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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What's the softer way of saying "Mind your own business"?

    All of us would have come across situations where we had to tolerate unsolicited advice from people around us. These people might be our neighbours, friends, in-laws or other relatives and at times even total strangers! They have no clue about what the real problem is or the complexities involved in it, but they just want to throw some stones at us with their wounding words.

    More than doing us any good, their intention seems to be to belittle u and that they are smarter than us. At this point of time we just feel to shout at them saying "Mind your own business!" but then we have our own standards! How to deal with such people? How to show them their place and at the same time not hurt them back and lower our standards?
  • #572011
    Perhaps you could simply say, "Thanks for your advice, but I don't really want to do as you say" or "Yes, that's all very well, but frankly I don't think I am interested in your feedback".
    Regards,
    Vandana
    Managing Editor, IndiaStudyChannel.com

  • #572012
    As a matter of fact, the best way to deal with such people is to totally ignore them. There may not be any gain in attempting to correct them. One may continue, as if he/she has heard nothing. I mean one should continue to mind his/her own business without retaliating.
    Retaliation is likely to further aggravate the situation by antagonizing such individuals. On getting hurt, they may attempt to resort to doing something negative and thus harm the individual concerned.
    First of all one has to differentiate between the people in sharing personal information with them. The process of receiving unsolicited advices begins only after broadcasting the problem. Certain types of information should better be restricted to the close knit group of parents, spouses and children.
    Many people have a habit of sharing their concerns and issues with all known people perhaps with an anticipation of hearing some soothing words, which is wrong notion. Individuals have to handle problems on their own.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #572014
    Interesting! A person who is hurting you with words and you do not want to hurt them back? Seriously, I do not understand this theory. What standards you want to show yourself? That you are a peace loving person? Soft hearted?

    Remember, as long as you avoid such people or take them softly, they will keep hurting you. And Yeah, even if you say strong words with softness, they are not going to change their habit. Just give them a big shot on their face if they cross their limit, this is the only way you can remove them from your way.

    "Any man who stands for progress has to criticize, disbelieve and challenge every item of the old faith." - Sardar Bhagat Singh

  • #572029
    First, try to do as our managing editor said. If they still trouble you, make them clear that you don't want to do it in the way they suggested to by shouting or yelling or doing whatever you can. There is nothing wrong in getting angry once. Note that the three emotions which complete a human are happiness, sadness, anger. But make sure you don't hurt them with your words etc,. We should try to be good even with bad people but there is a limit to everything. If needed, anger must be used.

    Let us continue learning.

  • #572051
    You can tell the offending people that the situation is personal and you do not want to discuss it with them. Tell them - I do not want to sound rude, but I am really not comfortable talking about the situation with you or with anyone I am not close to. I prefer to discuss things only with family or people I am close to. I do not like this intrusion into my private life. I hope you understand and respect my need for privacy. That should send out a loud and clear message and shut them up.

    You can also add that you do not like interfering in other's personal affairs and expect others not to do so either. Tell them you consider such interference impolite.

    If they continue to be nosy, steer the discussion to them and start asking them personal questions about their spouse, children, and home etcetera – stuff that is bound to embarrass them. They will learn to mind their own business.

    A fool will always try to make sense of his nonsense!

  • #572055
    Some times people take it offending when we rudely say that "mind your own business" instead we can say that "excuse me" I have some urgent work and thus make a move from that place to avoid that person.
    K Mohan
    I consider myself as the learner everyday

  • #572064
    Sorry, If you don't mind, let me mind my business.
    Sorry, It is my personal problem and will be dealt by me only.
    Sorry, Kindly avoid interfering in my affairs, please.
    Sorry, You are not required, please.
    Sorry, You may help others, not me.

    No life without Sun ¤

  • #572075
    This is one area I am no at all adept.
    I just do not know how to snub such people. Somehow I cannot be rough and right with others. Many times , I suffer silently. The maximum I can do is to diplomatically avoid them next time.
    I tried to practice what is written in books like 'Why say Yes when you want to say No', but miserably failed. Result- I get overburdened many times.

    ==================================
    Let us keep faith on ourselves and work sincerely, not leave everything to fate.

  • #572076
    Venkiteswaran Sir,I face the same situation as yours and behave in exactly the same way as you described above! If the person hurting me is a close relative or a blood relation,then I do not respond back immediately but it keeps going on iny head till I open up and confess that it hurt me.If the person involved is a stranger then I obviously respond back or give them an angry stare to convey my message of "mind your own business."
    Regards,
    ar
    "If things go wrong, don’t go with them"

  • #572092
    Kailash ji,
    I endorse your view that broadcasting one's problems does more damage than help, but that's not the scenario I'm discussing about. If someone discusses about their problems or goes about spreading it, I don't believe that we could categorize it under unsolicited advice because it was they who invited it. I'm soliciting views here regarding people who are nosy.

    Members,

    Thanks for all your wonderful suggestions. Most of us either lose our temper and add ghee to fire, or we get hurt so much that we go dumb-struck. In both these cases, we really cannot achieve what we want.

    By shouting at someone, we are not getting our point across but merely insulting them back and paving way for further aggravation of the problem. I don't believe that we can make someone realize their mistake by shouting back at them.

    On the other hand, if we choose to keep quiet and ignore them, in this case too there is going to be no end to their nosy behaviour and we might have to suffer silently.

    It is easier to show them their boundaries in the case of strangers or acquaintances, but the real challenge is when the nosy person belongs to your close circle because we need to maintain a cordial relationship with them. We need to get our point across to them strongly and at the same time keep a strict watch over our words. It requires a great deal of patience and control over our tone when we are confronted with such situations.

    Anger management is really a great art which I have seen only in a very few people. They beautifully manage to make their point clear to the other person in a strong, yet poised manner. It is something I'm still trying to get better at.


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