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(This thread is the Winner of the Special Prize in the TOW contest for the week 1st Jan – 7th Jan'17)
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    "No!" - Why can't rejection be accepted?


    Ever wondered why a boy finds it unacceptable to be rejected by a girl or vice-versa? Let's find out the opinions of youngsters and adults alike for the reasons why rejection is difficult to swallow and how to deal with it.



    There has been an alarming increase of boys stalking girls, pestering them to get married and, when rejected, stabbing them, throwing acid or even going to the extent of having them killed by a third party. There are also situations when a girl does not wish to enter into a physical relationship but is harassed constantly & molested for rejecting the advances, even raped perhaps.

    Why?

    Why is it that a boy can't accept a plain and straight forward "No"?

    The other side of the coin is also to be considered: The boy is not interested in the girl who claims her love for him. He clearly says no, but the girl refuses to accept it, feeling that perhaps more time is needed for the boy to understand her feelings. When the matter is made with clarity, she goes into depression, threatens suicide, tells all & sundry the boy is not a good person, etc.

    Why?

    Why is it that a girl can't accept a boy's rejection of her supposed love for him?

    Let's discuss the reasons for not accepting a straightforward rejection & how to deal with it in a mature manner.
  • #587492
    This is a question to be answered correctly only after getting into the shoes of the affected boy or the girl. How to understand the real feeling of that boy or the girl? All the human minds are not same to accept the rejection of love. For few, love may not matter much, but for many love matters lot. The very simple reason is that the rejected boy or girl would feel that the rejection of love is an insult to them. It is the human nature that we can tolerate anything but not the insult. Just look at Duryodhana who was insulted by Droupathi that created Mahabharatha war. Insult is an intolerable action. And an insult to someone's want, especially the rejection of love cannot be tolerated.

    Instead of saying I don't like you or don't love you, one should say 'Sorry, I am not a good match to you'. Rejection should be very polite and humble with a self blame.

    No life without Sun

  • #587494
    Getting a right match for a boy or girl has become a gigantic task for the parents which starts from the early age of the boy or girl so that right alliance would be searched by the time boy or girl becomes fit for the marriage. Normally from the girl side the important things that are demanded are the good looking boy with no bad habits, should have good qualification and earn handsome money. The boy must have vehicle or car for sure and if the boy's parents have own house that will be more preferred. From the boy side the expectation are many such as the girl must be good looking , charming and understandable. She must be obedient to the in laws and must know the cooking and other chorus of the home. If she is qualified well then going to work must be the criteria. But often the expectations of boy and girl are different from the parents and thus they reject the proposals if the alliance is not coinciding with their likes. They must reveal their decision then and there only.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #587495
    "You have to keep petrol away from fire. And if there is sugar, ants will come automatically to it. In today's world, the more a woman is nude, the more she is considered modern and educated. Such things are on a rise in the country. Western culture is a black spot on country's culture and it should be stopped at the earliest. And we need to focus on our famous Indian culture."- Samajwadi Party leader Abu Aseem Ajmi. And his party is a major force in Uttar Pradesh.
    The followers will quote this great leader. These misogynists can never accept 'No'.

    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #587498
    As already Sun mentioned its just plain human tendency which doesn't allow the rejected boy/girl to take up the rejection in a positive. Instead they take it up as Insult to them and take that as personal vendetta. That leading to the harassment, molestation, rape, killing , depression, suicide threats and other such bad things.

    Also to mention a point, Friends plays an important role in pushing the boy/girl into this bad state and sometimes pull out of such states. Also nowadays youngsters as more prone to the electronic devices and media, where they are getting more and more ideas how to do bad things than doing the right things.

    I would say the below steps are to overcome a plain rejection or break up :

    Grieving period : In as sense that the boy/girl will definitely is hurt and feeling bad on their rejection from romantic partner. In this time the boy/girl should spend his time on things which he/she was interested more. Like going out for movie , having night stay in your friends place just to take some time out of your life to process the rejection, rather than this sitting in home alone thinking about rejection will definitely makes it worse.

    Talk to a trusted friend : Friends are always the best to remedy to overcome anything, I would say based on my experiences. And best thing is that one friend you want is the one who will tell it to you straight that where it has went wrong and they will not allow to be in the grieving period for long.

    Don't take up rejection personally : Many youngsters believe the rejection was only due to him and forgets to think that the rejection says nothing about you as a person. There may be plenty of reasons for that boy/girl to reject like - they might not know you as person, they may be already in relationship, they might not have interest on relationships.

    Do something else : Rather getting back into your original work environment, give yourself some time and space. Doing something fun is a great way to get your mind relax and out of the rejection - Like dancing, gaming, outdoor sports.

    Never put up your sorrows in the social media where you will become a comedian to others and more in a way it affects you to overcome the rejection. As in social media it gets exposed and more enquiries about the rejection will not help you to get out of the grieving period.

    Some times peace is better than being Right!!!

  • #587501
    Though the world is large and unlimited expanse, for most individuals it is still a small area comprehensible. Individual minds are more and more conditioned to be self centred and selfish. That leads t possessiveness and concentrated ego. This ego cannot accept failure .
    Every one wants to have what he wants to, every one considers himself as the lord of all he sees and surveys. So any "No' is taken as defiance and disobedience, and is a challenge to the solid ego. That is why things mentioned in the thread happen.

    If one's mind is taught, trained and conditioned well that this world is large and there are more alternatives and substitutes, no one will feel bad in rejection. The much mocked traditional Hindu philosophy that we are all tools and toys in the hands of the Supreme , will not cause problems or disappointment in rejection and failure.

  • #587502
    In continuation of my previous comment (#587495 ), I would further state that whenever I carry a substantial amount of cash (very rarely though), I avoid dimly-lit road, unknown area and unknown people. This is a precautionary measure. The girls who were at MG Road of Bangalore at 12 midnight could have taken some precautionary measures for self-defence. Isn't it?
    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #587514
    According to me its not human tendency nor any disorder problem. It always depends on up bringing of a boy or a girl right from their childhood. As now everybody is having single child they full fill their wishes at any cost even if they are not well off. When a child at a beginning demands for some gift parents give them without any rejection. This type of upbringing continues with them always, so they start developing possessiveness as they get all what they demand. So immediately in teenage or in the maturity period when they fall in love where they don't no the exact meaning of love, they take it for granted that the opposite person should accept. Immediate NO of a person they cannot accept it easily. They will never have faced rejection right from their child hood. So this gives them a shock.
    So I feel we should train the children right from childhood that some of their demands always cannot be fulfilled because of some reason's. Not only that we should not allow the children to watch even movies because now a days movies have so negative affect on children where they learn everything .
    This is my felling why now day's rejection can't be accepted.

  • #587523
    Hi all,
    The very reason why people can't generally take no for an answer is because of the emotional quotient of that person. We Indian's are really emotional beings. We react to anything and everything that tries to disturb our believes. In my opinion, this is just plain dump. I am not joking, that is how a kid has been bought up.

    Parents usually tell their children: "You must mind your own business at all times. Don't deal with others matters."
    When boys grow up: "You must not sit near her like that. Don't touch her hand! Don't talk to her too much! "
    When a girl grows up: "You must dress like this. Don't play with boys anymore. Don't do this don't do that!"

    Now, a kid who is growing up in this atmosphere will certainly think why all of a sudden he/she cannot talk or play with his/her close friend. By the age they get the idea of things, the damage has already been done. Their perceptions are different, they think about each other differently. This is what ultimately leads into discrimination and threats and rapes and whats so ever.

    I feel that this is the root cause on why we can't say no. Especially boys have got a mentality that rejecting them means the destruction of their character or something. It's this thought that is forcing them to take these dire steps. All because of how they were molded by their parents, teachers and friends.

    @ Mr Parthan: I cannot agree with your point in response #587502. Boys stay out late nights and party all night. They don't take any precautionary measures. By saying girls to take precautionary measures, you are indirectly implying that every other girl who goes out for partying has got a chance to get raped. Is that what our Indian Culture has come to?

    Sid

    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #587524
    Despite discussing all these issues, we can't deny that the barbaric game of Taharrush' has reached India.
    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #587548
    Partha,

    This thread's topic is about rejection of love and not on the topic of the Bangalore incident/cases of mass molestation.

    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #587641
    If is about the rejection of love. Means the boy loves the girl but the girl is not accepting or rejecting and vice versa.If there is love from the boy /girl, he/she will not resort to the molestation/ rape etc. If someone love to somebody he/she will not spoil other's life. It purely lust (vasana) which force the either party to behave like this.The main cause is their upbringing and sanskars.
    The greatest wealth in this world is mental peace and good health.


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