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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    How to stop hating some people in life?


    Have a query about relationships? Searching for an amicable solution online? Find advice from experts on this page.

    I am a 26 years old girl. When many people first come in contact with me both of us are happy with each other. As per my experience, I start finding negative sides of them as time proceeds. I tend to feel jealous and insecure in the group. This leads to damaging the relation between us.
    Another problem of mine is that I feel less comfortable with the people who are more qualitative (in terms of anything like personality, confidence etc) than me. Many times I can't handle it if somebody is giving advice to me.
    I want to get rid of both these problems and want to feel happy and confident from within.
  • #142704
    Dear, All fingers are not same. Each individual is different each one possess their own talents and skills. We need to accept that and understand. We too have our own talent and skills, we need to recognize and give it a shape to progress in life.

    All individuals are not perfect. Each one will have some or the other weakness. We have to understand this also.
    To continue a relationship for long first we need to avoid hurting with words, insulting and finding faults with others. You should avoid being jealous, when your friend shows or excels in her nature or skills that are exemplary.

    Try to appreciate the other person, be happy that you have a good friend feel comfortable that you are in a company of good individuals. You have to understand also that getting company of good individuals is a boon to us. Try not to spoil those relationships. Try to always find good qualities in a person and try to cultivate those for your personal growth. When we can find faults with others we should also be accepting the fact that we too lack in something or we may have weakness in certain areas. When somebody gives advice understand that you have to improve upon those areas of values that is not acceptable in the society. You need to make little by little those changes for others to continue your relation ships and to be accepted by all.

    Understand that advice's are meant to correct over-selves to progress in the right path. We should be humble enough to accept the advice. Receiving advice from someone close is for our good and our prospects. Nobody else comes and offers advice for free. You should let go of your ego and accept the fact that advice's are for your self improvement, your well-being and your growth. Try to overcome those weakness within you and equip yourself or overcome those inabilities for betterment. Try not to discourage or enter into arguments for that matter. Be mature enough to understand.

    Good that you have realized that you can't stand someone doing good or that they are more qualitative. You have the ability to understand that and what problems or inadequacies you have within you, try to handle them. You should accept others achievements, others qualities and learn to applaud or appreciate them for the same. Make yourself strong enough to receive the advice's and implement them for your lives. This would enhance your stature in others view and lets the relationships to continue. Become more confident, read good self help books to improve your- self confidence and boost your morale.

    As your have already accepted your own faults it's not difficult for you to get over these problems. Feel happy, move with confidence build upon the relationships, let go of hurts, egos and jealousy.

    Wishing you the Best!

  • #142714
    First of all I appreciate your frankness I admitting your problem and asking for solution.
    That itself is a welcome situation and it shows that you can amend and improve. A good start.

    Now, let me say that whatever you feel is not a very big problem as you feel now, and most of the people would have similar problems and they would have got it solved gradually by life experiences or by getting help and advise from others.

    You are young and naturally you lack experience of life. We all have come by experiencing various situations in life. Then we come to know where we are wrong and how to correct it. You also would do that similarly.
    The positive part is that you are now pro-active. You know your problem, but want guidance to solve it. It will appear very easy to you when I cull it out from your own question above, and present it in simple words before you.

    1. At first you are happy with others then, "start finding negative sides of them as time proceeds.".

    Reason; fatigue out of familiarity. Old quote is" Familiarity breeds contempt".

    Solution: You need to nourish and maintain relations. You have to know each other slowly and steadily only. Do not finish that in one day or one week. This will be needed throughout your life in any relation that needs to be maintained long. Involve them and introduce them to your other friends and realties. See only their positives. Do not give too much attention other negatives. Spend regulated time with them. Spread your time with others also and for your on other needs.

    2." I tend to feel jealous and insecure in the group."
    .Jealousy is not your monopoly. Most persons have it. But many outgrow it.

    Reason: Jealousy comes from lack of self confidence and lack of achievement. It comes from avoidable comparison with others.

    Solution: For this you have to work hard in one or two things and get expertise and excel in that. At the very first, stop comparing you with others. Accept that each one is individually unique and have separate space and opportunity. Let each one shine in their on field. You select your field and shine in that. But for that you have to put sincere and focused efforts In other fields you enjoy others excellence and openly appreciate them. Then that will become mutually appreciating and helping and supporting. Jealousy will automatically vanish. Of course theoretically it is easy. It needs sincere and constant practice. You can do it if you are open in mind and heart..

    3. " I feel less comfortable with the people who are more qualitative (in terms of anything like personality, confidence etc."

    Reason: Lack of self confidence.
    Solution: Accept that each one have their own path, space and achievement. Believe in yourself, have confidence, have faith in destiny or God, pray, but work hard.
    Follow the quote" Pray to God, Oh sailor, but row towards the shore.". Philosophise like Bhagavat Gita
    " Karmanyevaadhikaarasthe ma phaleshu kadachina".

    4. " I can't handle it if somebody is giving advice to me."(You have to stop this attitude immediately)

    Reason: Your lack of experience. You are like a 'frog in the well'. You are not aware of the larger lakes and seas outside and away from you. Your world is short like a small pond.

    Solution: We expand our world from reading, from experiencing ourselves, and from others experiencing. Advice from others constitute the last of the three. It is like chewing a readymade tablet than the laborious and tedious process of making a medicine ourselves. Always listen to others advice patiently at least till you get your own. You need not follow their advice immediately or word by word. Keep it in mind. It will come handy when you need it. If you shun experienced people, they may not come to your when you may really need them.

    Mix with people who are knowledgeable, experienced and elder to you along with your own peers. More friends and more familiar people will expand your horizon and you will automatically come out of your cocoon. But be always prudent and know ho to take care of you from being cheated also. Observe and get help from you own parents and elder relatives also. After all they are your first well wishers.

    All the best.

  • #142723
    You really have a lot of issues.
    Your feeling insecure in groups gives me an idea that you were bullied in past. Or had a traumatic experience in childhood. People usually get bored of others eventually, no big deal. But make sure you don't erupt before them. Ignore them if you want or calmly walk away from their lives.
    Feeling jealous shows that you're a self-critical person. That's good to be honest. You are jealous because you know your flaws, now that you know them, fix them.
    And you say you don't like to be advised. Try to fix that habit. People advise when they care about you.
    Try to think "I know nothing" when others advise, if the advice was worth, accept it. Else, let it go.
    There's a solution that can help you overall. Start talking to strangers. That'd help you communicate better.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #142733
    Nature has provided us many traits which we can modify and control to some extent but can not remove completely. These natural qualities are different from individual to individual and surface out spontaneously In presence of any activating situation or gathering.

    Psychologists have propounded big theories and methods and curative workshops to cure or control these outbursts of our inherent nature but none of them work until unless the individual is mentally prepared for the change and has strong will power to do so.

    In your case only you and no one else can bring the requisite change. One thing which we can suggest is devote your time more in knowledge oriented activities like learning a language, reading famous books by renowned authors, creative writing, logical analysis and subjects like that. This will infuse a confidence in you and you will soon find that people have listening to you more attentively and you will be welcome in every gathering and some will be looking to you with envy.

    Most of the times it is our inferiority complex which manifest in our behavior. We have to kill this complex by excelling in our life by hard work and dedication in whichever field we want to make our career.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #142735
    I must admire you for your frankness. At least you are aware of your shortcomings and incencerely interested to change your negative attitude. You may implement a few points so that you would be the centre of attraction among your circles.
    1) The first and foremost thing is that you should not be over critical and stop finding fault of others. In fact, no body likes to hear the shortcomings one possesses.
    2) Start conversasation with a positive note.
    3) In case, you notice any commendable job done by your acquainted, appreciate him and the same should be passed on to your colleagues as well. Such behaviour would reflect your benovalence and generosity - essential for strengthening the relationships.
    4) There are ways and means to rectify the shortcomings of the others. You need to have patience and take your friends in confidence. Cautiously choose words which should not hurt him during your course of conversation. Mind it each of us have some weakness and an attempt should be made to rectify one's drawback if it is absolutely essential.
    5) Never feel jealous of others of their novel qualities, instead try to nurture such basic qualities.
    By being a little careful in your dealings, you can have a charming personality and ultimately be lovable to all.

  • #142792
    I think hate has cause. Like any other emotion, it has cause that makes you do things in life. So find out the cause behind that hate. And then see what you can do about it. And then take steps further. Trick here is understanding your emotion. This process is known as mindfulness. This can be learned from the action of learning to stay in present. That process helps you understand how to keep people off from making get stress to your body and mind.

    1. Learn how to not take things personally.
    2. Avoid arguments of any kind.
    3. Don't listen to personal issues of other people if it stresses you.
    4. Learn how to avoid discussing negative. Learn how to bow out of such discussion.
    5. Learn how to practice mindfulness.

    This should give you direction for what to do now instead of what happened earlier.


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