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Should toddlers be kept out of social functions? The idea behind the discussion is that they feel uncomfortable in new surroundings and the end result is that the concept of the event gets distracted. What do you think about this? Or do you suggest a separate arrangement for toddlers in such gatherings? Go ahead and join the discussion if you have an idea about the issue in hand.
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Toddlers and social occasions

    Be it marriages, birthday parties or family get together, these times usually mean a lot of fun when all the members of a family come under one roof. Marriages essentially become platforms for extending one's range of friendship.

    Now, here is the pressing part. I really don't get as to why people are so keen on bringing toddlers to these functions. They don't understand whats's happening and usually end up crying and resulting in his/her parents to take care of them instead of enjoying the function. Well, if the idea is to introduce their bundle of joy to the relatives, then there are a host of functions such as the birthday of the child or such.

    Toddlers usually become uncomfortable around new surroundings and when its coupled with new people who touch them, pick them up and other forms of "expressing love", the toddlers usually become exhausted and ultimately resort to crying and other methods of displaying discomfort.

    What do you think? Am I right to say that toddlers should be mostly avoided from such functions?
  • #587096
    Toddlers need their parents every time. So this is not right thing leave them alone at home. They need their mom more then anyone. If someone is afraid that his baby will be exhaust with love of others then they should not go out. Frustration is a common thing in toddler they become frustrated in their home also.

  • #587110
    Yes this is the tricky situation for every parent that the toddlers or the kids wont mingle with others except their parents and that gives uncomfortable feeling during social gathering. One of my relative daughter who looks cute and well talented always stands to be the attraction of any gathering by virtue of her alertness and knowing many things from the childhood. But the big problem is that she wont mingle with others nor allow any one to touch or cuddle her. This gives strange feelings to the visitors who would pamper any child and wants to get their attention. But this child is very selective and wont even move with the close relatives. And she will eat only if her mother serves her telling big stories and that is really taxing because in big gatherings, the guests has to be entertained and not this kid. So from the childhood itself we must allow the kids to mingle with others freely.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #587113
    Dear Mohan and Priya,

    Appreciate your responses. (Good to see you still so active Mr Mohan!). Both of your answers are justifiable in their own sense, but let's put it this way. A child as rightly said by Priya needs the attention of its mother. Therefore the easiest answer is for that particular parent to avoid such gatherings where that parent knows that their son/daughter will feel uncomfortable. The importance should be given to the child, not the party or the social event. If the child is not comfortable then the party must be dropped by that particular parent.

    There is another scenario too. Mr Mohan, you were talking about toddlers being allowed to mingle freely. There is a great danger in this. The mind of a toddler cannot comprehend what's happening around him/her. Therefore, let's take a situation where a toddler is carried away from his/her parent and starts crying, the more time that particular person delays in getting that child back to its parent, the more insecure the child feels. This is really bad because this will reflect in the character of that child when he/she grows up. Therefore I feel that toddlers should be left at home for social gatherings until they come of a certain age.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #587114
    It should be avoided as per occasion if possible, but like me if one have no choice then one has to carry the kid. Solution for this is to be in support of your child.
    I have attended two office parties where I was the one and only who was with a kid. There I totally tell others she(my baby) do take some time to get easy, please don't force your friendship on her. At such times her routine also helps a lot, if she is enjoying then only may be she will keep wake till late else around 10she want me to go to bed with her.
    And within 5to10 minutes I can come back and freely can enjoy the party.
    So two most important things are:
    1. Acceptance to her behavior, support.
    2.If a child is disciplined she will behave accordingly.

    Chitra Rana

  • #587122
    We need to understand the child - psycology. The kids always remain comfortable in presence of parents and in no circumstances, they would like to have any compromise with such situations. Now let us come to the real point where the parents would like to attend the social - functions without their kids. If such were the situation, it would be disturbing for both - the kids and their parents because of their constant thinking of their darling kids. The function will be no longer enjoyable for the same reason. Even the absence of the kids in such gatherings may puzzle their minds and this may be detrimental to their normal progress. Hence, they should not be deprived of such opportunities making them indecisive in their future course of action. They need to have the natural bond of closeness.

  • #587124
    Hi Chitra,

    Yours is what I would say a million to one situation. Also, office parties are much more in-personal than other social gatherings where family is involved. You can never say no to your uncle or your cousin when they come to pick you kid up. Hence the dilemma arises.

    There is a certain extend till which a toddler can be disciplined. The only thing a parent can do to a toddler is to support his/her behavior.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #587131
    Kids always need parents by there side so when parents decide to go anywhere kids will definitely get stubborn about coming together and seeing their cute faces even parents can't resist their request .
    Even if they leave their child home they did not enjoy the party as their focus remains diverted all the time.
    And the thing you said earlier about one parent staying home with child seems to be a total injustice to that parent when one of the parent is enjoying the party and other is caring and nursing the child whole day when that child.
    As child is the responsibility of both the parents so either they both should skip the party or both should share the responsibility of holding the child in such social function as most parents do the same.
    And I don't see anything bad in bringing children in such gathering .

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #587134
    Well i guess to a part that mistake is on the parents side, where as i am talking in my personal experiences and opinion, in a sense like except office parties - Where it has entirely strangers. Whereas in other occasions you will be attending your family functions which are unavoidable. So in that case, Toddler will be more comfortable with some of our other relatives too, mostly the youngest - like cousins. In my case, i do have a toddler at home, who makes our head spinning at times. Our cousins always take up the job of consoling and playing with my son, where me and my wife attend relatives who have come for our family functions/home. If we are gone attend others functions, as anyway you are not going to be in relative attending mode, so i believe toddler will be happy to see the colorful environment around except the sound/noise part. On the lighter side, If our elders hadn't taken us to such functions while we are toddler, we would have missed this " i saw u as a child , how fast you grown up." Posting my opinions not to say this is right thing to do. Rock On!!
    Some times peace is better than being Right!!!

  • #587143
    By reading this forum I think the author is still a bachelor. Toddler's are brought to the function due to many reason's like there may be nobody for them to take care, or they may be much attached to the mother and the mother has to attend the function. If you maintain a correct timetable regarding to their sleep, eating etc to kids right from birth you will never find it difficult to manage them. I have attended so many weddings alone with my two kids which I never found difficult in fact by bringing to such function's you will explore them to the world. They get adjusted by people or else as now every where its a nuclear family, children know only their parents. That why they start crying when they go for their first nursery classes. So according to me toddlers should be brought to functions. Yes but extra care should be taken, because that's a good experience to the child as well to the parent.

  • #587148
    Hi all, a bunch of good points coming up. As a moderator, here are my observations.

    Mr Sheo,

    Good point raised based on the child psychology angle. But here is my thought, can't parents skip a few gatherings and parties until their child grows up to a stage where they can at least walk on their own? During this stage, the child will be able to interact with the relatives too. This will make the atmosphere much more better for the child and the parents.


    I don't feel that its injustice that one parent is at home taking care of the child while the other attends marriages. That is known as understanding. Sharing of responsibilities should be there, but even then there must be scope for adjustments. How, otherwise do you think will the parents work out the problem of who goes to work and who stays at home? Not going to work together is not a viable solution here.

    Mr Magesh,

    Good point with good examples. But not all will have a cousin or someone in the family that the kid is comfortable with. I agree that most of the kids do get comfortable with someone or the other, but to what extend?


    Yes! you are right, am a bachelor. First of all hats off for efficiently managing two kids with such relative ease. This shows that you are really organised. Really good points quoted too.

    I see that this forum is going to the side where people are supporting taking children's for marriages and other social functions. Waiting for further interesting responses.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #587154
    Menon what I said is right. From the beginning itself the child must be taught about the relatives and the situation to mingle and exchange pleasantries with others. For example my daughter who was just 8 months old and even looks cute and lean has learned walking on the road when we used to go to the temple. Naturally when a kid of that age is walking that gets the attention of even passerby. So naturally she was loved and even patted and some times people used to play with her. Now this mingling of her has benefited us much because we means my self my wife and my son can go out for a while and without us she would stay with anyone and play. So that acceptance is what I am talking about.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #587185
    Toddlers have to be taken care of if taken to social occasions. If parents can take care of toddlers during such occasions, they can carry along toddlers with them. Taking them to social occasions can make them more social as they grow up. if parents find toddlers a burden during social occasions, they may as well leave their kids at home if someone is willing to take care of them when parents at ten df social occasions.

  • #587213
    At last I only wish to say that, to be parent its a gift by god. We should always enjoy every moment of our child because these moments never come back in life. So just to take of my children till they grow for their in-dependency I have left my job and earning at home where ISC is also one. So Never Toddlers should be avoided.

  • #587246

    New Year wishes to all. I guess that since the general opinion of this thread is to take toddlers for social occasions, I feel that we can conclude by saying that toddlers are a welcome sight during social occasions. Although there are chances of creating confusions and disturbances, if properly managed, then toddlers become a welcome addition to any social occasion.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #587292
    Mr Menon,
    I am thankful to your observation and there is no denyl that to nurture a kid offering him the support physically and mentally it would be very much desirable to skip the parties till the child attains the age of ten - the age when he can apply his sense rationally.

  • #587305
    Mr Sheo,
    Very well said. Now if there are no more points to be said regarding this particular matter, I would request the editors to tell their opinion about this subject and lock this thread.

    I would like to thank all the members who has actively participated in this discussion.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #589080
    Taking toddlers out to social gatherings is a catch 22 situation. If you take them they will be uncomfortable and create nuisance for everyone. I have seen in some parties the couple with child or children leaving the party and going back to their house.
    If you ask why you take them along with the usual answer is - there is no one at home to look after them or they should be exposed to life outside home.
    Now a days baby sitting places are available in various localities who take care of children and charge a fee. If you can not afford asking a helping hand from your neighbor or relative is not a bad idea.
    In fact modern society strongly discourages people for bringing the toddlers along with. In personalized family picnics or outings there is no problem as you can take them along depending upon your conveniences.
    The risk of accidents is very high foe children whenever they are taken out so this angle also to be taken care of.

    Knowledge is power.

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