of you only when the above mentioned happens, but ignores you otherwise. Why would he behave in this manner?

It is a positive sign that you realize that there is a problem. How do you tackle it, is the big question? Answers to the following might give you an answer –

1. Have you been experiencing all this all through your adult life?
2. Is this a recent occurrence, after you started living with your husband?
3. Did you feel the same way when you were married, but living at your parent's place?
4. Do you face similar incidents when your husband leaves you at your parent's place when he visits his parents?
5. Are you taking any medication or health supplement?

The above questions will indicate the pattern of your problem – when it started etc. Meanwhile, do the following -

1. Speak to your parents or a sibling about this.
2. You also need to tell your husband that you are his legal wife and his parents need to know that the two of you are living together.
3. Let your husband know that you want to see a doctor about your condition.
4. Avoid any medication that has not been prescribed by a doctor.
5. Avoid eating anything that has been bought only for you.
6. Move to your parent's place for a month or at least 15 -20 days and see if your condition improves.
7. Take care, get help.

Author: jenny    26 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 7  (Rs 7)    Voting Score: 0

Dear, as Juana mentioned there is a problem surrounding you and your life. You need help and advice immediately. Why have you not tried to find out where you husband is, as you have said many times he is not at your side. Was it that you were unable to think clearly. If he is caring for you why is it that he is not discussing with you the problem you are facing as he would have noticed. You have mentioned that you can see people moving in the room and all the non sense you see really happening. What does it mean, something is amiss here, You are able to see but unable to figure it out the things that are happening.

You sense that something is happening, but you are unable to face it as you are not in your control of your senses nor yourself, you fall back to sleep. When there is a disturbance surrounding you, one tends to find out what is happening, it's a automatic response from a person and the person may not go to sleep, but in your case you seem to go to sleep, may be you have been put to sleep, sorry to say. You say that you have fear that something are going on but you are unable to judge. Have you spoken to your husband about this or you have fears to talk to him and have doubts to discuss with him. What kind of house do you stay, is it a flat, house ? Do you have neighbours, do you speak to them? You have not mentioned it. Stay in a safe and secured place.

Be careful when some thing is offered for you to drink. Be alert and have presence of mind to analyse the things that are happening around you. Think and analyse the happenings throughout the day. Discuss the problem with someone who really understands you and cares for your well-being, maybe your parents, or someone whom you trust. Find out yourself if this kind of disturbance is happening to you in your mothers place too. If so then you might need doctors advice. If not, if it is happening only in your husband's place then there is something wrong that is happening around you and yourself. Seek professional's help and guidance how to take care of yourself and come out of the situation.

If you are on medication find out the effects of it from your doctor.
Act wisely, seek help, be alert and take care of yourself.

Author: sathish chandrasekaran    29 Apr 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

An issue unresolved in marriage is definitely taxing and at times lethal if we allow it to continue persistently. You are overly stressed and the reason being your hubby's behavior of inviting people at late nights and talking with them. You should speak to him. Get to know what is bothering him and why people are at home at wee hours. Ask if he needs any support from your end. You do not encourage unusual behaviors. Tell him that your sleep gets affected when you hear some noise at the night hours and more sadly that your hubby is not around when you get up from bed in panic. Staying together is beautiful when there is harmony and understanding. You neither have harmony or understanding of your partner's behavior. He is certainly unreasonable and should be more considerate towards you. My kind advice for you is to speak out in detail and strengthen your bond with your partner. Sleep issues are usual at this turmoil and it naturally comes when issues are solved. Don't overthink about the issue but you certainly have to speak with him.

Author: [Anonymous]    12 May 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0


You are not only suffering from incomplete sleep but also with some kind of doubt as if someone is having a watch on you. At first, that needs to be treated. You need to know exactly what is happening with you. If it's a doubt, you need to let it go and if it's not, then you have to more careful regarding that.

Also, your family issues are also being the reasons for your depressed state. I have myself been in related situations and have lived only in my room at times so I can understand how difficult it becomes to sleep at night without a calm mind.

To face and find about your doubts and those voice in and outside your room, try some basic things that you can do. Take your phone and turn on the video recording and hide it somewhere such that nobody will find it easily but it should be recording what is happening in the room. Do that for a week and check the recording afterwards to confirm if something is really wrong or not.
You can just turn on the recording and then cover the screen of phone with a thick paper and tape so no light can be seen coming from it. Similarly, you can hide your phone somewhere from where you suspect those voices are coming the loudest and keep it turned on at audio recording mode. This kind of setup should confirm if there is something wrong or your depressed mind is having illusions due to fear and anxiety.

You can even buy a hidden camera, but I have suggest you to use your phone as everyone has a phone nowadays and getting an extra cam from market is not always a good idea. Specially, when you have a doubt that someone is keeping a watch on you.

Regarding good sleep, I think you can try having a walk for a few minutes or say half an hour on your house's roof before going to sleep. You can say your family that you are having issues with having a sound sleep and this is a remedy for it. When having walk on the roof, you can hear some soothing music to calm your mind.
The simple science behind it is with a calm mind and slightly tired body; you have chances of getting better sleep. You will also get some dose of extra exercise that is even better for your body.

You should also know that not having a good sleep affects your body a lot and keeps you away from focusing properly. Heartbeat remains a little too fast and a sense of dreaming and fear remains. So, for the betterment of yourself and 'both' of your family, you will have take good care of yourself and stop worrying about things that disturb you.

Author: Sanghamitra    17 May 2016      Member Level: Silver     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

All advise has been given, so I would just like to remind you something. Look at the positives
You have a Government job.
You are independent
You still have your parents
You dont have any children from what I understand from your post
You dont have any liabilities

I assume you have some friends. At a guess I would say you are under heavy drugs influence most probably unintentionally. That you understand you have a problem and have been able to string it together at a forum shows you are of a clear mind. Why dont you move to a friends house for a few days and see whether you still have those nightmares or problems? Once you are assured your problems are real you will know what to do with your marriage. This is a modern age. Women can live their lives independently. Life and peace of mind definitely cannot and should not be sacrificed at the altar of matrimony. And if your problems and doubts about your husband turn out to be just the result of a stressed mind, well at least you know!

I got creeps just listening to your story. I know how scary it can be to feel alone. Do take care and do something about it. Don't just ignore the issue till something dire occurs.

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