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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is it wrong to address our members as 'Dear'?

    Dear Members,
    Is it wrong if we address our ISC family members with the word 'Dear', especially if a gentleman member addresses a lady member? Will there be any objection from the lady ISCian? Is it acceptable to ISC? Will ISC support or object the usage of word 'Dear'? What is the harm if a lady is addressed as 'Dear......' in a virtual world. If it is objectionable, should we consider ISC as a family?

    Please give a serious thought to the use of the word 'Dear', especially the good lady members of ISC.
  • #568450

    Only a couple of weeks ago, there was a huge controversy when the Education Minister of Bihar addressed Union Education Minister (Mrs. Smriti Irani) as 'Dear'. I feel that although 'Dear' can be used as per English custom, it is not compatible with Indian tradition (to address a person of opposite sex).

    Having said this, I would also like to state that personally I have no objection if anybody (male or female) addresses me as 'Dear'!

    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.” - Paul Terry

  • #568458
    When the things work normal even without suffixing or affixing any salutation, then what is the need to address any member as dear or otherwise. ISC is a professional website, instead of being a family in the conventional sense. Moreover how many of us address our family members as 'dear' in day to day conversation as a routine. There may be certain exceptional families where in all routine conversation the word 'dear' is used.
    Otherwise also, in cyber word the meanings of the words are changing. Nowadays a father is connected to his son as a friend on the Facebook.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #568464
    Using the salutation 'dear' as a prefix to address a person who is not known to you 'personally' is not considered to be proper and more so if the person is of the opposite gender. Using 'my dear' is considered to be more offensive. We do use 'dear' in official/private communications (that too when we are addressing by designation only and not by name) but not when we are addressing a person otherwise. I don't think we even address all the members of our family, I mean extended family, prefixing dear. It is always better to avoid using unnecessary salutations when you are in a public platform. The usage must be well thought of and restricted. One must understand the difference between a one to one communication and that of while sharing a common platform. Etiquette is something that we need to take care of and must understand that use of unwanted salutations does not, in any manner, change the intention of our words.

    So, I think addressing a member in ISC by prefixing 'dear' will not at all be proper other than, may be, when you are sending a private mail.

    Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad - Miles Kington.

  • #568486
    Dear Saji Ganesh,
    Mostly the word' Dear' or 'My dear' is used in written communication only. In a family, while conversing we may not use the word dear very often, but while writing a chit or letter, we certainly use the word dear( Dear father, dear mother, dear sister, dear brother, dear son, dear daughter or dear..........) What we do at ISC also a written communication only. There is nothing to feel or get offended with the word 'DEAR'. Everyone should be dearer to each other. That's what the harmonious living in a society, here at ISC.

    Therefore, I feel that the salutation 'Dear' should not be misunderstood. When I love all the lady members of ISC as my sisters and friends, and also the male members, I feel happy to address them as 'Dear'

    No life without Sun ¤

  • #568492
    Mr Sun, please try to understand what I said instead of harping on the point you want to stress. It is quite ridiculous to say that there is nothing wrong in addressing someone as dear; for your information, it is not your preference or choice that matters when you are interacting with others. You have to follow certain basic courtesies and principles which are applicable when you are on a public platform and is 'not on a one to one conversation or communication'.

    I understand your reservation on the issue but would suggest you to avoid using dear as a prefix except when you are sending a personal message or mail. I do feel that it would be particularly improper when you are in ISC though generally too the practice is considered improper and wrong.

    You asked whether it is wrong to address members as dear in ISC? I have given my opinion and am sure that the admin also must be having the same view. Now it is up to you to accept or not what I have said but for heaven's sake don't try to justify your stand by any means.

    A request- now, please do not raise a thread asking members to confirm whether they mind being addressed with dear as prefix.

    Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad - Miles Kington.

  • #568498
    #568492: I don't use 'Dear' in public platform. However, in respect of last Para of the response, I would only state that everybody should and must justify his/her stand or views. It is the discretion of the Administration to decide whether it accepts the justification, or not.
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.” - Paul Terry

  • #568499
    Once a member becomes part of this ISC family there should not be any preferential treatment or calling with near or dear. One call by name or simply say author so and so. That will be taken with no hurt feelings.
    K Mohan
    I consider myself as the learner everyday

  • #568530
    Well friends, I too believe there is no harm in addressing someone with the prefix dear. I often do it, whether at home, with friends, at office and even at ISC. I wonder why we should be afraid of using such terms, when, all that they do is bring us closer! It is something we often use while addressing others in writing, immaterial of the fact that they may be complete strangers to us. Why only in writing, very often while conversing with others in English, with acquaintances as well as strangers, we use the term dear. But yes, in politics, as in the case of the 2 education ministers, one has to be very careful. You need to be politically correct there. A little false move and the opposition get holds of your neck. As Partha has rightly mentioned, from the Indian point of view, the word may seem to us as obscene or incompatible. But then, we have similar such point of views for various other aspects and terms. Am I wrong friends?
    Patience and perseverance pays

  • #568532
    I personally use the word dear a bit too often in my written communications. Whether it is to friends, family, or professional contacts - my statements almost always begin with "Hey dear". While friends and family are a different matter, so far I have not received any objection to the use of the word dear from any of my students or clients either.
    Coming to the use of the word dear in general, it can be used in multiple tones. While the usual tone in which it is used is polite, however it can also be very effectively used in a tone that is acerbic or sarcastic. The political case that is doing the rounds, is mostly based on the tone in which it(dear) has been used rather than its meaning. Just the salutation alone can't be written off as obscene or informal, the context of the message that follows it are important.
    Here at ISC, some may take offense to the salutation, especially if they are not used to being addressed in such a way. In such a situation it is better to act cautiously and avoid hurting the sentiments of others. If one is confident that the salutation will be received positively and in the way it is actually intended, then why curb oneself?


  • #568546
    Dhruv and Farheen, dear is never an obscene word and it is generally used to indicate proximity. But we need to address the issue whether it 's use is improper in certain situations. As I have mentioned earlier, we do address a person with the salutation dear if he/she is close to us or if our relation is of such a nature, like between close relations or subordinate colleagues, younger lot or students etc, but not otherwise even if we know each other. Using dear in a written communication like letters or messages is also okay and accepted. But I still maintain that using dear in a public platform is improper and unnecessary. Why should you address a person with the prefix dear when you are in a discussion or the like? Would it be correct to address your boss as dear when you are discussing an official matter with him? I don't think so. So, apart from the correctness or otherwise, I think it is propriety that we need to be aware of and that should be taken care of. As Farheen has said, a lot also depends on the situation and tone also. I think there is a difference between dear Ram, my dear Ram, Ram dear, Ram, my dear or just dear and my dear.
    Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad - Miles Kington.

  • #568554
    There is no question of obscenity here. The question is relating to intimacy. Are we close or intimate enough to address our virtual friends and acquaintances as 'Dear'? We have to ponder over this issue.
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.” - Paul Terry

  • #568556
    even I use the word Dear mostly, Because I do not find anything wrong to say Dear to Opposite sex.
    It gives me a feel that I am personally close to that person.
    Even at ISC, although I have not used Dear to any member yet, but if I found some almost same age of mine then I will not feel bad, but it is upon the opposite person who receiving the Greet.

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