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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is it hypocrisy: Saving money for son's higher education and daughter's marriage?

    One of my colleagues always advocates equal opportunity for sons and daughters. He always advocates giving equal opportunity for the male child and female child. I was earlier deeply impressed by his noble view.

    Nowadays all of us, the so-called officers, are planning some legitimate ways during the penultimate month of the financial year to save some tax. In this context, my colleague said: "Look, I always try to save equal money for my son and my daughter. I am saving equal amount for my son's higher education and my daughter's marriage."

    I have started thinking. Is my colleague really giving equal opportunity to the male child and the female child? What do the Members of ISC think?

    [Clarificatory note: My colleague's daughter has performed much better than his son in the Board examination. He is saving money to enable his son to study in a private engineering college.]
  • #591389
    As long as the main purpose of raising a daughter remains getting her married, this mindset will prevail. Only when parents start seeing a daughter as someone with a bright future or as someone with dreams and aspirations, only then will their view change. Hypocrites do not realise their actions and words don't tally.

    We, as a society, have not reached that stage where we can think of a daughter as having a career and being successful and taking pride in her achievements. Parents instead take pride in the kind of groom they find their daughters or the affluence of the family they get her married into.

    Thankfully, my husband and I do not subscribe to this view. We saved for our daughter's future – a future that we gave her the freedom to select. We did/do not restrict or curtail her with our hopes for her. We let her chart her own course. Marriage though important is secondary. It is what she wants to achieve that counts.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #591483
    For every parent , nurturing the children from birth to their career growth threshold is the prime duty for which every parent makes some great sacrifices and even provisions too from their earnings. I have seen many people depositing a fixed amount as recurring deposit in the bank in the name of daughter. The mother would go for a private chit among the women folks so that she can purchase gold ornaments for the daughter marriage. And making provision to obtain bank loan for the son's higher studies and so on. All these things are continued process from the parents angle who does not want to face a situation of problem when the D day comes in the children life. One thing is sure, all these efforts of the parents are not known to the children and they simply ignore the parents after getting married. That is the great pain.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #591493
    While I agree that there may still be a few among us who save money for son's education and daughter's marriage, I doubt whether a blanket opinion in this connection would be justified in the present day context. Let us not dismiss the fact that there has been a considerable change in the mindset of the parents in recent times and they have started giving equal importance to the education of their girl child also. Let us not forget that we are no longer living in an age where parents can easily force their way on children. They have started planning their future and the role that a parent plays has been reduced to a considerable extent. Having said so, we must keep in mind that our society still considers marriage of their daughters very important and as a primary responsibility and so there is nothing wrong in saying that we need to save for the occasion in addition to her education especially on considering the fact that expenses in involved in marrying off a boy is relatively manageable.
    'Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment'- Lao Tzu

  • #591497
    On the morning of 16th February, 2017, I saw a picture in newspaper. The lady scientists of ISRO were celebrating the success of launching 104 satellites. I am thinking that the parents of those scientists must have prepared them for higher education. Their parents saved money for their higher education, and most probably, not for their marriage.
    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #591543
    There are many hypocrites like that who don't believe in strengths of women. That's the reason we still not become developed country. There are lot of woman who stayed unmarried because of same reason because they don't believe in that spending on marriages should be from bride side only.
    Fact is it is up to woman who is undergoing marriage with such one sided expenses, if she is bold , well educated then she can choose not to marry in that situation. Parents once spend money and marriage happens gets relax.
    Reason being this biased with son and daughter is society. Girl when become old it become liability as parents think she might run away with someone or can do unwanted things or community people will make talk of family for her. On the contrary this is not case of son.
    So far I am seeing this talk and situation happening in lower middle class families when if girl is not well educated she can not argue for spending her parents as she is not earning sometimes. Most cases well educated girls and boys are either preferring love marriages or waiting for their right partner, they know they are earning so no issues dependency on parents.
    Somewhere girls in villages and even middle class in cities try to be independent so they will know and can argue when spending on marriages comes.

    Life Is Beautiful

  • #591551
    Mr. Avi: In the present case, the family does not belong to ower middle-class group. But the mentality has not changed. On the contrary, in the lower-middle class group, I have seen parents encouraging their daughters to be financially independent.
    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #591625
    People in our country still have this mentality of saving money for girl's marriage and boy's higher education.
    They often bragg about giving equal opportunities to bot the children and they do so but till the secondary education and when it comes to higher education a boy always gets prefrence even if the girl is better in academics.
    This kind of behaviour is totally hypocrate and I totally agree with the title of this thread.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

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