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  • Category: Marriage

    How to convice my parents for inter-caste marriage


    Having a problem convincing family for inter caste marriage? On this Ask Expert page, you will find solution to your worries.

    I am in love with my office mate. We were friends for 2 yrs. Recently he proposed me. Initially I did not accept as my father is very strict and he wont believe in inter-caste marriages. But I realised I cannot live without him.
    then we got committed.
    I told my father too. But he is very adamant and not ready to hear about my lover. He is not getting convinced.
    No one is supporting me in my family. My father isthreatening me that he would create some problem to my boy friend.
    But I really to want to marry him. I want to live my life with him. My boyfriend is ready to talk to my father. But I am really afraid that he would yell at him or slap him. I don't want this to happen.
    My boyfriend is from a good family background. And he is in good status compared to our family. But my father is not considering it. He is just focusing on the caste.
    Experts: do suggest the possible ways to convince my father.
  • #138944
    Take a break and go on a tour with your family. Use the opportunity to discuss calmly and rationally about the matter. The discussion should be without any emotion, but only with reason, fact and logic.

    I feel your family may have some real reason (apart from the caste difference) in having objection to this marriage. Any parents and well wishing family will be interested only in the welfare of their children.

    My personal feeling and suggestion is you need to have more information and realistic assessment in this matter. Without falling victim to surging emotions, make a thorough assessment with respect to real life parameters.

  • #138950
    I think you and the person you are in love with both need to discuss with the parents of both sides. And this way you have to give confidence to both sides about you being compatible with each other. Also make sure your partner needs to convince your parents. It helps when the guy can convince the girls parents and give them assurance that you two are going to be good together. You have to find out what type of guy your parents are looking for and your partner has to adjust on those terms. This works and speeds up the process of discussion much smoother way. I'd also suggest spending time with your parents and let them know that you are happy with this guy more. Make sure the guy who you're in love with can step up to convince the parents of both side. This way process upto marriage would not be misunderstanding and mis-impressionism.

  • #138954
    Tell your father that you won't marry him but don't force you to get marry to someone else. Try to convince him like, you will not go against his wish so why he needs to create problem for your boyfriend. It might take long time so don't worry they will understand one day. Inform your parents that he is settled, and a good human being.

  • #138956
    The life is yours; the ultimate decision is also yours. If you think that you can't leave without 'him' (as mentioned in the question), then why are you waiting for your father's approval? After all, you are an adult!

    Having said all these things, I would like to advise you to understand that infatuation and hard decision-making are not same. If you think your boy-friend/lover (and his family-members) will stand with you throughout your life, go and marry him. But please take the decision after rational thinking. At the same time, always remember that you may not get your family beside you if you marry that man, so don't count on their support in future. Discuss the matter with your boy-friend and other close friends and request them to advise you after considering the family background of your boy-friend.

    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #138957
    What you need it at this time some break with the ongoing topic. Try to take your father in confidence. Praise him for the good deeds he has done for you. Never loose temper before him before explaining your stand. You may tell him that he should think over such proposals which will ultimately give him immense satisfaction by having got a suitable son - in - law, perfect in all the scene in terms of finance, educational - background and after all a compassionate and a sensible partner.
    Apprise him of other negative aspects by contracting a marriage with a boy of your own cast. He may be not as fit as the existing fiancé.
    Your patience, closeness to your father would offer you a situation favourable to you. Never loose your patience in course of conversation with your father. In that way, the table will be on your side.

  • #138999
    As per your query this problem is ghar ghar ki kahani who always go for love with other caste. But really if your very serious with him and the same feeling with him. Then go to his house and talk to his parents. If they accept you as their daughter - in law then request them to go to your house and speak to your parents. Hope fully they may accept. If they don't accept then you have to convince them by saying that you will lead a good life with him no matter of the caste, because can't say that the same caste guy whom your parent select may be of good behaviour. So try to convince them that than caste the behaviour and the character is most important. But of all this you should never loose hope.
    For this the only forula
    "TRY TRY YOU WILL SUCCEED."
    ALL THE BEST.

  • #139034
    Inter caste marriage has been a big issue in our society. Though many families are giving their approval to it but still lots of people in society do not accept it and give a lot of stress in getting married in their own caste and religion. Apart from religion and caste there comes sub caste and people lay a lot of importance that they or their kids get married in same category. With changing time, everything is changing but still rudimentary values and traditions seem difficult to be changed when it comes to people belonging to certain section of society.

    It is nice to know that you have fell in love and have made up your mind to marry the person you love. Since you are clear in your mind, I don't think that there is any reason for you to look back or get scared. It is your life and thereby you should be able to take decision. Getting married is a big decision of life and thus you should be careful in taking decision as your life will depend on it. Choosing right partner is what matters. If your partner is not right then your marriage will not be a successful one. You are confident about your life partner and thus you should be confident that from now on everything will fall in right place.

    I can understand that you want your family's approval before getting married and everybody does. Family comes first and everybody want their family to be standing beside them especially on their big wedding day. You have to convince them and convince them together with your life partner. Do not go in for alone efforts. It will require joint efforts. Caste system is like a blade which has been creating deep wounds in our lives.

    Be prepared. You have to convince your family with good discussions. Understand them and anticipate their concerns too. They are not wrong but just a little different then you and thus you need to accept them the way they are. Once you accept them and do not try to prove them wrong with arguments then they too will start accepting you. They may have certain concerns like inter caste marriages will not work or else society will not accept it etc..... Write them down and figure out reason behind their belief system. You need to change those belief systems by giving right reason. Mere arguments will not do the trick. You have to support your discussion with good points. Only right reasoning will force their old belief systems to get replaced by new one.

    Most important thing is do not lose your cool. Do not react back, no matter how your family reacts. If there are inter caste married couples in your friends circle or living nearby you then try to support your evidence by giving their examples. Start from basics. Calmly explain to your family that why caste system was introduced in our society back in the history and how it has lost its motive and completely taken over our lives. The reason for which caste system was introduced has completely lost its importance and today no body belonging to their castes are working in that particular professions.

    Take help of your love, his family, your friends and all those people who can support you through this difficult time. The more the support is, easy the task will seem to be. United efforts will show more positive effects. Do not fear that your father will do something wrong with the boy you love by slapping him or by abusing him. If both of you remain in your calm nature then he will not show such negative approach towards your love.

  • #139070
    My advice is that at first you inquire about your friend well about his family background social status or all other aspects and after full clarification go ahead. Try to maintain good relation with your family members specially your father. Don't talk about this issue for at least two weeks and try to settle it. After some time sit beside him and talk about good and bad consequences of inter caste marriage politely.Make a checklist of all the possible good and bad effects after marriage. Also make a checklist of your friend's behavior which your father likes or dislikes. negotiate with your father on all these points and try to minimize them with both practically and emotionally. After that, talk with your friend regarding that checklist and convince him to be like his father wants to be. Give referral of such type of successful inter caste marriage of known personalities to your father.Also try to convince him on caste factor that nothing is kept in this, the only motto of human being is to be happy and let others live happy. Also take suggestions from your relatives whom your father respects most and close to you and ask him to convince him. It's not an easy path you have to go through many hurdles. Try, try and try until you get success, but with a happy family.

  • #139093
    Inter caste marriage is very big issue in Indian marriage for all community especially in, Hindus or Muslims not only caste community sub-caste also. I want say one thing, when anybody want blood at emergency basis then no body questions there caste bar is necessary. In India this type issue is general at the time of marriage. In your case your partner is good family background, well settled, thinking well and most important things is really you want to marry him.
    You have to convince your family with good discussions and try to meet both families at least once face to face. Try to convince for marriage character is important not CASTE. No dot your family is reacts first but don't lose patient wait for right time. If you really love someone god with you.

    "Knowledge is power"

  • #139513
    Our society is divided into class system i.e. Higher class, middle class and lower class. Inter caste marriage is not a problem in Higher class and to some extent in lower class also, because they don't bother about others. Intercaste marriage is a problem in middle class society.
    I have gone through this type of case and tried to know that why it is a problem in middle class society. Recently on of my relative's daughter was married to a boy who is from other caste. Girls family is very happy but they are showing that they are not happy with intercaste marriage just to maintain relationship in society. It is okay to bother about the society but at the same time we should bother about our children also. there was a time when a girl's boundary was within the house only. Now the boys and girls are participating equally in all the activities.
    So, in the case of marriage we as a parents should see the correct match, who can live a happy and prosperous life. We should take a lesson from higher class people. You can see in political class or in film industry or anywhere in upper class society. the do not see the caste at all. There priority is to see the correct match. So, you can convince your parents on these parameters. I hope they will agree for the sake of their child.

  • #140668
    In our society due to long established cast and creed system people are afraid of our own folks criticizing and downgrading us if our children marry inter caste. The fear is so deeply rooted that it takes time and courage to come out of it.
    In such a situation one has to be very diplomatic and patient in convincing his parents. The process will take time and while discussing the issue confrontation is to be avoided.
    The changing society and changing patterns of marriage globally are to be explained in a broader way with a necessity for the same in modern society is also to be emphasized. Examples of unsuccessful same caste marriages are also to be quoted to make the point effective.
    Convincing is an art which requires lot of patience. The last resort of declaring yourself an independent adult is always open and can be used to show your firmness.

    Knowledge is power.


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