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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Those who left me 10 years back for no reasons are turning back to me, what to do ?

    In daily life we come across good persons, average persons, close persons and challenging persons. We cannot deal with all of them with same method or attitude. Some may like us but some may not. 10 years back few of my average friends with whom I never had any previous contacts or expectations, left me suddenly and now they have found my contact number and eager to meet me again. Probably they might have had my contact number from social media. But now I am not interested to have contact with them. They insist. What to do? Can the learned members suggest some immediate tips ?
  • #573838
    K Mohan,

    If you are genuinely not interested in meeting them, just say so in a polite manner. Let them know that you & they have not been in touch and that you are not really keen on meeting them now.

    If at all you do not mind meeting them, no harm in meeting them once. It is possible that they are arranging a casual get-together of old batchmates or general friends commonly known to you and them. So if you feel like it, go and meet them.

    Regards,
    Vandana
    Managing Editor, IndiaStudyChannel.com

  • #573842
    What I believe is 'Nature & culture born from birth; it never changes in life'.
    I never give a chance to get closer when a person cheats me or my family members in past. Many people say that he changed now completely; he's not like earlier as today. However, I don't believe the person who left us or underrated during our problems. Relations to such people must keep distant for better consequences.

    Regards,
    Naresh Kumar
    'Every bad situation will have something positive. Even a dead clock shows correct time twice a day.'

  • #573843
    No one can develop or sustain a mutual relationship unilaterally. It has to be reciprocal and with mutual consent and cooperation.
    The messages/friend requests received on social media like Facebook can very well be ignored. Often, there are many system generated suggestions also and it appears that the individuals are seeking to establish contacts.
    Receiving a friend request is different than seeing the system generated suggestions. All of us see such suggestions, but ignore them in case not interested in furthering the relationship.
    However, sometimes we do get a pleasant surprise in seeing someone's name in the suggestion list and pounce upon them to connect.
    We have to be very choosy in connecting with people on Facebook like media until and unless we are fully proficient in privacy settings. All information gets shared on the social media with the friend of friend also or in public domain.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #573844
    I never expected this attitude of turning down the past friends by Mr. K Mohan who is a lovely broadminded person as per ISC records. One should never say 'NO' to friends and their friendship. But understand well about the nature, quality and attitude of that friend and act wisely. You can use them like a pickle in a dish, if they are good. and you can use it as a curry leaf and throw it away from your dish after using it, if they are not fit to be your friend.

    'Fear no one; hate no one; wish no one misfortune;
    More than likely you will have plenty of friends.'

    (It is a golden phrase that I read somewhere sometimes which cannot be erased)

    No life without Sun ¤

  • #573850
    Sun,

    Friends are not meant to be used like food ingredients! Sad to know this is your attitude towards friendship. It is just a question of whether or not to meet the friends - friends are friends, whether of past years or new ones. You need to treat them with respect - say politely if you do not wish to meet them or at least call/meet them once to just see how they are doing. Where is the harm in being a little kind?

    Note that if you are throwing away curry leaves, you are throwing away a whole lot of health benefits. I suggest you look up the superlative health benefits of curry leaves. I use them liberally and never throw away a single one.

    Regards,
    Vandana
    Managing Editor, IndiaStudyChannel.com

  • #573859
    Mohan, now you should act rationally and not emotionally.
    You should ask yourself and get the right and true answer, why you do not want to reciprocate their gesture. Is there any strong reason for which you do not want to reconnect with them?
    If your answer is yes, then there are two alternatives.1. Just ignore their signals and gesture if you do not want to be drawn into a vortex of persuasion and compulsion. 2. If they are persons with maturity and normal decency, tell them in a decent, polite but firm way that you are not interested to reconnect .
    But if you don't have any back incident to avoid contact with them, and you don't have any fear of their exploiting you or troubling you, then why not just reconnect and keep it a general friendship. Analyse rationally and arrive at a considered decision.

    ==================================
    Let us keep faith on ourselves and work sincerely, not leave everything to fate.

  • #573862
    Vandana,
    Curry leaves have health benefit. I don't deny it. But a curry leave which is used to give its aroma and energy through boiling, frying etc don't retain its nutritional value. It almost becomes a dead leaf with no energy after its use (boiling frying).
    In Tamil, there is a proverb 'Use this person like a curry leaf'. That substantiates and proves that curry leaves are not consumable after its use in a dish.

    This is what I think, others might think differently. A good topic raised for discussion.

    No life without Sun ¤

  • #573866
    Perhaps those who had lost contact since last 10 years and resurfacing again were not true friends, though they may be acquaintances or classmates etc. True friend generally never lose contact for such a long period.
    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #573869
    If I would be at your place, I must have tried to know the reason - why they were not in touch for so many years?
    They might be having some reason for leaving you that time. There is always a second chance in life.
    If you convince yourself with their reply or response you can resume your friendship.
    If not, you may do formal conversation rather then directly ignoring them. With your formal response, they will get hint that you are no more interested.

    Padmini

    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • #573911
    In my opinion, the answer depends on why your friends left you ten years back. If its the same reason as why we leave our friends in childhood due to location shifting etc., you can meet them and know more about each other and enjoy the get together. In case its the other way like some quarrels etc., it is better to talk and express that you are not interested, in a non hurting way. We all know that even a person who is not good feels bad if we hurt him/her with our words/deeds. As you are saying that you are not interested, it may be the second case. I suggest you to meet them once and then decide whether to continue the relation or not.

    Let us continue learning.

  • #575451
    The decision could be taken only by you as you are the only one who is aware of the situations under which they left you. However, i would not suggest turning the request down straightaway. Maybe it would be better if you arrange for a meeting with the concerned person and have a one to one talk.

    You need not necessarily meet up at your place. Choose some other location far off enough from your place - in case you do not want the other person to know your exact location. Have a proper talk. Make it a point not to bring the enmity in your words - let bygones be bygone. If, still, you are not happy and would not wish to have a continued relationship- say it politely and move on.

    Live....and Let Live...!

  • #575453
    More than 10 days old thread pulled again by an experienced author.
    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.


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