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  • Category: Lawyers

    Need advice on getting divorce from spouse


    Want to divorce your spouse? Find out the legal procedure to do so & what possible grounds may get this divorce through based on your situation.

    I got married in 2006 and till now my wife is not supporting me. I have two daughters. Their ages are 10 and 8. My wife is always telling that she is perfect and others are not. She says about me that I am having illegal relationships with those who are coming to my home. She also asked my father if he was born to a mother and father. She is connecting me with my sister's daughter who is like my daughter. She always speaks like this only. My father and my mother are aged persons. They are feeling very bad and they get stressed out with my wife's way of speaking. My mother in law is always supporting my wife only & is not saying anything that her daughter is speaking about. Her brother is also speaking like this.

    Hence, I would like to get a divorce from her. I need advice on how to go about it.
  • #149975
    You got married almost 12 years back and you have two children. These two children are very important to you. They will be underprivileged if you and your wife get separated. While taking a decision about divorce you should think seriously about your two children. They may not have the advantage of staying with their both the parents if you both get separated. Think this point very seriously.
    If you feel that from your side there is no mistake from your side try to have a discussion with your wife why she is suspecting you and what made her get such a feeling about you. Once the point is clear between you, you both can amend your ways so that both of you will go together.
    If she is not telling the reasons for her impression about, you should have a meeting with her family and your family with a common person who is close to your family and their family also. In that meeting, you can say that you are very inconvenient with her way of behaviour and you can also tell that you are ready to amend your ways if they feel something is wrong. You can give an indication that you are ready to divorce also if she is not amending her ways. You can add that the children will be at a loss if you both are getting separated.
    After putting in all these efforts also you feel that there is no change in her attitude you consult a good lawyer who is good in divorce cases and tell your problems and seem his advise and proceed accordingly.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #149988
    According to me,the word 'divorce' should be the last phrase between a couple. Quarrel between couple arises only out of suspicion, misunderstanding,not understanding,lack of adjustment, immaturity,non realizing of the purpose of married life etc., If we (here either husband or wife)make serious of matter we have to feel bad later.
    A person in my friend circle suspected his newly married wife by seeing her talking daily with some person in bus stop daily. He was not asking her also but developing his suspicion more and more and later both of them got separated. After some day of separation he happened to know that the person was her cousin brother who came to the city from near town on his work as he find no time to go to their house and during their marriage he was in abroad and could not came for their marriage.
    So, think more than many time before seeking divorce. The court of Law also give chances to both to think well as they normally entertain divorce immediately.

  • #149991
    Married since 2006 with two children, that too daughters and it seems that wife is not trusting you. First, take some time to analyse and see are there are any faults from your end. If you can say with a clear mind that there are no issues and no truth in what your wife is speaking about, then fine you can move on with the next.

    Thinking of divorce is one but managing two daughters in a broken marriage or a divorce setting is not that easy. There would be issues about child custody, support allowance, education needs etc.

    Make it a point to go out as a family together for movies, for short day breaks, to temples etc regularly. Then have a frank talk with your wife, do not threatened her with divorce, instead both of you list out what you would expect from each other and work towards it. Children at the common linchpin in a marriage, both of you agree to put the interests of your daughters as top most priority and leave behind the emotional baggage that both of you are carrying.

    Once you have had a frank chat, then both of you would need to go for counselling thearpy. Give this a try for 2-3 months and see the results. If this does not work, then try a mutal seperation for 2-3 months and see the practical side of life after divorce for both of you and the children.

    Mending a broken marriage is not easy but worth a try. Try getting help for books along with the counsellors. Try to get hold of books like (I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum).

    If at any point you strongly feel that you have had enough and your best efforts are not giving you results, then approach a good lawyer who specializes in divorce and start the proceedings.

  • #149992
    I admit you are in a very difficult and delicate situation. But, mind you, you are not alone in this situation. There may be many more like this in this world, because the situation is more or less common in many households. But most of them carry o and get out of it some how in due course. So with a firm will and sincere focus and slight adjustment in your life style and behaviour you also can overcome this bad situation and come out happily.
    What is needed is 'mending' of slightly ruptured relationship. If mended on time, there will not be any major break and damage.

    Just try to recall when the relationship between you and your wife started to sour. Then you can find the reason for that.

    Your wife may be a feeling that you are neglecting her. For that she finds a reason that you are having other relations. So the priority is that you spend time with your wife and children more. Convince her with your actions
    and truth that you are still loving her as before, and the reason for not spending more time with her is due to work occupation etc. For her sake take a holiday and go out with her and children. Both of you open up your minds and clear all the doubts and suspicions. She may be feeling burdened or bored at home. If she is overburdened with household work, try to help her or find some way to educe her burden by sharing some of them. If you need home appliances etc buy them and hep her.
    Your elder child is now ten years. Being a girl, she needs mother's care and proximity most from now. You may not be able to replace that. So you may feel that the child also is siding her mother. Ultimately that will drive you to a feeling that nobody likes you. Prevent that. Spend time with your children also helping them in their studies, taking them to places,caring about their food and health etc.,

    When you feel stressed you will think about divorce. Quit that thought. Divorce will not be as easy as you think, and even if it comes, it will come with a cost- financial, mental and social cost. So as far as possible try alternate and easier healthy solutions first. They will definitely work. Your case is not that worse. It is mostly due to lack of proper communication and interaction.

    Start the first step of reconciliation from your side. You do't have to lose anything. But only to gain your life back. Tell your wife that both of you can forget whatever happened and lead a happy life by adjusting more.

    Forget about your in-laws. Give them the respect they are deserving only. You take command of your life. If they try to meddle tell them to get out of your life.
    If your wife is not amenable to reason and do not change her behaviour, tell her with sternness that you will better split and divorce.

    But I do not think things will go that worse.

    Forget your ego. Reconcile for the sake of the children and your own peaceful life. Never affect the children about the bitterness between you and wife. Slowly change yourselves. Your wife will also automatically respond.
    Best Wishes.

    (Note: when some females come to your home, do not spend more time with them ignoring your wife. Let them spend more time with your wife. Let your wife only bring them to talk to you in her presence. That will remove the suspicion.)

  • #149993
    I know you are in a very difficult situation. In my opinion, you should use both your heart and mind. Value your relation with your spouse and daughters. Your decision to divorce your spouse will affect all of them, especially your daughters who are innocent at this time. Before thinking about the term divorce (which is the last step), you should try to improve your relationship with your spouse at first. Take out time, talk to your wife patiently and listen to her before telling something to her. Try to make her comprehend how important to value relationship what she has with you and your family members. Encourage her to understand the importance to have a good relationship with the entire family, especially daughters. Both of you can go for family counselling if there is no improvement in your relation. You can consult a lawyer to go ahead in divorcing her at the last stage.

  • #149995
    From your one side narration it is difficult to find out the exact cause of this sour relationship but these things are to be sorted out with introspection.

    It seems unlikely that your relatioship was bad from day one after the marriage. You must ponder and find out since when these allegations from your wife's side started to pour in.

    Marriage is a life time commitment of faith and mutual respect. It can not be condemned so easily. Please talk to your wife in a caring, respectful and compromising tone to sort out the issues and promise to her to come up to the expected behaviour.

    Please remember marriage is based on give and take relationship. It can not survive on one sided aspirations.

    If nothing works then only you should think of going for divorce. The legal procedure of divorce is generally more favourable to the wife for keeping custody of children as well getting suitable monthly maintenance from the husband and matters like that. You may find yourself be a loser after the divorce proceedings.

    Think prudently and go for negotiations first as divorce is only an extreme act.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #150005
    By having two children , you both proved to be made for each other and has gone the family way. And coming to misunderstanding from others , some women are very possessive and sensitive and they doubt the credentials very much. From the submission made by you, it seems you have failed to convince her and she can get convinced if you can behave well without giving room for her doubts. And parting and seeking divorce is easy, but after math will be difficult as you have two children and their future is important than both of you. So be in reality and sooth your parents also the need and importance of wife and give her the respect and convince her to live cordially.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #150008
    I will suggest you try to sort out the problem by negotiation. Divorce is the final stage and not advisable in your case as you have two daughters and divorce will certainly affect them adversely. Negotiate with your wife, mother in law, brother in law, father in law, sister in law and try to find a solution to this problem.
    Honesty is the best policy.


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