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  • Category: Marriage

    How to convince girl's parents for marriage


    Planning for a love marriage? Searching for how to convince the girl's parents? Here, on this Ask Expert page get all the advice and decide the plan ahead.

    I am going through a very tough situation. I am not able to decide what should I do so that I can make the girl's parents for our marriage.
    The problem is her parents are not agreeing even after everything is good and positive in our life. I tried to meet their all the expectations what ever they want in a boy for their daughter. We both belong to same religion and caste. We love each other. I have good job and earning enough to run a family very well. They don't have any point to deny our proposal but still they are telling that we won't marry our daughter to me. Situation is like I can't live without her. Can you suggest what should I do?
  • #147377
    I appreciate your frankness regarding your situation, it is unusual for a girl's parent to decline the offer especially if you are the same religion and caste, have a good job and earnings.

    1.Please think back and check whether there is an issue of a subcaste or heiarchy.Within the same caste there woul various sub-castes and some people are still reserved to give a girl at marriage to a boy from a lower sub caste.
    2.Please also check is there any animosity or bad blood between the families, usually if the families have had an unpleasant relationship in the past, then they are reluctant to agree for the marriage.
    3.Is there any instance of a love marriage(parents,siblings) or widow re-marriage. Such events although agreed by the world, some families still resent this.
    4.Many girl's parents beleive strongly in Astrology and some horscopes do not match ( bride and bridegroom), even if they match, there would issues with finanical loss, illness, death in the bride's famliy and chances being a childless couple. These would be some strong reasons for people to refuse a marriage offer.
    5. Also recollect if there is any issues with your character related to you that would have reached the girl's parents.
    6. Are there any siblings in the girl's family (elder sister or elder brother) who need to be married first. Is the girl you love working and contributing to their families income signficantly.

    Once you know some answers, then give it some time and first you both who are the would be couple sit down and frankly assess the options. Can you both agree that you have the commitment to stand by each other for life, take up responsibilities of the new family. If yes, then would either of you agree to stay apart for few months and give the family some time to change their mind. If they don't would you both be happy for a registered marriage. What are the views of your parents. There should not be an iota of doubts in both your minds and the bond of love between you too.

    After this meet up the family with a few common family friend or adults who have the mindset to negotiate an understanding rather than being short tempered people who would make things worse. The ask the girl's parents what is the real issues. Offer them that at least solemnize an engagement and if they want to postpone the wedding for a year or so, let them know that you both would be happy to wait. Give them some time and then meet up once more with a firm view expressed that you both would be going ahead with the wedding with their blessings. Patience and persistence helps in such situations rather than arrogance and hasty decisions that we often see in the movies and TV serials.
    Good luck

  • #147389
    In the description, you have given you never mentioned about the girl's opinion. Is she also loving you? Is she wants to marry you? Without that part how to advise you?
    I suggest you talk to the girl separately without any information to her parents. You take her willingness to marry you. You tell your mind to her that you are very much interested in marrying her. If she is ready to marry you it will become easy for you. You can inquire from her why her parents are not in favour of their marriage. You can support your case with her help and see that they are convinced. If still, they are not hearing, then she has to support you strongly and tell them that she will not marry anyone other than you. If she is really interested in marrying you she will act in your favour in the house. If she is not loving you better to look for another match as it is better to marry a person who likes you rather than marrying the girl whom you like. If she is neutral, they ask her the reason for rejection and if it is a point which can be compromised you should obey that and then the problems will get sorted out.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #147391
    There may be various reasons behind such behavious of the parents of the girl. May be they believe in horoscope matching, and they have found that your horoscopes don't match. May be they are reluctant because either you or the girl is 'manglik'. It may be possible that your family background is not acceptable to them. It may also be possible that your career/job is not satisfactory to them. It may be possible that you stay far away from your in-laws present residence and they don't want to send their daughter at such far-away place. There may be various other possibilities.

    I think you, along with your parents, meet the parents of the girl you have chosen to be your life-partner, and discuss frankly all the relevant issues. If they still don't agree to the proposal after the discussion, then as adults, you (both of you) take your own decision.

    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #147394
    This is the classical situation of love where the family or families do not approve it.

    If the girl really loves you she should come out from her closet and announce to her parents that she will not marry any person other than you. This is necessary if you want that this case reaches a logical conclusion.

    You have to somehow find out the deficiency in you due to which her parents are so adamant. Remember love is blind so you two are not thinking of pros and cons of this relationship. In extreme case you should be prepared to close this relationship and forget it like a bad episode.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #147408
    For your problem, I would suggest you first to be patient, because relations are so delicate that once if it is broken then we cannot repair it. It's like a glass. First, try to find why they are rejecting your proposal. Because in some religion they believe in horoscope matching. Try to find why they are not accepting your proposal. If your parents are willing then send them to meet her parents and talk about the proposal. Always love marriage will have some difficulties initially but later it will clear so be patient and check where the matter is going wrong.
    By all means, if they are not willing then it's better to wind up this relation.

  • #147410
    I think there are some hidden points which are not coming in fore at this stage. You need to maintain patience and with your sweet tone, you may make a query of their disapproval. Such frank talks may yield positive results. Some times there may be some minor pints proving to be a deadlock in the finalisation of the negotiation. These points may be such as Horoscope- matching, family- rapport and overhaul income of the family. Not necessarily, they believe in the issues as discussed earlier - they may have other issues as well and hence, you should make every attempt to read their minds exactly and a favourable response is to offered from your side or still better, let you fiancé take firm stand to know the real causes regarding the obstruction of the marriage and every attempt should be from her side to patch up the differences.
    You may turn up the table on your side with your sustained patience and perseverance. Hope you would not give up the efforts, you are making currently.

  • #147451

    You are really going through a tough time, I can make out but, before I really suggest you anything, I would like to know few things such as to how long you have been in relationship with the girl you want to marry. Is the girl also as determined as you seem to be.

    You must understand that having a good income and same caste and religion is not the only criteria for parent to give away their daughter to a person whom they know only for few more than or a year, I assume.
    Parents nurtures their child by love, care, emotion and everything they can give to their daughter and when the child is grown up to a marriageable age, they really want a person who can take care of her as they took their whole life.
    It will take them a lot of time to trust you if have not really met them or won their trust as son in law, because these relations take time to build. If you have met her parents then you will have to behave like their son and not son in law to really have faith in you that you will care for their daughter as they did.

    I am also assuming that the girl you are talking about is educated and can earn for herself so her parents are not bothered about a person who can earn but want a person who will care for her and be a partner that will care for her even when are gone.

    You must start meeting her parent as a son and win their trust and also assure them that you are the right person for their daughter. Do not assure them that you earn enough or have same caste and sundry as these things are now almost outdated. Now a person of same mentality and compatibility is more sought after than just a bride with good income.

    Give some more time ans have patience because if you really care for the girl then you must also care for her parents.
    Take the girl in confidence and ask her to allow you to meet her parent and talk to them more as a son and then aks for her hand with full confidence and respect.

    Life always tests your limits and nothing is gained without effort and here it is a matter for entire life, so you will have to be patient and also require your full effort.


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