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I wish to marry a girl from an orphanage

Date: 25 May 2016   Posted By: Krishnakumar     Group: Family & Life    Category: Marriage   

I am Krishnakumar, From Kerala.
It's my thought and I wish to marry a girl from an orphanage in Kerala. I wanted to give a life to one girl. What is your opinion ? Is there any problem will occur in future or it is not good? Give your valuable suggestions regarding this.

Wish to marry a girl from an orphanage, Will there be any problem in the future for marrying an orphan girl?

Author: Timmappa Kamat    28 May 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

That is indeed a valuable and commendable idea. But do understand that you also need to have mutual love and understanding for a successful relationship. Mere compassion for an orphan girl may not be an emotion sufficient for a marriage to be successful.
Please note that the girl you choose from an orphanage has lived a life of someone neglected. You will need to take care not to hurt her by bringing up the previous life after you are married. You will need to understand that you are her lone support system. She will have no one to lean upon in times of distress. Please take care to honour her dignity.

It has been observed that it is the relatives who often look down upon such relationships and degrade the woman concerned by making unnecessary comments. There are instances where people even go to the extent of spreading unwanted rumours. You may need to handle such people with a stern action.

Author: neelam joshi    28 May 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

Its a very good thought by the author to make someones life better.But relationships especially when it comes to married couples can't be made on the basis of compassion becuase then it would be like living on the mercy of one partner for the another partner and in such relations one partner would always remain dominant.
The base for the relationship should be love,care and mutal understanding while taking feeling of compassion too with these feelings, so first thing author should try to find a suitable girl even if he wants her to be from orphanage a girl with whom he can feel comfertable with not becuase of compassion but becuase od love.

Since many times in a marriage when the reason is different other than love it becomes like a forced relationship and a tacit but unbearable pain which no one among the partner can explain.
So try to find your love where you both could have equal opportunity and understanding not a person who will always stay below burdens of your favors even if its not your intention but compession is not always good in every kind of relationship.

Author: Sheo Shankar Jha    28 May 2016      Member Level: Gold     Points : 3  (Rs 3)    Voting Score: 0

The idea seems to be excellent but prior to taking up for the implementation of the same, you have to consider a few practical points before the finalisation of such marriage.
1) Just think of the mental - frame of the girl. She may be in the grip of negative emotions because of her being in the orphanage - status. You must be a good guide to alleviate her such feelings.
2) She must be not be fickle minded.
3) She must have high sense of responsibility and above all she must be reliable in all the circumstances.
4) Though money is an essential component to have a peaceful life in the family. With its availability, we can uplift the standard of our kids by providing them the best schools and we can offer them best health care. However, money is not the instrument with which we can buy every thing.
5) Both of you must have the same mental faculties so that both of you can appreciate and redress the problem.
6) High education is an important tool to analyse the situation critically but to have an excellent common - sense, would also make your married life successful. She must be compassionate and should have essential humane qualities.

Author: Venkiteswaran.    28 May 2016      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 4  (Rs 4)    Voting Score: 0

Krishnakumar, if you approach this matter as if you are doing a charity, then I would suggest you to desist from that and instead contribute in some way t the NGOs or government who run orphanages or conducting marriages to the helpless and needy. You may better go for marriage as is the tradition and wish in your family. Why I say so is, sometimes at an unguarded moment a comment can come out from you or someone that you have done a favour to the girl and it may hurt her.
But if you approach it as a mature decision and choice with all sincerity and affection towards one's spouse then go ahead. But use your prudence, common sense and help of elders and well wishers in selection and choice like you would have done in normal marriage. The moment after you are married, forget that she has come from an orphanage, now she is not an orphan and you and your family is thereto give her affection and care. Never ever in your domestic disagreements or moments of emotion pinpoint and boast that she was an orphan and you did some great thing.

But before taking a decision take into confidence your elders and well wishers. If decided, then comply with all necessary social legal aspects. Approach only approved institutions in this regard.

If you thinking is just an emotional one coming from some immature but noble dream, then delay it and allow sufficient thought on this in consultation with mature well wishers.

Best Wishes for your right decision and happy life.

Author: Partha Kansabanik    08 Jul 2016      Member Level: Diamond     Points : 2  (Rs 2)    Voting Score: 0

I have read the question minutely. My opinion is little bit different. Marriage between two partners depends on understanding, adaptability, adjust-ability and mutual love. The background of the partner is immaterial. So, if you have decided to marry any girl selecting from the orphanage, your philosophy or mind-set is not correct. However, if you say that you love a girl who happens to belong to an orphanage, and you are going to marry her, would be much more desirable.

Author: Reena Upadhya    28 Jul 2016      Member Level: Silver     Points : 6  (Rs 6)    Voting Score: 0

It is a very good thought that you are willing to marry a girl from an orphanage. In today's modern world where marriage is not more than a business, a person like you creates hope that still there remains lots of goodness in world. You are willing to marry an orphan girl so that you can give her love and care which she missed all these years. She will be able to have her own family from now onward. Though she missed all love and tenderness in her early life but will be able to get everything from here after.

Though it is a nice deed, you have to understand that foundation of marriage cannot be laid on sympathy. if you are doing so then in coming years, marriage may fail dreadfully. Marriage is an institution whose foundation should be laid on love and care. It demands compassion as well as respect towards one another. You just cannot go to an orphanage and marry a girl so that here after she will be given a nice life at your mercy. The term mercy even if it is hidden in slightest corner of your sub conscious mind, you better completely get rid of it at the earliest.

Marriage is a relationship in which both are equal. No one is better or greater than the other. No matter if you are the bread winner, no matter from what royal family you are coming from and your better half was devoid of all the tender love and family, even then both should be considered equal. In short, the thought should never linger in your mind that you have done a great deed. You need to be humble and free of pride.

Never in mere future make her feel that she is just an orphan and it was at your mercy that today she is able to live a life of pleasure. Marriage is about equality. I would recommend you to marry a girl who is more of a perfect match to you. It should not be like going to orphanage and marrying any body from there. It is better that you find a girl suitable to you so that both of you can compliment each other. If after marriage you are going to realize then it will not do any good for you and moreover that poor girl who has already faced so much in her life has to go through an additional trauma.

Yes, it will require a little extra effort from you to go around different orphanages at different places or cities so that you can meet a suitable girl for yourself. But all these efforts will pay you in the end because not only you have fulfilled your heart's desire to marry an orphan girl but in fact you have found yourself a life partner who will complete you and walk with you in all walks of life.

You said that you want to give a life to an orphan girl by marrying her. You have to understand that she already has one. Yes, she was deprived of love a family shares with their kids. Yes, she missed all that compassion and tenderness that kids feel safe within their home. However, it is not true she did not receive any love. Orphanage too is a warm place where all the less fortunate people share love towards each other and try to provide warmth to one another. They have each other and that is very beautiful. Instead of making her feel less fortunate and display that she was devoid of love and warmth, make her feel being respected. I am sure you will find a suitable partner for yourself and both of you will live a happily married life.

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