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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What seems care to parents, to children its interference in their personal space.

    Many times a point starts with the topic mentioned above creates tug of war between parents and children.
    No matter how liberal parents are at some point this issue causes arguments in the family. Even though both realise their mistakes after the argument is over but their are always such issues.
    Parents want to know everything about their child from their school performance to their collegues and friends and child thinks it as interference.
    Though the child knows that they are doing it becuase they are concerned still these arguments happens.These things are normal in every family.

    But in some cases tthe situations are not normal as mentioned below
    How do you see parents who try to become detective and want to get all the information about their children from all source possible.
    They even check the mobiles of their children time to time that too in the absence of their child.
    Same goes for the children who are over senstive and over react at every small thing and want complete independence.
    Both above condition of parents and children mentioned seem wrong.

    How do you see this situation?

    And at which end of this tug of war you are parents or child?
  • #573016
    There is a time tested golden rule which applies in such cases. In case one feels a need to hide something from their parents or spouse, then there are chances that there is something fishy about the subject matter.
    Parents or spouses or other close family members never breach the privacy of their own people.
    Legally , after attaining the age of 18 years, an individual no longer remains a child and is supposed to be mature enough to take care of oneself. But, practically many such young adults fall prey to the unsuspecting situations.
    Many young adults start smoking, drinking and such other adult behavior and therefore feel an urge to maintain their privacy in such matters.
    Such habits are patently harmful and require to be shunned in any case.
    Often the so called boyfriends cheat the gullible girls and vice versa rendering the other one totally devastated emotionally.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #573017
    Well taking care of child at every walks of his life is not the interference but just to assure that every thing goes on well. As a child there can be chances of cheating, belittling and so on. If a child becomes friend to mother, she would reveal all that is happening in her Life. Like wise the son must reveal everything to the father. Please remember no one comes to the help of the child at any given time. It is the parents who may chide or even scold but the care is 100 percent. So children should not take it personal and think that it is the interference of the parents in their every issue. If everything is revealed to parents they shall take necessary actions if warranted.
    K Mohan
    I consider myself as the learner everyday

  • #573027
    Everyone does mistakes. It is a fact that our parents too did some mistakes in their childhood. And, they faced the result of the bad things they did. So, they want their children to not do those mistakes. If a child is not doing any bad thing, what is there to hide?

    If a parent behaves like a detective even when the child is not hiding anything, the child gets a bad opinion on the parent which spoils the relationship between them significantly. It will be good if such a parent understands this.

    If a child wants independence, it means that:
    1) The child is doing something wrong. Think like this. Does a child want independence when eating food or drinking water? Then, why will a child need independence when doing any other thing?
    2) When parents are too stubborn on what their child should and shouldn't do, there is nothing wrong if a child wants some independence. Such parents are most likely the ones who wanted independence when they are children as a result of which they did some mistakes. And therefore, they try to stop their children from doing any mistake they did in any way possible, which is wrong as it looks. Stubbornness of parent makes a child feel bad about the parent. It will be better if a child understands this and try to reduce the magnitude of independence wanted.

    If parent is bad, a good/bad child is most likely to spoil. If parent is good, a good child will definitely succeed in life and may create wonders. If parent is good and child is bad, the parent can guide the child in a good way.

    When I become a parent, I will raise my child in a way that there are no secrets between us. We all know most of what children do without telling their parents. I will share even such issues with my child. I may be over expecting but I will try my best to succeed in doing it.

    I cut some sentences I wrote to reduce the length. And much more is coming from my mind. I will conclude as this response will reach an article length if I write more. Always remember that parents love children (even if they do bad things) and children love parents (even if they behave like detectives) too.

    Let us continue learning.

  • #573046
    Parents has all rights to check the daily activity of their children. It is different issue how parent will keep surveillance on tehir children, as all parents behavior and attitude is not same, some check casually, some check seriously, might be children behave differently at different space, which create doubts in the mind of parents. We can say it is caring, some time it is good guidance, and some time over possessive.
    We can not keep particular rules and strategy to check our children, as by giving them more leverage might bring bad results in the future career of the children.

  • #573152
    This is the most common problem in today's modern society. It generally arise due to lack of communication and understanding between both parents and children.
    When parents don't understand their children and try to pamper their children, it seems a burden to them. And when children don't understand their parents they start keeping secrets from them and when parents try to know or are curious about them then it seems interference to children.
    This whole topic depends on perception.
    When parents will see things from their children's view and children will try to understand their parents then there will be no problem to discuss about.

  • #573175
    Neelam! There is a Thirukkural ( two lines poem -Doha)in Tamil which gives many things for a better living and one among the poems(total 1330) says,'Yaazhinithu kuzhalinithu enbar tham makkat kural kElaathavar' which means 'Those who do not heard the voice (speach) of their children used to say the sound of yaazh (similar to veena) and flute are so fine. Similar to this present parents have no time to hear their children's voice or to note their children's study. refer:

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