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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Ambitious parents ruin the lives of their children

    Why do parents push their children into achieving the impossible? Why don't they just let their kids follow their dreams?

    I was distraught to see what a parent's 'pushing' has done to his daughter. Someone, we became friends with a few years ago had declared that he would make his daughter a doctor. It didn't matter that the child wanted to study law. This was a few years back when the child was still in school.

    Soon, he enrolled his daughter in an institution, in a small town, known for coaching medical aspirants. The child could not cope with the pressure, of studying from 4:30 in the morning till late into the night, with no time for recreation. She suffered a breakdown, but the relentless father kept pushing her. She was put on anti-depressants, removed from the hostel, but continued her studies as a day scholar. Her mother took a house close to the school, to be with her.

    Few years down the line. The child's life is a mess. She couldn't get into medical school and is enrolled in a veterinary college. Nothing wrong with that, but the child didn't want to be a vet. She is also severely allergic to animal dander and hay. She's again on drugs, steroids to be precise, to keep the allergies at bay.

    I met her last night – the steroids have had a terrible effect on her. She is bloated and her skin has an unhealthy colour. Over dinner she told me, I wish my parents were like you. She used to be such a bubbly, cheerful girl. Now she sits hunched, quietly. And yes, the father has more plans for her. He wants her to graduate and then specialise in camels, so she can work with camels in West Asia.

    Why don't parents let their children live their lives?
  • #592861
    Juana, with due sympathies to the girl in question, let me make a fair assumption. I agree that parents must not force their inclinations on children. But, let us not feign ignorance to the fact that children today are very less practical. With offers and opportunities poring in, through internet and other sources, they are actually at a loss. Don't we have to guide them? I am sure that a student of yesteryear had a clear thought process and knew what he or she need to pursue to be safe in life. But, still, I would say that, 'give the child the freedom to choose his career and future, if, and only if, he/she is ready to take a risk!'
    'Don't miss the Donut by looking through the hole'- Anonymous.

  • #592863
    Really moved from the real life story of a girl who want to be something but ended up as something due to pressure of parents. This may be the isolated case where the parents failed to gauge the right requirement and interest of the child. Normally parents do consult the child , the interest they have, the way they want to pursue their goal and everything. Then only they will decide which college to chose and why. All this can be possible if the child opens up with the parents. Some children fear to talk against the parents and thus they fail in their endeavor and that would be loss to parents too.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #592874
    You made me think twice with that story. My son is in 6th standard and he has many dreams. Yes, the age is too tender and everything around looks colorful and easily attainable. But, I have been guiding him not be too emotional with any of his dreams. I just expect him to do whatever he likes to as long as it remains practically future proof. I let him access whatever I have access to - laptop, apps, the Internet - but do keep an eye on what he does. That way, he can gather confidence and continue to be a successful individual in whatever he chooses to be.
    I, myself have been a victim of this pressure and I know how it feels to be doing something that does not interest you. I do not want that to happen with my son.

    Live....and Let Live...!

  • #592883

    There is a vast difference between guidance and imposition. When the girl clearly is not being able to manage in the field of medicine and, worse, is having health issues due to it, why are the parents forcing her? Is it not a horrible thing to do? Isn't her health far more important than a parent's dream? The final repercussions will not be good.

    It would be nice if the author of the thread and other close friends of the couple have a friendly discussion with the girl's parents to make them see reason. Let their daughter opt out and take up a career of her choice before it is too late.

    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #592888
    Let us not impose anything to the next generation. They may be allowed to study any subject which they want, but a minimum discipline must be enforced. This would help them in their study.
    We, the guardians, generally mix up study with career. So, the problem arises.

    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #592889
    I totally agree with the title of this thread "ambitious parents ruin life of their children"
    And most of the time it happens when parents want their children to fulfil those ambitions which they had in past and was unable to achieve due to various reasons for eg-financial problem, right guidence e.t.c.
    And when it comes to their children they overlook dreams of their children and impose those unfulfiled aims upon them. They don't even see any wrong in this because they live in a preasumption and misconception that they are providing every thing to their child to fulfil those aims, which they did not have when they were children.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #592890
    Yes. I have also seen many parents forcing their children to study the courses they like rather than encouraging the children to do what he is interested This is leading to all sorts of problems. Every parent wants their children to be in very high position and very rich. They want their children to get in to IITs and top medical colleges. So from Class 1 thy start pressuring them. But parents should also take the capacity and caliber in to consideration.

    Children now a days are very intelligent. So they will also express their thoughts about their future plans. Parents should under stand and take the steps which are apt. Otherwise unnecessarily the children will suffer.

    always confident

  • #592891
    Forcing a child to achieve parents dream in really wrong. Parents should not forget that every child has their own dream and if encouraged properly then the child can succeed in attaining the dream. Child will lose interest in doing something which he/she is not interested in. Parents should give proper guidance and advice on the career chosen by their child. It is better if the girl speaks to her parents about how difficult she is finding it and make them understand. Since they are even seeing the girls health issues they might agree and stop forcing her to study further.

  • #592956
    Saji – The case cited is definitely not one of guidance. Of course, parents must guide, but they also have a responsibility towards their kids and must use their experience and knowledge wisely. Being over ambitious for one's child and trampling over their aspirations is not good parenting.

    I do not agree that children today aren't practical. On the contrary, I think that they are very focused. They know their mind and know what they want from life. Technology has in fact, made available to them, opportunities that didn't exist when I was a student.

    Vandana – It's difficult to talk logic to someone who is not willing to listen. It's like talking to a wall. It's not that we didn't try, we did, but were, unfortunately, looked at as being envious.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #592964
    Today parents want that if they are providing all the facilities to the children, why children can not come up to their expectations.
    The parents forget that until unless children have interest and aptitude for a particular line or trait, they will never work hard to achieve those goals.
    Forcing them will not help. The only way is to find out where their interest lies and then motivate them to excel there.
    It is not an easy task for parents to adopt to such balance techniques but they can make efforts in that direction.
    Now a days lot of Competition is there and pressurising the children may lead to breakdown and depression which may be complicating the matter further.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #592989
    Really a pathetic situation the lad is facing and surely the parents are to be blamed. Our children are to be constantly monitored and guided but we should not enforce our ambitions on them. Instead we should try to inculcate the same spirit and see that their ideas are cynchronised with that of ours. At certain stage, we can easily identify their choice and it is always better to go with them. This would help the ward to move forward with high spirits and they would have a feel that their parents are with them to support. Unfortunately the modern education system and the surroundings are giving more space for pressure and competition instead of accommodating the child's view and ambition for their future.

  • #593011
    If I talk about our country "India" , most of the parents want their children to become an engineer or a doctor and they just want their children to join IIT or AIMs or any other competitive exam so that after completing their studies they can join multi national companies and so that they can earn well. Mostly in India , parents don't think more than being a doctor or an engineer and even so many schools and colleges are forcing their students to study and don't allow them to do anything creative except studies because of which their creative minds are moving in the darkness. There is one school in Haryana where you have to study 24/7 and you are not even allow to talk to any of your class girl and if you get caught while talking to a girl then you will be suspended. They completely don't know that what's going on outside their school. I would just say that our country's education needs improvisation and our parents need to understand that everyone has something unique. Just give us a chance to show that unique thing to the world. Don't just make us the part of the competitive world , don't just throw us where we don't even want to go. Just try to understand us. We just feel trapped in our own room. You look like stranger to us now. We know that you care about our studies but do you know that we really try hard. Even if you are with us but it feels like that you are Not there . Just don't compare us with anyone. We all have our own capabilities. We are not scared of getting less marks, we are not scared of competitive world but we are scared of You (Parents). We know that you are really concerned about us but still sometimes just let us be.

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