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  • Category: Lawyers

    Marraige issues: Concern regarding mental torture by in laws


    Have a query regarding mental torture by in laws? Worried how to proceed ahead? No worries, read the advice from experts here and understand whether to go to police or woman's cell to overcome this mental torture.

    DeI am writing this mail for your suggestions and guidance. My friend has recently got married and she is facing issues in her marriage.

    Before going through the points please note that this is their second marriage. Both my friend as well as her present husband were married earlier and dissolved their earlier marriage mutually on papers. I am writing you the problems point wise for a better understanding

    1. Her husband and in laws are against registering the marriage. They got married in March, 2017 as per Hindu rituals in the presence of friends and relatives. Before marriage they assured her that the marriage will be registered later but now they are not willing to do so. Moreover her husband is not even willing for any kind of documentation. Against of any joint bank account, and not letting her change the residential address in voter id.

    2. Her in laws don't communicate with her and if they do, they start fighting with her by blaming, abusing and mentally torturing her.

    3. She has shared all these concerns with her husband but he is not ready to take any move and neither he is supporting her.

    4. My friend texted me few hours back and was sharing her latest concern, she was saying that her in laws are making some kind of plans against her. Few days back they threatened that they will go to police and will complain against her that she is torturing them. Then they will throw her out of their home and will destroy her marriage. We are afraid that they might do anything against her which will be not true.

    Can you suggest what should be done now? Should we go to any women's cell or police for a general complain as a precaution? Or we should do something else?
  • #146300
    Both of them married once and divorced separately. They married now as per Hindu rituals. This is witnessed by their friends and relatives. They might have printed invitation cards. The marriage was performed in which place. Is it in the house or in any temple. If it is in the temple the receipt given by the temple authorities will be useful as a valid document for marriage. These days marriage registration is a must. For all practical purposes, it is required. Why the in-laws and husband are not acceptable for this? Is your friend having any property on her name? Your friend had a problem in the first marriage also. So let her not take any hasty decision. What I suggest is better arrange a meeting with the parents and parents in law of your friend, better you also present and discuss all the problems openly and let the other side also tell their problems. It is better to come out with a single solution acceptable to both the parties. If this approach is not working out well then you can to a lawyer and explain him the whole history and take his advise.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #146314
    As this is the narration from only one side we have to believe it and suggest the remedial measures. In my opinion the situation is still controllable as the things have not gone beyond the limits.

    The relation between the husband and wife is a very delicate one and everything here depends on the trust and faith. Both of them in this case are divorcees and there is a history of there character having instability for coexisting. So they are again going towards the logical conclusion that is divorce.

    Your friend must ponder over the premises under which she got married to that particular person. Was it only physical attraction or real love that brought them together. These are the things required to be understood in great details. What was the perceptible change she observed in the behavior of his husband after a few days of marriage. Was it induced by the in laws? She must find out the answer to these questions as they are crucial to resolve this dilemma.

    She also must introspect herself for her own faults in this case. Though in this world no one accepts his or her faults but sometimes the whole problem is created due to our mistakes and dubious behavior.

    Before taking a final call for going to extreme steps of divorce or court case one must search for the possibilities of negotiations and solutions to the problem by sitting together and sort out the issues. Until unless she takes the responsibilities of the family and treat her in laws respectfully the situation may not improve. The marital life is a life of mutual trust and sacrifices and without that the question of coexisting does not arise.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #146315
    If the facts are correct and your friend's life is at risk or at stake, then please act soon and ask her the leave the place for a few days and then approach the women's cell helpline that's in place in many major cities.

    If it's just discontent at home, then you being her friend, try to find out more about the situation.

    Both have had a previous marriage that had to be ended. Are there any issues legal, social or personal pending from that previous marriage on both sides that is starting the present discord.
    Is there any unsettled financial issues that have to be settled
    Are there any children from the previous marriages that need to be supported.
    How many people from your friend's family are dependent on your friend for their daily life and expenses.
    Does your friend have many loans or large EMI to be paid for

    Then finding out if the husband owns properties or investments that are making the in-laws concerned about the potential loss if this marriage also breaks up.

    Once major financial issues are ruled out, then it would be a case of misunderstanding, inappropriate reaction to minor issues based on previous bad experiences and issues with attitude or egos on either of the couples or the in-laws.
    Please ask your friend to be upfront and clear about what all has happened physically including the expected events of family life and the issues that she could have caused without her knowledge.

    Then please set up a meeting with key common or mutual friends and the couple first, find out what exactly the issues are, once you all can iron out the simple differences, then get to the root cause or fear that is preventing the husband and his parents from registering the marriage. Once this is done, then the parents also can be involved. Anyone on either side can be cruel and be acting it out from ulterior motives, but first, give them a chance to clear the air, then if needed both can have counselling sessions and give the marriage certainly a few months to see if it can work. If the concern for not registering the marriage is fear of a payout from the husband's side, then you would need further discussions and have a timeout and re-start the discussion later on.
    In the meanwhile try to retain simple evidence that can help in supporting that the marriage actually took place. Pictures, even from mobiles, marriage wishes, SMS or emails sent to your friend, wedding invite, dated venue and food bills. If it's in a temple or a place of worship, most of them at least have an entry book wherein the marriage would be written down if they have paid any charges for the wedding poojas.

  • #146318
    In such situations the only thing which can bring the situation back to normalcy is cordial and patient communication between the two parties to resolve the differences. We should not keep the misunderstandings and doubts in between as they will only spoil the relations further.
    The important point in this case is co existence of your friend with her in laws. Is she ready to live with them or she wants her husband to abandon them and live separately. If she insists and the husband does not agree for this proposition then their can not be any solution.
    Living together requires a lot of patience, understanding, sacrifice, mutual respect etc. Does your friend have these attributes or she is simply expecting these characteristics from her husband and in laws.
    Life is not what we want it to be. If it is good it is only the outcome of peaceful co existence.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #146362
    Prior to your engagement, you should have known your husband and his family fully but this important aspect was ignored. Considering your marriage that took place before so many respected public and relatives and even for that ceremony, invitation - cards were distributed to the near and dear ones and hence you need not worry on that account.
    The situation being faced by you seems to uncomfortable and hence you should make a fresh dialogue with your husband and seek his opinion how you two can lead a peaceful life under the strained family relationship. In case, you find the same concern in his mind and your husband is willing to change his stance, it would be a welcome step. After all, life means a lot of sacrifice to make the other partner happy and for happy relationship you should agree to his proposal. You can win heart of your husband by displaying your sincere love, compassion, patience and consistent sacrifices. These attributes never go in vain and definitely you will be enjoying a happy married lives by adhering to attributes as mentioned above.

  • #146366
    As per your query its their second marriage . Are her parents aware of this and as per query I hope there are no children for both in their first marriage and in their second marriage. Your friend should solve this situtation with very patiently and cautiously.
    1) She has to find out whether her husband married her for what purpose like whether for wealth, property etc. If not for that she has to first check the reason why her husband is always against her. Whether some body is preaching against her to him.
    2) She has to speak with the in laws frankly and directly that why they are behaving so with her, because most of the problems get solved only when we speak frankly with the opposite person.
    3) She has to even speak with her husband also in the same way because of his reverse behavior.
    4) Suppose by all this if she doesn't find to be comfort with him and continue with the relation then she can apply for divorce.
    5) She can keep this as a last option because before this its better that even her parents come and speak to her husband and with his parents.
    6) Filing a divorce should also be in a legal format. Suppose if her in laws are harassing her then its better she files a case against them before the things become more worse.

  • #146377
    Your friend should have been 'Once bitten, twice alert'. That did not happen ,and she is now getting the consequences.
    However we know only one side, that narrated by you as said by your friend. There can be a different version coming from the other side also. Moreover we do not know the reason's for the breaking of her(his also) earlier marriage.
    Viewing from your friend's side I can suggest that things will grow worse only. It is better to cal quits. It appears there can be some point or vulnerability in your friend's side which the other side knows and want to exploit to their favour. S continuation will only lead to perpetual suffering.
    When "husband and in laws are against registering the marriage", on what strength and guarantee did she marry him? It appears an invited disaster. It is a situation of 'marrying in haste and repenting in leisure'. The earlier she quits, the better.

  • #146381
    My comments:-
    (a) Your friend has taken one after another wrong steps. She should have gone for registration of marriage despite opposition from in-laws.
    (b) If the in-laws don't communicate with her, she should also stop communicating with them. Stopping communication won't do any physical harm to her.
    (c) She should start keeping record of atrocities committed against her and keep it in a secured place with the knowledge of others including her husband.
    (d) I don't know whether she is financially independent, or not. She must make every effort to be financially independent immediately (if she is not). If necessary, she should start giving private tuition to small kids in the beginning.
    (e) She should obtain the contact numbers/e-mail of a local NGO which works in this field (prevention of atrocity against woman). She can contact the NGO and intimate her problems at the initial stage.
    (f) She should try to convince her husband to visit a marriage counselor.
    (g) All said and done, this is an one-sided version. She must remember that the Court of Law will listen to both sides before giving verdict, in case of divorce case in future.

    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #146413
    I am not able to understand the reason for torturing your friend and if they do not like her, why they agreed for this marriage? Was it some sort of dowry or is she having some property on her name?
    My frank advice is to have an open discussion with both side families. Apart from this, at least she should register this marriage to be on a safer side. Before getting married with this person, you friend and her family should have inquired about the reasons for his divorce and his family back ground.
    And if anything does not work, it is better to get separated and become free from this relation because both of them are once married earlier and are mature enough to understand the relation and still if they are not happy if this, better to set them free from this relation.

    Padmini

    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!


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