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  • Category: Marriage

    Can I marry my cousin


    Have a query about love marriage? Wondering if there is any problem if you marry your cousin> Check out this page for guidance from experts to all your queries.

    I am from kerala, a 23 year old boy. I am in love with my cousin(My father's->mother's->sister's->son's->daughter). She is also 23 year old.
    I need to know which type of relation is this and can I marry her? We are in deep love. We have no other choice. We can't think about a separation. Can you advice?
  • #146391
    You can marry her. The relation is not very close. But if you work out the actual relations she may be a sister relation to you. But that is not very near and relations three generation back relation. So my opinion is you can marry her. But you are from Kerala, so you can better check with your elders there and you can marry her.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #146400
    In Kerala, normally this relation is not allowed for getting married. She is your uncle's daughter, that is you are marrying your sister if it as per the traditions and beliefs. In Kerala, you can marry your cousin (in Hindu religion) if she is your father's sister's daughter or your mother's brother's daughter. All other cousins are considered to be your brothers and sisters.

    The reason why families do not allow you to marry such cousins is that the blood group may be same and since you are from the same family or rather as blood relation exists, there will be chances of health issues for the child. Heart disease is seen in such kids. But it is normally seen in the case of first cousins. She is not your first cousin and as you both are deeply in love with each other and can't separate, why thinking about all these an causing unnecessary worries? To be on the safer side, you can have a medical check-up done before fixing things. I think it shouldn't be an issue even though legally she is your sister, she is not your first cousin.

    Regards
    Chitra
    "Do not give up, things might not favour you always"

  • #146408
    Practically, you both are cousins from the father's side in a family tree path that indicates that it would mean brother and sister. This needs a detailed discussion with your family elders or elders of your close family friends. In many tamil families, this would be frowned upon and the families often suffer with social issues within the close family circle, especially if both of you have younger siblings yet to be married.

    Many south Indian men marry father's sister's daughter or their own elder sister's daughter and mother's brother's daughter. In medical terms, these marriages within the family circle weaken the gene pool and increase the chances of passing on genetically based diseases to the children.

    What you both are planning is referred to as 'Consanguinous marriage'. Marriage between first or second cousins have increased risk of heart and lung problems and birth defects. Certain disease and abnormal genes can be genetically inherited by the cousins from the common ancestor gene pool and passed on to their own children.
    There is also an increased risk of pregnancy related issues in unsuccessful pregnancies.

    Without meaning to be discouraging,the modern day approach would be to have a Genetic pre-martial counselling, where in the doctors will take a detailed history with special attention to genetically transmitted diseases. They may perform certain tests to check for blood disorders. For instance sickle cell anemia (type of low hemoglobin) is common around Wayanad and certain areas in Kerala. After this they would offer you specific advise regarding what are the chances of the children getting certain diseases. I think as adults, you both are legally free and responsible for your marriage but any parent would love to see that their children are healthy and well, they will do anything to safeguard them.

    Please have a discussion with elders whom you are comfortable with and then decide. If you want to go ahead, then at least contact the nearest teaching medical college hospital or a corporate mother and child hospital you can guide you. Once you have this, then you can take a sensible decision. If you do go ahead with the marriage, then you need to go for Pre-conception genetic counselling where in the team would provide extra care and advise for the health of the baby and mother.

  • #146412
    The relation you mentioned is quite far, so the scientific reasons for not marrying a cousin is not applicable in this case. We should not marry a close cousins or even some one in close relation because it may create genetic problems due to expression of recessive genes in next generation.
    But in your case, the girl you want to marry is from your grandmother's sister's grand daughter. So there is no risk in having healthy baby in future due to this reason.
    The other point is to convince family. If you are staying together (having joint family), then it may be a problem. You should try to have a healthy discussion with your family and even consult a geneticist to convince your family.
    Both of you are 23 years old, so have you completed your studies and ready to settle now financially? Age of 23 years is not considered as very mature in taking such decisions, So it will be better to have a discussion with you parents as there may be one or another reasons if they are not allowing you for this marriage.

    Padmini

    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • #146426
    If both of you are interested for such a marriage - my answer is yes. But there are other angles as well and theses points should be taken into consideration - firstly take the consent of your parents and close relatives such as sisters, uncles from both the sides, aunts, sisters and brothers. Such consideration is important since both of you would need mental - support of the close relatives and if being put to constant torture by your own circle would ultimately ruin the peace of your family and particularly this will affect both of you on mental angle.
    The point mentioned above was purely from the psychological angle and have discussed the consequences of such associatins but the other side of such union is aggravation of some diseases such as diabetes, TB, gout, Asthama etc. apart from other blood disorder problem. There would not be any remedy for those diseases, once your kids are affected. This will amount to colossal loss of money by the way of treatment apart from normal expenses for their survival.
    I hope you would consider all practical problems which might come in case, you undertake such marriage.

  • #146428
    From the relationship which you have mentioned, there is no legal bar in such marriage. She is a very distant cousin of yours. Most probably, there is no social problem also in this marriage. However, from genetical point of view, you may consult a physician before the marriage, although I feel that the probability of disabled offspring from such marriage is very less, i.e., less than 0.01.
    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #146440
    personally, I am deep rooted in my religion, In Islam, You can marry any girl who is not your sibling, I mean she was not born to the same mother.
    All we know that the first man on the earth is Adam and the woman is his wife after that there children. they used to marry their children who born in the first pregnancy to the children in the next and then how it continued.
    Actually the children of first pregnancy are siblings and the children from the next pregnancy are siblings.
    From this the scholars says that,
    1. The person can marry to any girl if she was not his sibling or from the same mother.
    2. He does not have right to marry the girl who was fed milk by the same mother because she is also his sister.
    There are many more thesis on this matter.
    Whatever it is, You can marry her and their is no problem at all except that you have to make convince to your parents and their parents.

    "Be cool and Stay focused".
    Shaik sohail.

  • #146484
    It is too late now to look back on these relationships , as you were aware of it from start. If such practice is not expressly a strong taboo in your community, then you can marry her. The question of 'Sagotra' does not come in your case, if you follow the patriarchal system.


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