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  • Category: Marriage

    Intercaste marriage opposition from relatives


    Interested in inter caste love marriage? Facing any issue with in-laws? Get advice and guidance from experts here to resolve your worries and convince your in-laws for a love marriage.

    To be frank maybe I need some quick opinions from you all because I am undergoing a tough situation for the past few months :
    ( Me and a girl are in love for 1 year. We both work in a MNC in the same department. We got to know each other and most of our tastes were the same and thats where we both fell in love by good understanding.
    I told my parents and everyone in my family agreed. And she also told her family. Her parents know me well and they agreed at first. Later her uncle and aunt came into picture when both our family met in a temple. Being from different castes her uncle and aunt opposed us. Later she was not okay and crying each weekend when she was at home.
    So her family decided to meet an astrologer and he has told something negative. Keeping this in mind the family still started opposing us.
    The next week me and my parents went to an astrologer and we got all positive results from him.
    The thing is her family didn't even consider my horoscope or details. But I considered all her details and we saw in the exact manner. Now since her uncle is opposing and telling that he wont stay in touch with her family and if we marry, her parents are worried and they are opposing too.
    Since her family is a joint family she doesn't want to break their family for her happiness.)
    To be frank I am in a delicate position :( I am trying to talk to her and convince by saying certain things. But she is asking me to come out of this just because her family is not agreeing. And they have seen some alliances continuously and asking her to marry them. I know that she will never accept by her heart and they are forcing her to do. If I ask her whether I shall talk to their family, she is telling that she and her family doesn't want to hurt me and keep on saying not to do that.
    But the problem is that she is not facing them boldly . I never want to lose her for any cause. And thats because we both know how close we are and fate is playing in our life.
    Can someone please tell me how we can proceed. I am planning to visit her home this coming Saturday to talk to their family members face to face and express all my sacrifices and both of our pain. Someone please help me.
  • #148474
    Your family is accepting your proposal and her parents are all also accepting but her uncle's family is not accepting. What I suggest is have a detailed discussion with your lover. Both of you are liking each other now. It should continue after marriage also. Both of you discuss all personal things without keeping any secret between both of you.
    As both of you are employed and both are majors, no one object your marriage. So both of you can marry without waiting for the consent of their family members. Both of you stay together. Her parents will accept once the marriage is over. For some time they may show some resistance but afterwards, they will definitely accept. Till such time the girl has to stay with and your parents and she may not be able to go to her parents. If she is accepting that, you go ahead and ask her to come with you and marry her.
    If she is not willing to come out you have to meet her parents and convince them and then you have to marry her.
    This all depends on how she reacts to come with you and marry you.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #148476
    If you are in true love with each other then you may have to sacrifice also. From your side, there are no conditions so you are in a comfortable zone. Unfortunately, the girl is in a problem situation as relatives and parents are in a dilemma and putting some kind of excuse in this relationship.

    So she has to do the bold action from her side. Is she ready to take such a risk of losing her family for future? If not, then you better forget this episode as there is no easy solution.

    If the girl is ready to sacrifice her family and join you then she should not repent it later otherwise your life will be again full of sorrows due to her plight.

    So you have to take a practical approach to the solution of the problem rather a sentimental one.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #148477
    Though initially, it is appearing a resistance period where there appears to be a stiff resistance in finalising the marriage - proposal due to constant opposition of the proposal from the uncle -side of the would be bride. Further the same sentiment is reinforced because of the negative - forecast of the astrologer.
    Now without being sentimental, we need to analyse the situation in real persepective and resolve the situation in a rational way so as to finalise the deal in an agile manner.
    Both of you are of the same liking and your ideas match perfectly indicating that you couple would sustain a firm relationship even after marriage. The best part of such companionship is that both of you seem to be financially sound because of your employment and so you could take a better decision in respect of bringing up your kids and there would a better coverage of their education and other essential parameters including their health. Both of you would be capable of creating a congenial atmosphere to support a right mental frame of the kids.
    So a series of positive dialogue would be better with your fiancé and apart from it, you should take every step to win the confidence of the parents of your fiancé so that the table is in your favour. Initially, the deal would not be smooth - sailing but with a little tact and courtesy both of you can lead your matrimonial life in a blissful way.

  • #148479
    The quite common situation which we see in present days. Unfortunately, the caste system is the major reason for such oppression for marriage between two adults. But the very good thing is that you both are employed in an MNC and I hope you are paid well which meets your monthly finances. On the contrary, people who aren't settled well in life (financially) rush to get married quick and fight with their parents. But this isn't your case and you both very much deserve each other. Some of the tips for you are:

    1. Take help
    Don't go alone or with your parents if you are willing to speak with her family members. Take someone who knows both of you and has supported you since the beginning. Be it a friend, cousin or any elder member, take them along when you plan to talk to her parents or family.

    2. Face the consequences
    Be ready to face whatever might be the outcome when you go to her house. They may yell at you, they may even relent to physical and verbal abuse. They may also insult you and your family. Maintain your nerve and see the big picture. You went to talk, not to fight. Let them shout or abuse you, your goal is to get married and be with her. Do not get carried away by their behavior.

    3. Explain
    Try to picture your future to them if you get married. Explain to them that you both are financially stable and can be on your own without support. Also, give some notable examples in history where inter-caste marriages are very successful while the marriage within the same caste is a tragic failure. Also, try to explain that the caste system is useful only to divide humans but neither it unifies nor glorifies humanity.

    4. Explain again
    Finally, explain how deeply you love her and how much you want her in your life. Make them confident enough that you can take good care of her both mentally and financially. If they trust that she will be happy with you, they might agree. Also, ask your girlfriend to be with you in this discussion and also as her to explain how happy she will be if she marries you.

    If any of these things don't work, it is better to marry without consent. As your parents aren't against this, you can take their help as well. But I would suggest you ask your girlfriend to be brave and bold. As a girl, you must understand a girl's situation at her home and she cannot be as bold as you. There will be a lot of things happening in her head. Either to choose you or her family, it is obviously very difficult. Do not pressurize her for non-consent marriage. Things will work if spoken with a cool attitude. Her parents may agree after some time if you marry without their consent. It has happened in most of such marriages. Make her understand this, she will understand.

    Thank You
    Dr. V. Shashikanth

  • #148480
    Both of you are adults. Both of you are working in the same organization. This means both of you are living in the same city. Your family is ready to accept her as a new member of the family. Her family is not ready because of caste difference and astrological prediction.

    I think your girl-friend is hesitating to take a decision. She, on the one hand, can't go against her own relatives, but on the other hand, wants to accept you as a partner. You speak clearly and firmly to her. Give her six months time to decide. When she would convey her decision, take necessary action accordingly.

    You can't force/ pressurize an unwilling partner to marry. This may not be good for both of you in future. Remember this before taking a decision on marriage.

    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #148481
    It's a very common situation in our country. Where people don't want to marry outside
    their cast. But I believe choice must be above cast. The choice should given more preference as it's a question of two lives who can't live without each other.
    Your girl is in a very difficult situation where she has to choose one either parents or love. But she wants both of them. You should meet her and politely talk to her. Make her family understand how much you both love each other. Take decisions properly. Your wrong decision can make situation worst.

  • #148482
    From my experience I know to succeed in a love come arranged marriage both of them should be very strong in your interest of getting married to each other. It is quite common visiting an astrologer and problems because of relatives. She should be strong enough to confront the brutal situation. Time will solve all the problems.

    As you both working in an MNC and of marriage age and considering the fact that you both are in a relationship for past one year it is easy to get diverted by the better proposals you will get. Don't take me wrong, this happened in many of my friends life, they broke their relationships for the better alliance they got. Other than better alliance, importantly they don't want to face the risk of losing their close relatives and fear of lack of support from their community or society.

    Give some time to both of your parents to reconsider and think what they want to do with their daughter or son's life. Nobody can forcefully married to someone in these days. Things changed a lot, she is an independent working women. Motivate her to be strong.

    I faced similar situation as yours. We were waiting for our parents to agree for two years. Try to push her parents to get her married to you by their close friends or relatives. Identify who will support your marriage and explain them the situation and ask them to follow up on this continuously. Try persistently by talking to their parents. If nothing works, don't lose your tempo give some cool off period and start again. This is the only way to get succeded. Once you get married, after certain days or months things will automatically settle. After all you both need to be very STRONG, especially your girl.

  • #148488
    This is a very common situation today were caste system and emotional dramas become a barrier.
    1. First, talk to the girl and convince her. Meet her up first before meeting her family. Assure her that you will always be there for her no matter what. Let her understand that such problems are common as two castes are involved and that you both need to be strong and fight for each other.
    2. Once you convince your girl, meet her parents and her relatives. Make sure you do not go alone. Take your parents along with you. Talk to her elders and let them know how much you love her and promise the that you will take care of her like a princess.
    3. If still they are not convinced and think of negative aspects because of astrologer, tell them that both your families meet one astrologer together considering both the horoscopes.
    4. Try talking to her uncle and aunt who are against the relation and try to convince them. Let them know that the girls happiness is more important than the caste.

  • #148491
    By your query I am happy that both of you are giving values to your elder's feelings. Now coming to your query its common in love marriage, first every couple who love each other will have such problems. First I wish to say that for every problem there is a solution. After reading your query I find that the girl is willing and the answer is NO for the sake of the family.
    First you meet her parents and Uncle with your parents don't go alone. Before you start the discussion be cool and patience if there is any wrong attitude from them. Mention this even to your family before discussion. Then, ask her parents why they are not willing to get her married to you. Suppose if the reason is about the negative opinion given by the astrologer then give your views that what your astrologer ad mentioned. If the astrologer is willing then you can request him to accompany for the discussion to clear her parents doubt. Sometimes astrological matching can be cleared by them only.
    If it is the matter of astrology opinion they may change or still if they are not satisfied then you can request them to consult some other astrologer regarding this along with both of your horoscope.
    Suppose if they are not willing to have this relation for the sake of caste difference then try to convince them that you will never leave both the caste and will try to follow all the rituals as much as you can. You should assure them that you both will make a good understanding pair and lead a happy and successful life. As per my view most of the girl's parents will be bothered about their in-law's of daughter, for this situation even your parents should convince them that she will lead a happy life in your home with them. I think these are the only two reason's for them to reject your proposal. Once if the girl's parents are willing then the girl will also definitely will be on positive side. Above all this if they are not willing then I wish to say that its better you both continue as a true friends. I wish you good luck and god is there behind all good wishes.

  • #148497
    From your narration, it is apparent that you are in love but there are some serious hindrances from the girl family and some of their important relatives whose views they are not able to ignore. Now, this is a very difficult situation for the girl as she can not take a decision in such a condition.

    There are now some options which you can consider for mitigating this situation. The first is you have to talk to the girl boldly and ask her if she can leave her family for you. She should not take a decision based on sentiments only as we are all social animals and can not survive without the love and affection of our near and dears.

    If the girl does not bother for her family emotionally as well as financially then you can take a conscious decision to break ties with them and go ahead with your plans to marry. You must remember that after marriage the girl should be accepted in your family like a daughter and not like a daughter-in-law. You must be very clear on this issue otherwise soon the girl will insist living separately from your parents.

    Another option is to go to her parents and try to sort out all the differences between you and them by giving assurances and promises and accepting their conditions for the marriage. Remember they may put some difficult choices to you and you will have to think from your brain rather than emotional mind to resolve them.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #148500
    In this case I find everything positive and favourable except the uncle and aunty of the girl.
    Actually here the parents of the girl are in real dilemma.
    It is at this juncture that you and your family have to be solidly behind them that they will have the confidence. You should be able to convince them genuinely that in case their relatives become angry and avoid them, you will be acting as if you are their son and should take care of them. You should feel and do genuine and sincere.

    Later on, time will heal all wounds and all gaps will get filled.Time is a big healer.

    Boy& Girl, both side parents are all agreeing. Then do not bother about others. Go ahead with confidence and conviction. Everything will be alright in due course.
    Best Wishes.

  • #148541
    Such emotional blackmail by families or relatives is common in an inter-caste marriage.

    The good thing is that both families and you two have agreed to it. Have faith, patience and courage, these issues cannot be resolved overnight. First, both of you re-assess your commitments, the bond of love between you both should be strong at such testing times and there should not be any doubts.

    Have a detailed discussion with the girl and give the relationship some time. Don't be pushy, at such times you cannot enforce your wishes because, for the girl, it is not an easy decision to make (whom to choose).

    Check out who the family friends are on both sides, there would be some elders, whose words would have more say than yours. With such people try talking to the uncle and the girl's parents.

    Highlight how you both like each other, are committed and have plans for the future with the job, finance, and home planning.

    Get them to agree to postpone the matchmaking with other boys and agree for a time-out of a couple of months.
    During this time be persistent with the dialogue with the uncle and things would change.

    If things improve, then move on to the marriage. If there is a stalemate and once the girl agrees to marry you, go ahead with the wedding with her wishes and then the relatives would settle down as time goes by. During this process, the moment the girl is positive towards the marriage, don't waste time.

  • #148752
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    Hello all. Thanks a lot for your kind suggestions. And am extremely sorry for the late reply. I am still undergoing such a tough time.

    Now the problem is even if i call my girl for a small chat she refuses it and always says she has some work and might call me later. Its been since 1.5 months that we both met and spoke with each other in person. There is only formal replies in whatsapp texts.

    And the reason she gives me is, she said she is slowly coming out of this tough times because of her relatives and parents pressure. The pity thing is she is not allowing me to talk to her family . If she is present in this situation in her home and if we both try convince them with our positive stuffs like native, job and future plans theh mighy change their mind. But she is afraid that she might be forced to marry someone in the near months as her family are already looking into alliances so busily.

    Am helpless in this situation :'( And she started staying away from me because of her family.
    I was having a plan to talk to her parents regarding this. But after she conveyed the above things to me, am afraid whether she will support me or oppose me. I am not getting back the same love as i do from her nowadays :(

    Is there a real way to help me in this case?

    Please suggest me something


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