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  • Category: Marriage

    Need solution for my marriage


    Confused about your relationship status? Are your parents forcing you to get married elsewhere where you don't want to? Check the expert guidance given here.

    I am 24 yrs old and was in relationship with my colleague during the time of working due to the too much of affection,we did reg.marriage. A year passed, our love matter was known to my parents are not accept our love and ready to another marriage. I am too afraid to say this to my parents, now say this to my boy friend that he said to come out from home. Based on my situation, i couldnt come from home,my parents are ready to make marriage soon.If i do second marriage it will lead any problem or else it wont affect anything of my married life.From my point of view,he will not make any problem in my marriage.Kindly give any solution to this or else i ll leave this world is only the way.
  • #140868
    TThis response is marked as DELETED by the admin.

    I would request the author to ask this question in 'Ask Expert' section. However, I would like to intimate that if you are already married (you have said so), the second marriage would be illegal and all of you (yourself and your parents) will face legal action.
    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #140869
    TThis response is marked as DELETED by the admin.

    This question is being shifted to the Ask Expert section.
    'Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance'- Confucius

  • #140872
    Are you kidding? Are you not serious about your own life? I feel that you have acted crazily and immaturely. Why you stayed separately even after registering your marriage? If it was to stay separately why you married at all? Ok gone is gone.Now how to mend the situation. It is urgent also.

    It is quite wrong that you did not disclose your marriage to your parents. That is why it has led to this very difficult situation.
    Do not waste time. Disclose honestly all that has happened. You have registered your marriage. That means there is a legal angle to the whole matter.

    Fall at the feet of your parents, beg pardon for not disclosing on time and request their help. After all, they are parents and their only aim is welfare of their children They may fret, fume, threat even of suicide. But be very calm. Tell them that you still love and respect them. Convince them patiently.

    Sometimes the matter may become solved more easily and smoothly than you fear.

    But, before that consult your spouse. What is the situation in his side parents?

    Please just know that you do not have any immediate alternative than sticking on to the registered marriage, and for a new marriage you have to undergo the long process of divorce. I hope all that things may not reach that extent.

    For any problem there is a suitable solution. Your problem also has its smooth solution. If you are afraid to met your parents alone, take some elders whom you have confidence and who have some influence on your parents.

    Do not waste time, approach everything by remaining patient , calm, polite, decent and confident. Ensure that your spouse loves you truly and sincerely and he is also capable to handle the situation and take care of you.(as you are married why you call boy friend?)Go ahead. Best wishes.

  • #140875
    I have gone through the question very carefully. I want to state very clearly that if you are already married to your colleague legally and if your marriage is registered, you can't have second marriage legally before divorce/death of the partner. So, you have to be mentally strong and inform your parents about your marriage. Thereafter, you have to live with your husband leaving your parental home. There should not be an iota of doubt in your mind on this issue.

    Furthermore, I advise you not to think about ending your life even for a second. You are an adult and a working lady. You have taken a major decision of marriage without taking into confidence your parents. So, you have to be mentally strong to confront various upheavals which you are facing or will face in future. Only one thing you have to remember: "If winter comes, can spring be far behind?" The bad days will ultimately go, and bright, sunny days will definitely arrive.

    Best wishes to you and your partner.

    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #140878
    Well I have seen exact same situation of my friend. They have done marriage secretly and stay at their own house as single. Situation arise when your parents start looking for proposals. You have following options.
    1. First talk to your parents, both of you. Tell them about your love and register marriage. Convince them to have this accept and ask for giving blessings through traditional wedding ceremony. This is most likely difficult option. And parents might ask you file divorce. If you feel your partner still love you and wanted to continue as life partner with you then fight till end. In that case you have all the rights to leave home with legal protection and stay separate.
    2. This is something my friend did. It is your choice to do or not. Already way you have hiding about marriage. My friend did same and told parents about love partner. Both of them did told parents same time and asked permission for marriage through traditional ceremony. After 1 year of continuous asking finally they agreed as many family members got involved in talks. So in small ceremony they got married. Though it don't give enjoyment of marriage, it gives you satisfaction of being together.
    3. If you are still not convinced having same partner and not completed one year of marriage then file annulment and easily can void the marriage. If you have completed 1 year of marriage then file divorce secretly the way you did registration. Ask more time for parents for your new marriages. Since you will marry with parents will they will agree to wait.

    Love is curious and complicated which disturbs and affectionate between people. There are divorce happened between arrange and love marriage people. So marriage need understanding of both partners. Otherwise only parents are the one who take cares of you.

    Don't think about extreme steps. By gods grace you have well health and relations , some people gets very small life and sometimes don't have organs to do what they wish. Better think positive and understand your partner.
    Worst case there are many examples of successful single women. Read their biography and stay calm. Keep attitude of never leave parents. Stay healthy and happy.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • #140880
    Marriage is an institution of love, respect and faith. You cant go on changing your life partner endlessly. If you love a person you must find out whether it is due to his or her good caring nature and other virtues or it is merely physical attraction.
    If you are sure that you are made for each other and can sacrifice anything for your beloved then why to fear from your parents. Parents are only facilitators for the marriage. They can not force you to marry a person of your dislike.
    We must respect our parents but it does not mean we will follow them blindly. Whether it is arranged marriage or love marriage it is only successful when good understanding and love is generated between the couple.
    So in any case one to one talk with parents is required to resolve the crisis. There are cases when people have abandoned their parents for the sake of their own love and surprisingly these were the only people who gave shelter to their aged parents in future.
    Time is the greatest healing agent and I am sure with time these differences go to backstage.
    So both of you should take up the situation boldly and with an attitude - come what may - if you are really and seriously in true love with each other.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #140889
    Marriage is a personal affair. At the same time it is also a social event because parents have certain things in their mind which force them to adhere to traditional social rules and regulations. It is not that parents are against their children it is simply their apprehension of society in case they deviate from the social aspects of marriage.
    Anyway this type of confrontations and difference of opinion are to be sorted out by mutual discussions and understanding.
    If nothing comes out of negotiations one has to take a bold decision and sort out the way oneself.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #140898
    First of all, you should be the capability to analyse the pros and cons of the situation. Marriage is a lasting relationship calling for lot of sacrifices and adjustments at different stages. Pleasure is definitely derived with mutual sacrifices and to have the lasting relationship of marriage, mutual trust between the two is the prime consideration.
    Since you were not serious enough while entering into the contract of marriage,now is the time to reevaluate a few factors and just see whether your fiancé possess the same or not.
    1) Appreciation of mutual feelings- This quality is essential for the sustenance of happy relationship of the marriage.
    2) Mutual trust- This quality would bind you together in the comfortable relationship.
    3) Sacrifice for each other - In caseT of any health - disorder with which one is entrapped, the other partner should take full attention to the other partner for the stabilisation of the relationship.
    4) Stable - income of the family- This parameter is essential to take care of family - expenses. In due course, both of you would be placed with kids and they would need a lot of money for their education and proper upbringing apart from your parental care.
    Instead of finding a fresh partner, please look into these parameters and if he is endowed with all these qualities, convince your parents that you have got a right partner and there is no need to break the existing relationship. Never give undue preference for having the same cast relationship.

  • #140902
    If you do second marriage ,it is illegal and cheating with partner.You go with your colleague informing your parents
    In the beginning they will not support you,but at last they will go with you.Parents pardon their children's mistake.
    Their love with children make to do so.Don't loose heart.Handle the situation smartly.

    Service to mankind is service to God.

  • #140906
    By reading your problem itself, one can come to a conclusion that your thinking and behaviour is of pure immature. So far whatever has been taken place in your life and the thinking of leaving the world at this of point of time is also counts under your immaturity. In my opinion, you have already done a tough job by marrying him and a bold and wise decision to register that marriage. Since your husband is also supporting you (as you said he is asking to come out), you dont need to be more panic. As our friends already suggested, your first job is to convince your parents at any cost which is not at all a tougher job to you (since got married without disclosing to your parents). Still if you are unable to convince them, take the help of anyone amongst your relatives or family friends on whom words your parents keep confidence.

    Even if these two options could not solve your problem, still dont be panic since your marriage is registered, take the help of Law & Order which will be definitely in your way to get the things done. The problem posed by you is not unique to you only. We have heard and seen of such problems which have been solved in some cases in feather light manner.

    Finally before concluding, I tell you that please delete your two thoughts of second marriage and leaving the world. In our tradition, marriage has got its own sanctity and hence respect it. Likewise, more than that life is very precious dont think to cut it off for whatsoever reasons.

    All the very best to you and your life partner. May the almighty bless you.

  • #140932
    I think you have made some mistakes and you have to stand on them as an adult. You have to take the responsibility. For example, you have to talk to your parents and let them get into confidence. Explain them and tell them what happened. This can be serious issue. So discuss with your parents and keep your current husband in front of you.

    First step of getting rid of any problem is accepting that problem exist. And then admit the mistake. No matter whose fault it is. Then the part comes where you try to work on the outcome and change the direction. This is how you should be thinking. And your focus in all of this has to be as much as positive as it can get.

    Another thing is that consult with psychologist. And forget about committing suicide. You are married with one guy now. And you have to take that life ahead. Find whatever way life can work out for you. And do the needful. Always think from future perspective not from past view.

  • #140971
    Leaving this world is not an answer to your problem. Please do not do anything rash. There is always a way out for every situation. You have to be brave and ready to face the consequences of your actions.

    The first thing that you must remember is that you are an adult and your parents cannot force you into marrying someone they choose for you. The second and more important is the fact that you are already married. You had a court marriage and it is registered. Marrying again, without a divorce is an offence under section 494 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC). The man is your husband and no longer your boyfriend. If he wants he can go to the police or the court and ask for their assistance to get the two of you united.

    You need to speak to your parents – tell them that you are married and that they can either accept the situation graciously or act difficult. The first choice is good for both them and you. If they accept your marriage they can proudly introduce your husband to the world and also perform marriage rituals according to your tradition. They cannot change the fact that you are married nor can they deny it. Registered marriages are legal and recorded.
    If you are unable to speak to your parents then have someone else do it for you. Confide in an uncle or an aunt or a family friend – someone who can sympathise with your situation and who is respected by your parents. Have them speak to your parents.

    If your husband's family is aware of your marriage they can also be asked to approach your parents.

    Do not under any circumstance agree to get married a second time. You will only create trouble for yourself. Not only will you be committing an offence, the marriage will also be illegal. You loved the man and married him out of love. Do not let family pressure (emotional blackmail) kill that love. Marriage is not a game. Stand up for your love. He assures you that he will not create problems if you get married again - see the love that he has for you. He is a good man. Don't give up someone so good. True love is really hard to find and if you have found true love stay committed.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #140986
    This is very common now a days. I don't understand sister, why are you afraid when you loved him truly (and married him). Just imagine - you got frustrated and finally left the world one day. How could your husband live without you? How could your parents live without you? What happens when your parents gets to know about the marriage, the way of marriage and your husband too. How will they treat your husband. Ever imagined about all these things?

    AS Juana said, "Leaving this world is not an answer to your problem" - is absolutely true! Spend sometime with your parents, make them happy and speak up about your relationship. Hopefully, they will be angry for just few days. They have to accept it, you're their own daughter after all. Being afraid and ending up your life is not always the right option. You need to work harder and face the situation bravely. Approach your husband's family as well. Talk to them about the relation and try to understand their reason behind hatred.

    Don't take any wrong step and let the world laugh at your relationship. Fight for your love and convince your parents bravely. I'm sure they will accept if handled in calm and right way!

    Regards,
    Danish
    Believe in originality, not in creativity!

  • #141038
    Hi,

    Please be patient!Past is not under your control but you can streamline your present and future.

    I understand that you have got married and your parents don't know about it.People do mistakes and it can be corrected/ rectified.As of now, you need to immediately inform your parents that you have already got married a year back and let them know why you did it.Let them be aware that your married and not look for guy any more... If not, that will lead to a big issue and unnecessary nuisance.They may get angry,frustrated but you need to be patient as you have hidden it all these days from them. Just imagine could you tolerate it? So just be patient and they will understand eventually .Be aware of the fact that all parents love their children and that's what they get angry .Just Inform your husband to meet your parents and convince them and assure that he will be with you and your family always.This will help your parents understand the bond between you and your husband. You being their daughter know your parents well and just try to convince them as per their frequency . Leaving the earth is something not right thought my dear...You need to understand that you need to live for your parents and your husband.Also, your husband is supportive and ready to stay separately so just don't worry. Do convey your parents how much you love them!

    Just you need to be patient and face everything and make things right.Think Positive and Hope for Best. Take its as a challenge to correct your life and people around you.


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