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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Drawing the line for interference

    Joint family systems are very common in India.They have a lot of advantages like family support,financial security and good social life.They also have their share of disadvantages when members live together in limited space and hence have to share and adjust in everything. There are many instances among joint families where relatives and in laws living together offer advice and sometimes try to take control over issues of married couples related to their children's upbringing.To what extent should they be allowed to intervene and when and how should we mark the line for this interference ?Should couples listen to their in laws or carry on either own style of parenting.
  • #568600
    To make the apparently very complicated issue very simple, it all depends on the money power. Money is the power which determines the social equations and equilibrium in a joint family system. If the couple is totally dependent on the parents, then generally the parents will have the authority to dictate the terms except in few cases when the couple becomes rebels.
    Similarly, in case the parents are dependent on the couple, then the scenario will be otherwise.
    Sometimes the children emotionally blackmail their parents. In the old age, the children know that the parents will not be able to take the material possessions with themselves at the time of their demise and start exercising their control in the family wealth.
    Everything depends on the earning capacity. In case of a joint families in which brothers live with their children and the parents, then the earning capacities of the brothers will determine their status in the family. The wife of the poorer brother will have to play a bigger role in household work.
    Generally people never see the harsh realities of the life in such terms and try to camouflage it under cover of love, affection , sentiments and emotions.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #568631
    It takes guts and lots of courage to live in a joint family system and one must have give and take policy and adjust with the time and then move. In joint family one cannot look after their own family but also others. For example if you bring sweets to your family, it is necessary to bring for others too. Otherwise there shall be big interference from the elders. As far as young ones quarrels are concerned on petty matters its better that elders should not interfere and involve. If elders start dictate terms to other family ,then the old thing turns out to me messy. It is better to leave the place and then come back so that quarrel mood in every one subsidize and then pull on.
    K Mohan
    I consider myself as the learner everyday

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