You must Sign In to post a response.
  • Category: Indian Law

    Is it a good idea to give divorce to a pregnant wife?


    Totally in a dilemma - whether to go for a divorce or to live with her who is pregnant now? Sure, our Experts will give you proper counselling here and just follow their advice!

    I think its not working properly. Its been more than 1 and half year of my marriage. But my wife is behaving improperly and does not respect me at all. She always forces me to get a government/PSU job but I am earning well (Rs.35000/- Per Month), still she disturb my mind and life and she does not want to understand. Sometimes she abuses me and in return even I abuse her (which I do not want to). She always involve me into her fight and quarrel with me, often. The only thing I have not done is that I did not beat her because its against the law. I love my wife, but she does not understand and right now she is pregnant and fight with me over and over on the same matter. Is the government job so important? She is a teacher in school and I am a Lecturer in College.
  • #147268
    As I read your query I find that both of you are well educated. I will clear your first confusion I,e divorcing your wife is not a fair thought because the misunderstandings have started between you both the child is not known about it and it's very innocent. Sometimes women's get upset at the time of pregnancy since your problem is before that you can talk to her calmly that she was aware of your job before marriage and even your in good qualified post. Try to give her complete convincing reason's that you will take care of her and the children. You will be able to satisfy all the basic needs of her which are within your limits. Even make her understand that how a lecturer post is so dignified. She must understand because as she is also a teaching profession. Above all this try to know why she wants you to go for a government job. Actually, a government job is not so important the only advantage is that you will be getting a pension until the last breath of your life other than that all the benefits are same as private institutions.
    At last, I wish to say that try to convince her with your job and she is more secure with you. Above all this, if she is unable to understand the situation then it's better you have a family discussion with your elders at home. But before your divorce your wife it's better you have a discussion with your wife first and family elder's suggestion and then proceed if everybody is willing. I wish you all the best in your future.

  • #147269
    Marriage is a relation of mutual respect, cooperation, faith and sacrifice. These are the elements required for a long, sustained and successful married life.

    From your narration it is clear that your relations are deteriorated and there is lot of misunderstanding between you.

    Anyway there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and if you tackle this in a diligent and patient way we can hope that situation may improve. What I will suggest is you two sit down and try to talk the issues with an intention of compromise. Until unless there is a desire to sort out the differences you will not be successful in this endeavor. Mutual respect and sacrifice is the key to resolution.

    I do not want to preach but one thing is sure if you sustain a cordial and affectionate behavior to your wife then she will definitely reciprocate and there will be a great chance that things will come to normalcy. Another important aspect at present is the condition of your wife as she is pregnant and while going through that phase a woman needs lot of care and concern so you can not desert her at this phase.

    Even after your efforts if condition does not improve then once the pregnancy phase is over you can consider the other extreme options like divorce. Please remember that the outcome of divorce is not always pleasant.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #147270
    You have answered your questions partly yourself. You love your wife and by heart don't want to hurt her by words or otherwise. This is a good starting point in any marriage mediation or discussion.

    Both of you are teachers and she is pregnant.Please put aside the thoughts of divorce. Try and see what's going wrong. Many married couples have disagreements and major fights in the first 2-3 years of their married life. It is often related to finance, job or relationships. Yours is related to a job and you are not alone, there would be many such people on both sides.

    Forget the issue for a couple of weeks, she is pregnant, both of you take time to go to a temple or a place of faith, for a movie, for a dinner outside. Go along with her for her medical checkups and pregnant classes. Pick her up and drop her. Try to think, discuss about good things in life.

    Then, be frank and write down the list of issues from both sides and instead of just hearing your wife, try to listen without thinking about her viewpoints. Marriage is all about give and take and both husband and wife are equally important with respect to their dreams, ambitions etc.

    She wants you to try for a government job. She would be correct because, the family is getting bigger, there is a new addition on the way, expenses would be higher. These days many people look desperately to get a government job as the career is steady, earning, pensions and a sense of security is good. This may be the reason she is insisting on it.

    Give it a thought and a tell your wife that, yes let's try it. look at your qualifications, can do complete an additional degree by distance mode and apply for a government job and try your luck.

    Give it a few months time, then once your child is born, your issues would get better. It is unfair and most unfortunate for a child to come into this world without both father and mother to take care him or her. If needed both of you can seek family counselling help to tide over this difficult time. If nothing works, then you can consider your option to separate.

    good luck.

  • #147271
    I have read the question. Now I would like to express my views very frankly.

    (a) If your wife asks you to attempt competitive examination and get Government job, what is your objection? Why don't you attempt? Is it because you don't want to have a rigorous study for such competitive examinations? I simply don't find any mistake of your wife. She wants you to have a secured job, that's all. May be she doesn't think your salary is adequate or would be sufficient after she gives birth of your child. Don't put the blame on her.

    (b) Why do you even think of beating her? Is it appropriate? Can you beat your partner? Do you know what would be the legal repurcussion?

    (c) At the time of pregnancy, ladies become very worried regarding safe child-birth and the overall future of the family/the child. So, it is possible to have a change in her behaviour. Try to understand her present mental condition sympathetically.

    (d) I would advise you to visit a marriage counselor immediately. I think you need counselling immediately.,

    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #147275
    At the outset, I want to tell you that please erase the idea of divorcing your wife at this stage. She is pregnant and going to deliver your baby. Once the baby comes the thoughts will definitely change. So don't think of that.
    Your wife is asking you to get a government job. Generally, it is a human tendency to have a fair and stable life. Once you are in a government job your job is secured. Probably in this backdrop only she is insisting you to get a government job. What I feel is take her suggestion and start trying for a government job. There are many government colleges and junior colleges which you can try. So tell her that I have applied for these government posts, I will try my best to get. Then there will be a definite change in her approach. The advice given by her is good. Probably you are not listening to her words that is why she is doing all other gimmicks. If you start responding positively to her desire immediately there will be a change. Even after trying if you are not getting the post you can have a fair discussion with her and tell her the problems. Definitely, the ladies thought process will change with the arrival of new member in the family. Once your baby borns, she will also change and try to keep her in good humour till then. At this stage, a divorce will not hurt you and your wife only. It will give more panic to the newborn. Please keep that also in mind and tackle the issue.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #147278
    As you said in the starting line itself, it's not working properly. Your presentation/narration appears to be honest but divorce is not the solution. Believe it, the voyage of the marital relationship is totally based on mutual trust and understanding. I don't find any fault with your wife and you also admit that you have your love and affection towards her. Your comment that you wanted to beat her but the love towards her stopped it simply shows your male superiority and there lies the problem with you, which needs to be checked by you only. There are so many ways and means to resolve the issue and your thought itself puts you down before others as she is pregnant now and a lot of care needs to be taken at this moment. First, take care of her, keep monitoring her health condition both physically and mentally as it would have a cascading effect on the baby who is about to see the outside world. The more she is in good spirits, the more would be the baby child active. I don't think you are not aware of all these things.

    Perhaps, the people surrounding you would be influencing your thoughts and you are the best judge of the veracity of the suggestion given by them. Keep all the things happened so far aside, continue and share your love with your spouse and lend a helping hand to her. Time would consume many things and this small episode in your life is not an exception. Be a proud father and a noble husband!

    Regards,
    Jagdish

  • #147282
    This is a situation in which any extreme action will be detrimental to the marriage relationship. Once the relations have gone bitter it is very difficult to bring them back to normal as the individual ego comes in between.
    What I will suggest is to find out the root cause of this present situation. Is it because of parents or in laws? or is it due to financial aspirations? Once the root causes are known it becomes easier to address them. No one is perfect in this world and we have to accept each others limitation. We are humans and we should refrain from inhumanly treating others.
    At the time of pregnancy a woman is going through delicate and careful life and any stress in such times will be detrimental to her well being.
    Happiness is achieved by mutual give and take and cordial living. In fact the aim of raising a family is to have a contended family life. Quarreling and fighting will destroy the peace of mind and will create a big dent in life which can not be straightened in future. If your wife is asking you to change your job then you must explain her your limitations and do not tell her that you prefer this or that. Tell her honestly your aptitude and preferences which you can not compromise.
    The divorce appears an easy solution but if we can not adjust with the present situation what is the guarantee that our future will be pleasant.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #147286
    The key to the problem is already there. You have poured it from your heart. "I love my wife, but she does not understand..."
    Most of the problems between spouses may have a basic connection to this truthful words. Each spouse is not able to understand the depth and truth of other's love and affection. Both will be having love for each other. They just do not know how to manifest or express it in the way the other partner understands. Please take it that she also may be feeling exactly as you''I love him but..."

    Approach the problem from her side. Tell her why you took up this job-probably tat was the first one to come your way. Tell her the plus points of this job and remove her fears about this job. She maybe feeling that this job may not be secure or permanent. She may have her own reasons for believing so. Understand that and if it is genuine fear, try to remove that by assuring her that you would try for a government job, and will not leave this job until you get a better one. Assure her that you are capable of getting good earning and reaching higherlevelsand let her not worry on that.

    This is the time she needs your proximity and care more. Be near her and give her tender care.

    Tell her now to remove from her mind all bad thoughts about your job . Ask her to keep pleasant thoughts that now you both are going to be parents. Accompany her to the doctor or some entertaining places or even worship places if she agrees and wishes. Spend exclusive time with her. Share her future plans and dreams.At least listen to her.

    Remove and drive out the thought of divorce from your mind as a bad dream. You are not going to separate,but be together and enjoy your life as happy days are coming . Pray God . Visit doctor as per schedule. Follow the suggestions of experienced elders.(Never ever tell your wife, about the bad thoughts you had temporarily).
    Best Wishes.

  • #147298
    I must appreciate you for your honest comment that you love your wife deeply and definitely it is a healthy sign of relationship and such relationship would not encourage you to go ahead for the divorce. You seem to be sensitive, generous and eager to maintain cordial relationship.
    Now let me deal with the real issue bogging down your relationship. The conflicting issue is your continuance of your in a private college. Though you seem to be happy with your present assignment but she does seem to have any satisfaction with your present assignment simply because the jobs, according to her opinion are not secured and in future, you may face termination because of your job being temporary in nature. This amply proves that there is a real concern for you. It is altogether a different issue that she still has to learn the way of representation of the facts. However, you have to take lead in diffusing the issue. Have a cordial talk with her and apprise her of your willingness of switching over your job from private to government one. By taking her confidence in this direction, there will be restoration towards a healthy relationship between you two. In fact, her decision seems to be practical one and you must give a heed to her proposal.
    I think you would not let your beloved wife lead a turmoiled life by offering her divorce especially when she is on the way to motherhood.
    Think of the unborn child who is to step in this world shortly and that child has the every right to get natural love from both you and your wife and any deprivation of the same would impact the normal growth of your beloved child.

  • #147358
    Normally the entry of word 'divorce' into a family is because of misunderstanding between the couples. Even judges of family courts advises the couples to avoid divorce. Every husband or wife should think about unity rather than divorce. In this case, the divorce to a pregnant woman should definitely prevented. As normally pregnant women requires animity of her husband till her delivery. The woman if strongly about divorce too, according to me, should not be given for the health sake of her.


  • Sign In to post your comments