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- Category: Miscellaneous
- #569403Given the whole lots of experience in my life so far, I made up my mind that no body becomes like a friend and the so called relatives are for just name sake and nothing more than that. What I really do not like the fact that , if we are developing with our own talent and good time, the relatives talk about wrongly in front of others as if they have investigated our moves and actions personally. Whereas our friends know us very well and they have been supporting us in the bad time and also in good time. When my daughter was in pre school, we have to leave her in the hands of close friend and thus I never bothered to seek help from so many relatives who do live amid our home. Believe it or not that friend has looked after my daughter more than me and my daughter was very cozy and adjustable to their home which gave us more confidence and satisfaction too.
I consider myself as the learner everyday
- #569408Relatives cannot be changed. One has to maintain relationships with them whether one likes them or not. The word 'relative' itself is related to 'relationships' only.
It is true that most of relatives are competitors. Generally they never like other relatives to prosper more than themselves. Many prefer to maintain only skeletal kind of relationships without any real depth.
Once any information is shared with a relative, it is bound to become viral in the social group within no time particularly in case the same happens to be of negative kind. On the contrary sharing such information with a friend has no such risk.
Generally the relatives are prone to find fault or look for loopholes in the their relatives life with a view to console themselves about their own shortcomings.
While talking about any marriage match making, their first question is likely to be - 'which caste' directly or indirectly..
Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.
- #569409Sushma, I have said the following quotes many times at ISC. Since you are new to ISC, I am repeating it here.
" Kondu vanthaal thanthai
Kondu vanthaalum varaavittalum thaai
Seer ketpaal sakothari
Kolaiyum seivaal pathini
Vuyir kaappaan Thozhan" (A tamil quote)
If you earn, your father will love and respect you.
Whether you earn or not , your mother will still love you.
Your sister will love only if you fulfill her needs.
A wife can even murder her husband.
Only a friend can save a friend while in need."
Hope you got the answer.
No life without Sun ¤
- #569411Both the relatives and friends are a priority for any person. The relatives are a part of the family. It is a wrong notion that all the relatives mock the other persons of the family. There will be communication between all the relatives and everyone gets to know what others are doing. There may be some relatives who are interested in mocking the others in the family. If there is a function at home, it is the relatives who come first and offer help.
Most of us have acquaintances only and not the real friends. A friend is one who accepts a person with all his virtues and short comings. Friends are always dependable in times of joy and sorrow also. With friends everyone is comfortable as they are all of the same age group. In the case of relatives, their age and relationship comes in the way of being comfortable with them.
" Be Good and Do Good "
- #569416Shouldn't we be spending time with the ones we care about and the ones who always have a place for us in their heart?
People say that blood is thicker than water; that friends are only for the name; that they wouldn't be there when you need help the most. But I believe it's based on whom we interact with the most. Earlier, most of the families were joint ones. Each kid had around 5-6 siblings and numerous more next, distant and very distant cousins. But the special feature of this system was that all the relatives, close or distant, always met together during any function. As you had many cousins out there in almost a wide age group, you would be regularly in touch with them for different functions. Moreover, there were only a few occasions you could celebrate with your friends, who aren't related to you. So you would end up spending a much larger time with your relatives than your friends. Also, mostly the so called friends would probably be neighbors and childhood classmates, who might even end up being your relative in a complex chain.
But there scenario has changed today. How many of us even visit the wedding of our third cousins? Leave that. How many of them call you for such functions?
We somehow manage to have exams, bosses never seem to give us leave especially on those days.
It's a sad truth that most of us even don't know the names of our distant cousins. But it's not totally our fault. We, nuclear families, don't have chances to meet up.
The only time your relatives call you is to show off the money they are spending on their daughters marriage or to enquire about your exam results or to ask you for money. Else we don't seem to exist. So we comparatively spend a huge time with friends than with relatives.
A true friend is much better than a large number of call-when-they-need-help relatives whereas a close relative is far helpful than 1000 Facebook friends. So, with regards to who needs more priority, I would say invest time and effort in those people who appreciate your efforts and care for you, whether friend or relative. Those are the people who will be there for you when you need them the most.
Let's see the world from different perspectives
- #569417The origin and management of relatives and friends vary drastically as far we individuals are concerned. It like inheritance and self acquired.
Relatives are mostly inherited- that is they are there from our birth. We do not have the freedom to choose them. For example we cannot choose our parents, siblings, cousin etc are there as happened or happening by itself without our conscious involvement. Then later in life we make certain relationships. Out of that the relationship made by way of marriage are again treated as extended family relations. There also our freedom to choose is limited just to the choice of selection and acceptance of the spouse. So in all these relationships or relatives, we are not the choosers. We simply abide by what is available to us.
However friends are those whom we choose consciously. There we match different common parameters, compatibilities and acceptability parameters. We accept some and discard some. We associate with some and disassociate with some of earlier associations. Thus we are the destinymakers in regard to friendship. As something made out of our own bid and selection, we hold full responsibility. The responsibility to maintain and manage friendship is with us. In friendship there is fair reciprocity also, which cannot be alwys expected of relatives as there are some hierarchical and protocol matters and differences.
Hence even though we have affection, respect and regard for relatives, we naturally spend more time with friends because there is right and equality involved there. Some relationships with cousins or relatives-in-law can be akin to friendship and we may maintainthem so . That is but exception.
Let us keep faith on ourselves and work sincerely, not leave everything to fate.
- #569494There is one quote I like very much: Friends are the family we choose ourselves. Very true! As said earlier in this thread, we get a relative due to relationship springing up through our inheritance. Relationships of friends can be, literally, created. A friend may not be a relative in terms of blood relations but a relative can be your friend.
In the case of creating a friend, you can start with a simple hello and end up with a life long friend, which was the case with me with my couple of college friends with whom I still maintain a beautiful relationship. When you work on the friendship, you can indeed have an abiding one.
In the case of relatives too, it is not necessary that you will have a shaky relationship. It can be an equally close one like you have with a friend, enjoying the good times, sharing the sad times and just being there for each other. I have such a relationship with one aunt & uncle who are very very close to me.
Here I would like to share another quote too, which my friend sent me once:
Good friends are like stars - you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
The above I should say applies equally for both close relatives and friends. So, in my case, I would give priority to both relatives and friends as per the requirement. It is not like as though I am rationing my love, affection & caring attitude between them!
Managing Editor, IndiaStudyChannel.com
- #569499There are two kinds of families:
1. the one you are born in
2. the one you choose
Friendship is weird. There is no blood or gene sharing after all.It's just two similar people meeting each other and deciding to do whatever they do the best.
It's truly weird when we value this one friend more than any of our blood relations. He becomes your everything.
It's ever weirder when you never get bored of him,like you get of your relatives.
I have only one word to describe Friendship- Weird .
- #569547Both relatives and friends are important to one in this world. If we see the priority among the two is questioned, my vote to relatives only. Relatives are coming by our birth and friends are created by us. A friend can be removed from our list but no relatives can be removed from our list, as we cannot approach them or meeting them on any occasion but the relationship never cut off. If we say an uncle, his relationship is started from the second of our down to this earth. My view is we should never set aside any relatives of us on any circumstances. If we do not like their nearness, we can avoid going them without any misunderstandings. Really there is a kural in Thirukkural,
'Udukkai Izanthavan kai pOla aankE
idukkan kalaivathaam natpu'
which means the friend will help us as our hand helps us automatically when our dress is getting loosened'. So, we should never leave our friends also.