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  • Category: Family & Life

    Fighting because of misunderstanding


    Suffering from a family problem? Searching for marital advice here? No worries, resolve your suffering by going through the advice provided on this page.

    My marriage life now in the 5th yr but till now we always quarrel. My wife don't want to take any thing seriously. She always tells me lies which is the main reason for fighting. She is not serious about me and my family and my son.
    What can I do?
  • #146908
    I feel your wife is still not having understood the life properly. That is the reason she is not taking anything seriously. How you have come to an understanding that she is not caring for you. your family and your son. Is she an employee or homemaker. How she spends her time in the house. My suggestion is better you have a one to one discussion. try to understand her point of view. She may be having some problems which she is not able to tell you openly. So be patient and hear her points. Then where the difference lies, try to understand. If anything she wants you to change thinks about that and try to change so that her level of confidence in you will increase. If you adopt the approach of taking her ideas in common issues and try to implement these ideas which are agreed upon will make her come near you. Still, you feel that no problem from your side and only she has to change, I suggest you both go to a counsellor who will deal with the subject very aptly and try to improve the relationship between both of you.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #146911
    I think most of your troubles should be improving. many couples fight or marriages are difficult in the first 3-5 years. You both have a son and we don't know the jobs of both of you.
    The first step to any happy marriage is understanding each other. Have a discussion with your wife, involve close friends if needed and then family members on both sides. I think there would be misunderstandings on both sides.
    Both of you list out (write out) the issues that seem to make the marriage difficult, be frank and honest in this aspect.
    Try to analyse about her ambitions, desires or expectations from married life, from you and from our family.
    Analyse if there is any unresolved emotional issues on both sides.
    Do not confornt her directly that she's a lair,try to find out why and the motives behind it.
    If you find some answers like, she wants to be employed, change a job, then help her in this endeavor. If she feels that she has to be independent, then give her that within the degrees of commonsense. If she feels that she should have a separate home than staying with your parents.The have a chat with your family and try and see if this would be possible.
    Focus on your son and try to spend more time with your son and wife by travelling, visiting places and improve the family bonding.
    Both of you can seek the advise of a counselor to guide you through this difficult time. You will find that things get better. Then continue with your efforts to keep your married life pleasant.
    If both of you believe in the Almighty, then spending time at places of faith will certainly help you.

  • #146912
    We have to answer this question just based on your version. It will be mostly your perception.
    The first and best way to resolve your issue is for both of you to sit together and discuss each other's grievances, You may discuss what were your expectations when you got married, how far they are satisfied, what are the gaps and failures. How can you improve them and make your future life mutually satisfying and happy.

    Two persons coming from different background and experience can have difference of opinion. It is there in every sphere of life where more than one person is involved. So you should find some strong cementing force that can bind you even when you have difference of opinion.
    It is a small spark that spread as a devastating fire. This is true in personal relationships also.

    Just try to go on a tour with your wife and son only, and spend a few days only in the exclusive company of your wife and son. May be she will behave in a different way. What I imagine is that your wife is not given the responsibility of a wife and mother. Or she would have come from a family where she was pampered a lot. She may be longing for living separately from your family.
    All such hidden thoughts and expectations can come out when you get some exclusive time where you can discuss free and frank.
    Both of you have to climb down from your adamant stand and be flexible and accommodating for the sake of your child at least.
    I hope something positive and welcome will result from that.
    Best Wishes.

  • #146914
    Before you take a harsh step including separation by means of divorce, you need to understand her view or her opinion prompting her to behave in such an estranged way. True that she talks a number of lies but it may mean that she wants to maintain a clean image by refusing the lies with which she is mostly engaged in. You have to be specific in your talk and instead of making vague staments exposing her bad manners, you should take a few instances where she made some irresponsible statements and apprise of your action you could have initiated in the same circumstances. May be she would open her genuine feelings on your provocation and you could understand her ulterior motives. Make her understand that honesty between you two is more vital than any thing else.
    With such a bold step taken from your end, she may change her steps and ultimately she may relinquish her old ugly steps. All you need at this moment is to maintain decency in your behaviour by maintaining calm approach and such a step would produce a favourable impact on her mindset.
    If you fail to get a desired result within a month or two, it would be better to have a consultation with a counceller to address your problem. Lift her mood so as to lead a normal life and being a well - wisher, you would take up steps accordingly.

  • #146965
    Sometimes we feel that it is not always an easy task to solve the issues which we face in our home. But I could rather say it is easy to solve problems at least between husband and wife. From your statement I can understand that you are married for 5 years. Quarrels always exists between any married couple due to a lot of factors like difference of opinion, talking about each others parents , comparisons. But taking it to heart will not provide any solution, sometimes we need to keep few things inside head and process not in the so called mind.

    If 'lies' are the problem just make her understand that it will lead to chains of problems and let her know there are other ways to solve any problem. In most cases people tell lies out of unknown fear and slowly that will become a habit. Explain her that this practice of telling lies will also affect your kids behavior that way you got a chance to change her. And you try to be calm even though if you know what ever she speaks is a lie and react in a different way than usual (May be with a smile and say some lovable words to deviate the moment).

    Try all other ways people suggested her. Other than that there is a powerful technique which can be practiced to fix any relationships.

    1. Do some positive affirmation all day when ever you find time.
    2. All your thoughts, reactions and opinions about your wife will affect your relationship in a big way even if you are far away from your wife. So always stay positive.
    3. For positive affirmations and prayers read books written by "Dr.Joseph Murphy".

  • #147172
    Yes. what you have said is quite right because of misunderstanding you were fighting. If we know the reason for the problem one can easily resolve the problem. You know the reason for your quarrel is lie.

    But do you know the reason for her lie especially after 5 years?
    If she is comfortable to share and say anything to you or she is afraid about anything?
    Apart from saying lie how she is care you and your son?
    If she is happy or not?

    Analyse yourself from her side also. Marriage is a bonding of two hearts. You have a son too. Think twice about your decision. Think about your son and you both have responsibility. Talk to your wife openly from the bottom of your heart.

    Tell your expectations, and ask her too. Fulfill her wishes and make her happy. Most importantly spent a valid time to her and your son. Since nowadays there is no joined family so she cannot exchange or share anything to the family and the only option is husband. Understanding each other is good option in the family to lead better.

    And you must say her very kindly, you are the ROLE MODEL of your son and saying lie is not good habit. You make her comfortable but anything is not working. If you have good rapport to her parents, you may tell to HER parents in a kind way to tell her good advise or else better meet a good counsellor.


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