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  • Category: Marriage

    Misunderstandings between my parents and my in-laws


    Having a problem with inlaws? Searching for methods to resolve misunderstanding? Check out this page for response to your queries.

    I recently got married.
    After I accepted his love, we had 3 years of long distance relationship. Finally the day came when our parents accepted and fixed our marriage date. My inlaws demanded for dowry. Although my parents were not interested but accepted to give dowry for sake of my love. As the wedding day was coming closer, my inlaws started more demands one after another. My dad accepted for every thing they asked.
    One fine day, my parents discussed all the things that my inlaws demanded in front of elder people from both the families as custom and as evidence.
    This is something that my inlaws didn't want to disclose to every one (as they were showcasing as that they are not taking any dowry)
    Here they started to maintaining distance with my parents.

    We are very happy couple and my inlaws are also good to me. But when the topic comes about my parents- my husband and my inlaws never respect them and always try to showcase a distance.
    They never come to my home and do not talk to my parents.
    They allow me to go my home but they don't allow my husband come along with me.

    I just wanted to erase the misunderstandings between them.
    How can I bring them closer?
  • #142702
    This can't be erased easily. Whole life your upbringing done by your parents and they got such mental harassment because of you so it will be difficult to digest. Specially men don't forget if their ego and self respect is hurt. So ultimately your husband has to play role to treat them as equal to you parents. You both should gift them something worth that is equal to your dowry amount that way they will get trust that at least your husband is not like in laws. Firstly you should not be ready for marriage if there was dowry demand.
    Next have frequent meetings of in laws and your parents whenever there is opportunity like festivals , pooja etc. Your in laws will never agree that dowry is given. That is something no one will agree. If they do they know they might go in jail. And your father knows that they have cheated them for sake of Marriage which is very much hurt them.
    Worst scenario instead of trying to become middleman of in laws and parents , make your life more healthy with husband. You are future for your parents so as long as you are happy they should be happy.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • #142715
    Thinking positive is not only a strength but also give confidence for your thoughts. Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage happens in the stage nowadays, most of them are open
    and also happens these in the stages itself. This is also one of the factor that most of them auncle aunty do not accept as they treat dowry as their family matters. Some people accept
    that as a matter of family status and give it in front of the crowd. But some of them do not like this happening in the stage.
    This misunderstanding goes on as time travels in the life of both the sides as a child may be born. This some times dissolves the dispute among both of the parents and auncle and aunties.

  • #142718
    Your situation is not that much serious or complicated. It happens I many families in similar situations. It needs your patience, restraint and your good relation , affection and care to your husband, to solve the matter. Please do not expect miracles to happen overnight. Time will definitely heal all wounds and close all gaps.

    Your in laws are still wounded in accepting a marriage which they did not approve from heart. They thought that by increasing demands your parents will backtrack at some moment. But when that did not happen, they felt defeated by your parents. So they feel your parents are responsible for the marriage happening. That irritation continues.
    If you are sure that your husband loves you sincerely and doe not regret that he married you against the wishes of his parents, then be confident. Do not open the topic of your parents frequently at home. Tell him and prove by your actions that you love him first. He may be in a delicate situation and does not want to hurt his parents by openly showing regards to your parents.

    Create some situations where your parents meet you and husband alone in some common place like the functions in a relatives home, some pilgrimage centre, tourist place, hotel etc. Make it appear as natural. Then you can know how your husband feels in reality. Also ensure that you do not expose him in front of his parents about meeting your parents. Let your parents send him greetings or gift discreetly without his parents knowing on important days like your wedding day, his birthday, etc.

    Do not do anything to precipitate matters. Your parents can handle the matter with broad mind and proper understanding. Do not take more occasions to visit your parents alone by yourself. Make it only on very important and relevant occasions. Slowly things will become quite normal. Probably coming of a 'new member' in your family may make that faster and easier.

    Best Wishes.

  • #142719
    The problem is not very serious because your in laws and husband are trusting you. Now to bring down the gap between to families, you have to act carefully. Your husband likes and not troubling you. So make him happy with your works and try to take him to outing many times, so that both of you will get more close.Help him in his works so that he will develop a positive attitude towards you completely Once you build up that confidence slowly you can tell him how your parents have taken troubles to bring you up and try to explain all the good points of your parents. It will bring some level of acceptance in your husband. When you go outside without informing your husband see that your parents will meet you both . Once your husband accepts your family , his parents will also change.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #142757

    As per your narration the main reason of the misunderstanding is the greed of your in laws and as your husband is not helping to bring the parties nearer it is now totally your responsibility to bring them to good terms.

    Apparently it is a tough task to influence all of them for the cease-fire but you must do continuous efforts for that as you are the only common person liked by both the parties. Remember time is the greatest healing agent and with your continuous intelligent efforts this time will be shortened significantly. Gradually your husband will also start to understand your sincere efforts and in that case you will be strengthened. He should try to take his parents out of their unnecessary greed and false ego.

    You have to find ways and means to achieve this objective at your own level by devising some simple methods specially at festival times when people are in a mood to meet each other.


    Knowledge is power.


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