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  • Category: Marriage

    How to feel comfortable and live happily after marriage?


    Facing problems in having physical intimacy with your wedded partner? Find out how you can reignite the spark in your married relationship.

    I'm a 26 years old girl and just have an arranged marriage, both of us are well educated. It's been four months to our marriage and we still are not in physical relation. I'm not able to respond and sometimes rather than enjoying it, I feel like irritation.
    We got engaged before six months of our marriage. 15 days after engagement were so beautiful and enjoyed a lot. After that he reduced communicating. We were at very long distance that we couldn't meet several times. I asked him many times what's wrong with him but he replied with 'there is nothing much to discuss, I'm busy all the day and you are not able to keep me awake.' I ignored this at that time as I came to know he is very shy and quite reserved.
    Due to our own works we need to live apart and meet on weekends. We do talk on phone regularly. He is so mature to handle each and every situation nicely, very helpful and caring. But I'm not able to connect with him as I'm not feeling that attention and love from him. He don't think that there is any problem in our relationship but still has now started taking some efforts towards me. But because of such previous experiences, now I'm not able to respond him.
    Every night I start crying with my mind full of negative thoughts of indifference. Now at the weekends I don't want to go to meet him just because I again need to say 'No' to him.
    This is the most crucial period of my career and because of all this issues I'm not willing to do anything and just wasting my time. I want to come out of this situation asap.
  • #142090
    I don't see much of a problem in your marriage. If you think deeply you are makings mounds out of a mole. This happens with people going for arranged marriages. Let us address your problem one by one.
    1. Problem in communication-This is a gap generated by both of you. Since your husband didn't post this question and you did, you should take the first step. You meet your husband on weekends. Take that time to understand your husband more and more. Just for those two days, focus only on your marriage. If you have a lot of work pressure then choose the afternoon time to solve them. In the morning or at night sit with your husband, watch television, cook together. In short, do whatever you both are comfortable in. While you two are at it, discuss your heart out and solve your problems
    2. Career over marriage-If you wanted to achieve something really big in your career, then why did you get married at the first place? You could have delayed it until you are at the peak of your career. There is nothing wrong in getting married after you fix your career. In fact, that would have been a wise decision. So never blame your husband for your career. You are responsible for your own career, keep that in mind.
    3. Negative thoughts-Negative thoughts are coming to you, just because you are not able to discuss the problem with your husband. You are hiding your intimacy problems from the only person on this Earth whom you will be intimate with. That is why you are crying your heart out but not getting a solution. Talk to your husband about this intimacy problem.
    4. Intimacy problems-For this you must consult a doctor or a marriage consultant. You should try short vacations. You will be able to become intimate better if you get some alone time. A short tour will also rejuvenate your mind and help you get a fresh outlook on your marriage.

    Also for more information go through my article on marital problems and solutions.

    Live life Kingsize!

  • #142091
    You need to be little proactive and ask him about your expectations. Nothing wrong to be little dominance to understand situation. Don't think him as your husband and treat him as your friend and talk. Give some more time to this relationship. Plan some vacation time out in hill station or sea shore. More you will talk each other more you will be close together.
    Getting separated is very easy but forgetting feeling of getting hurt is unforgettable. If there is no change in mood of his attitude then something is wrong. If you don't able to find out then marriage would not be successful and it will remain on paper only. You always have choice of filing annulment to void marriage within year. Keep positive attitude , time and situation changes everything.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • #142093
    The present issues can be addressed provided you are open to your mind. What you need at this juncture to sort out the prevailing issues in an amicable way and in order to normalise the relationship, the following steps are required to be taken.
    1) You need to have frank dialogue with your fiancé and do apprise him of your likeness, your taste and also encourage him to be open to his heart so that misunderstanding if any can be sorted out without lingering any delay.
    2) There is always time for the betterment of your career. Your thinking that marriage has jeopardised the same is not correct. Take the consent of better half in the direction of your career, may be he would suggest you some ideas benificial to your career. However, you need to prioritise your steps.
    3) Shed away your negative thoughts since in the grip of negativity, you cannot achieve the desired results.
    4) Try to appreciate your partner and satisfy him emotionally and in that way, many minor problems will disappear.

  • #142102
    Marriage between two people is based on the understanding that they will be happy and contented during their marital life. If it is not so the whole purpose of marriage is lost.

    Two persons have to live together but they have come from different backgrounds and having their own set of habits. Under such a mismatch how they can be in a state of peaceful coexistance? This is a question which has intrigued most of us time to time.

    A happy married life travels on a platform of give and take, mutual respect, transparency, faith and unselfishness. If a couple can evolve these traits in their day to day life there is no reason why they will be deprived of happiness in their life. The problem comes when one of the partner unnecessarily starts expecting from other and makes it a issue. What is required is to inculcate a feeling of doing something for him or her rather asking.

    There are no short cuts to a happy married life. Continuous efforts are required from both the sides to make the journey of life a pleasant one.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #142114
    First of all, you have been married for only four months now, right? It's not such a long period. I get it that you both were interested in each other first but then work distanced you both. I think the most practical approach would be- A vacation. Ask him to take a leave. Travel repairs every broken thing. You both will get to enjoy each other's company for a while that way. You can solve your differences. You say he's shy right? But I hope you aren't . Just pour out the things in your heart. After all he's working this hard to keep you happy right?
    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #142126
    At the very first, remove your fear and imagination that something is wrong with you or your partner or your marriage.
    The main factor which is now the basic reason for all your 'supposedly' problems is the physical distance between you two.
    The immediate remedy needed is for both of you to take a few days leave or holiday and go on a visit to any place where you both will be free to be together always. That proximity will solve all the existing problems even if any. After all, marriage is togetherness.
    If any one of you is not able to take leave, let the other take leave and you both stay together for some days.

    You should be happy tat your partner is mature, positive and even taking initiatives. But if you are not positively responding, then, by and by real problems and weariness will creep and you may be in for real problems.

    Definitely take time and you both sit together and discuss how you both can be staying together. There may be some need of one or the other to take a transfer to near the other. Please discuss if your career ambition is the real villain. If so take some considered decision without feeling any regret.
    Both of you may visit a gynaecologist also and have some frank discussions. There will be some solution from the doctor for your feeling"feel like irritation.".

    Make a suitable arrangement immediately to ensure that both of you are together at all times after office work.

  • #142129
    I would like to highlight your point that '15 days after engagement were so beautiful and enjoyed a lot.' Just refresh those days; what made you enjoy those days? If you could enjoy those fifteen days, what is blocking the same now?

    Please understand that one need to be mentally prepared and ready if you are to have a satisfactory physical relation. Do some retrospection as to why your husband is distanced from you. There can be many possibilities including your appeal, physically and mentally, and also the psychological approach of your husband. If you are sure about your priorities and is sure about what you want, do take your husband to a psychiatric consultant and speak your heart out, because you appear to have a psychological block somewhere.

    From what I could gather from your query, I think it is you who need some medical assistance rather than your husband. Leave alone all assumptions and presumptions and be true to yourself. Physical relation can be enjoyed only when two minds meet! Life is very short, adjust and enjoy!
    '.

    "To be proud of knowledge is to be blind with light" - Benjamin Franklin

  • #142526
    TThis response is marked as DELETED by the admin.

    At the very first, remove your fear and imagination that something is wrong with you or your partner or your marriage.
    The main factor which is now the basic reason for all your 'supposedly' problems is the physical distance between you two.
    The immediate remedy needed is for both of you to take a few days leave or holiday and go on a visit to any place where you both will be free to be together always. That proximity will solve all the existing problems even if any. After all, marriage is togetherness.
    If any one of you is not able to take leave, let the other take leave and you both stay together for some days.

    You should be happy tat your partner is mature, positive and even taking initiatives. But if you are not positively responding, then, by and by real problems and weariness will creep and you may be in for real problems.

    Definitely take time and you both sit together and discuss how you both can be staying together. There may be some need of one or the other to take a transfer to near the other. Please discuss if your career ambition is the real villain. If so take some considered decision without feeling any regret.
    Both of you may visit a gynaecologist also and have some frank discussions. There will be some solution from the doctor for your feeling"feel like irritation.".

    Make a suitable arrangement immediately to ensure that both of you are together at all times after office work.

    Marriage between two people is based on the understanding that they will be happy and contented during their marital life. If it is not so the whole purpose of marriage is lost.

    Two persons have to live together but they have come from different backgrounds and having their own set of habits. Under such a mismatch how they can be in a state of peaceful coexistance? This is a question which has intrigued most of us time to time.

    A happy married life travels on a platform of give and take, mutual respect, transparency, faith and unselfishness. If a couple can evolve these traits in their day to day life there is no reason why they will be deprived of happiness in their life. The problem comes when one of the partner unnecessarily starts expecting from other and makes it a issue. What is required is to inculcate a feeling of doing something for him or her rather asking.

    There are no short cuts to a happy married life. Continuous efforts are required from both the sides to make the journey of life a pleasant one.


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