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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What should we do when two people quarrel?

    During my childhood, I learnt that when two friends quarrel, we have to intervene, try to make them understand the futility of quarrelling, make some light-hearted comments (if possible) and if they tend to leave the main issue during quarrelling, bring them back to the issue. I try to follow the principle even now.

    I have also tried to follow the same principle in ISC. Let us refer to this locked thread:-
    It is pretty harsh, relax it a bit!
    Two eminent and senior Members were engaged in verbal (?) duel in this thread. I tried to intervene with some light-hearted comments (not at all derogatory to anybody) and tried to bring them back to the main issue (my response at #590638). Alas! What did I get in return? My response got deleted and one valuable point was deducted. Overall I lost three hard-earned points (2 points which I received for the response + 1 negative point) for my effort to intervene.

    Is the lesson which I learnt during my childhood totally wrong?
  • #590746
    There is nothing wrong to intervene and control the quarreling persons but that should be done with very guarded act or else you will be blamed for nothing. For example the on going tussle of power in TN between OPS and VKS , she alleged that OPS gave a smile to Stalin and that she understood that opposition party is responsible for the vertical split of AIADMK. By merely smiling if some persons can draw so much damage to their reputation and post just imagine when you interfere even in this site and get caught on wrong foot even though you felt necessary to intervene and subsidy the duel.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #590796
    Any comment from any Editor or from any other senior Member? This hapless confused man has suffered a loss of three valuable points!
    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #590798
    Partha, the first sentence of your response in that thread is not required there. I have just restored your points after removing the sentence.

  • #590800

    I checked your response again in that thread. Nothing wrong in trying to intervene when it is indeed a sincere effort. The supposedly light-hearted comment was not derogatory. At the same time, it was not required. There is a time and place for such comments, but not when it is a very heated argument. It will simply be looked upon as goading and backfire.

    As for trying to create a settlement between the 2 gentlemen, well, as I said in a memorable thread long ago, I sincerely hope to do so before my retirement from ISC, in or out of the role of ME. I have not given up behind the scenes in trying to make them bury the hatchet.

    I think we should let this matter rest. It would have been good not to bring up that particular thread again, but instead raise the topic of this thread independently of it.

    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #590801
    Thanks for donating 2 valuable points to me! This thread may now be locked.
    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #590802

    If the thread had been raised independently of the other thread we would not have known the context and the point deduction Partha mentioned.

    We would not have known of your memorable thread and effort to get the two gentlemen to bury the hatchet. Is it fine to refer to the gentlemen, and not fine to refer to the thread?

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #590804
    The thread is now being locked as suggested by the author.
    'Don't miss the Donut by looking through the hole'- Anonymous.

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