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(This thread is the Winner of the TOW for the week 12th Feb – 18th Feb'17 )
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    We generally don't like to be pointed out.

    Friends, when it comes to being verbal, most of us say that we like to be told about our drawbacks or would like our mistakes to be corrected and so on. But, is it so when it comes to reality?

    The fact, I believe, is that, most of us feel bad when someone points out our mistake or when someone suggests an improvement to what we did or when someone tries to correct us. It is not that we do not agree with them but the inherrent ego in us does not allow us to accept them publicly. We may take the suggestions seriously and may even make efforts to correct or improve ourselves, but the instant reaction would be to try and justify ourselves.

    Then again there is another group who do not only disagree with suggestions but are also reluctant to analyse themselves and carry out corrections for improvement. A negative effect that has been observed to be related to this point is that some people try to avoid you if you persist in your efforts to help them improve.

    There may be few who are open to criticism and are generous enough to acknowledge such suggestions and admit that they need to correct or improve themselves; I think they do better in life than others.

    Please note that I am talking about the various aspects involved as an individual in total. Have you ever thought about this human characteristic? Do you feel my observation is correct? If so why?
  • #590846
    Yes we do get offended and even get perplexed when others point out at our mistakes. We are not trained or habituated to face the criticism on face. Our parents have not tought us to be rude to others not they taught this lesson to us. But some people take their liberty of closeness with them and they try to over power us with the cascading remark which may be even personal in front of others. If you do not like a person or his attitude, say to him in isolation and not before any one. No one likes others to command and that is the reason being so we indulge in difference of opinion and quarrels even on petty issues. But what I feel that those who are indulging open criticism of others must keep themselves fit to advise on that line otherwise the people would revolt against the very person.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #590847
    Although all of us say that they welcome criticism or constructive criticism, in actuality, nobody wants to get criticised. Particularly so in public forum or in presence of others. But criticism is very important, It helps us to improve. Without criticism and critics, no person can move forward.
    IU also don't like to be criticsed by others, especially in public. However, I try to remember the points/issues on which I have been criticised. Later, I try to analyse on cool brain. If I think the criticism is fully or partly justified, I try to change myself. But the deecision to acceptt criticism or not, is entirely mine.

    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #590850
    I think it has to do with the tone and the tenor of the critic. It is the way a message is conveyed that causes people to become defensive and less accepting. Any criticism that starts with 'you should not' or 'you should' or 'I would have done this' is a sure put-off. It ceases to be a criticism of the action/work.

    Let us not forget that constructive criticism is never about berating others. When someone uses such condescending phrases it indicates that they are overbearing and superior. What I would term as throwing weight around! Constructive criticism is never about the person, it is always about the action.

    Studies in human psychology show that people are more receptive to constructive criticism when it comes from amiable persons. Any show of one-upmanship is perceived as an attack. Anyone who thinks they are giving 'friendly advice' should know that advice that focuses on the 'you' and the 'I' is not friendly. These two pronouns should never be part of the advice. Focus instead on the issue at hand.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #590915
    When people do something, there are both desired and undesired effects. So they must be open for criticism. If an artist can't keep an open mind, he never should have performed.
    But we blame each other quite often. Blaming is an entirely different concept.
    Criticism is to find the mistakes in an action and offer a better solution to the problem.
    Blaming is to entirely burden someone with their own failures and not even giving a proper solution.
    We must always try to be a critic ,not a blamer.
    I completely agree with Juana's observations. She has put them in a very neat way.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #590922
    It depends on the way the person points out the mistake. If the person is genuine then we can accept our mistake but sometimes a person's tone will make us angry when he corrects us. If pointing out our mistakes is with the intentions to correct us than to insult us, then we will definitely correct our mistay. Some people will always keep trying to find faults in others and they keep criticizing others in what ever they do. Such people's correction will have no value and respect.

  • #590961
    Most of us will agree to this. We believe that we have done our work with the best efforts when somebody finds mistake in our work and it is genuine, we really feel bad. Though we accept it as our mistake but hardly believe that I have made that mistake. The second point is to feel bad is how our mistake is conveyed to us either by harsh word or soft but in both cases it hurts.
    Well done is better than well said

  • #591026
    It is nothing but the function of ego.
    I am having a department head in my office, if I ask him whether he was free he will not answer either yes or no but simply what do you want.
    In a friends house,one day one seeing the used coffee cups were kept on the ground, I asked the housemaid to remove immediately but she went as such but to their badtime, power went off and the same lady came out to take candle and kicked the cups on the ground in the darkness and got injured in her leg. later on she felt sorry for not adhering my words.
    My wife used to keep the vessels get washed in normal water immediately after taking from the stove as it should not hurt others when unknowingly touch the same. she told this to my sister in law (brother' wife),by seeing her action contrary to this, but she went unnoticed. Next day also she did like that but within a few minutes, she herself took the hot vessel without remembering and got severely injured in the palms. Later my wife told her that this was earlier told by my mother as it was her practice and only for our safety such instructions are given. we should give up our ego always if we should not get pointed out by others.

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