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(This thread is the Special prize winner in the TOW contest for the week 9th April - 15th April'17)
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    How many of you are like me, Aswini?

    Have you ever felt that you are unable to keep secrets? Have you ever regretted about having opened up to strangers? Is it difficult to draw a line between personal, social and professional lives? This thread is for discussing all about this simple but important point. Join in.

    Dear ISCians, I have a problem. When I ever meet a new person I continually warn myself not to speak much and especially about my personal matters like my family, friends and my thoughts. But whenever people around me discuss their personal or other issues and if it is related to me or my family, friends or anyone I know in any way, I just pour out my story about them. Later on I regret publicizing my personal matters. I want to control my flow of thoughts from becoming words. I can't hold a thing in my mind for a long time; I should speak it out. I always want to draw clear lines between my personal, social and professional lives but as usual I always fail and end up mixing up them all. Is any one out there just like that? Can anyone give me tips to control this?
  • #595850
    I really liked this thread which is dealing with the problem being faced by every one. That we become close and open up when some one becomes close and asks for even personal information to which we may even oblige. We must learn to be selective. Make friendship with those who knows us better and wont insists for more information from us. Always have the habit of listening to others rather than telling more about you. By the way when even you say any information about you or family say half and not full. That would be good for you. By revealing half message you are bound to be contacted again.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #595853
    Yes, it is very right that many times we open up our feelings and personal problems with other people and sometimes even with strangers only to repent afterwards.

    This is a psychological problem and has to be dealt in that fashion only.

    Every person wants to share his feelings or secrets with someone. Now until unless you share it you feel the burden of those things on your head. So one method is whenever you have that urge to confide with someone you approach your close friend and share with him. This way you get rid of it and there is no danger of sharing it with another person. Even in the family if you have an issue with someone you share it with other member.

    So after some time you will be sharing with the known persons rather than less acquainted ones.

    There are some people who are very calm and deep. They do not share their feelings with others and keep all secrets within their selves. This may be a natural trait but with lot of mental control and practice a normal person can also achieve that. If you have patience and control over your spilling urges it is worth trying.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #595854
    Most of the people around us are alike you. Of course, certain categories of people like celebrities, politicians are different and distant from this kind of tendency and they ought to be.

    As author said open up all personal secrets with others will definitely end up in trouble at sometimes. No separate tips to draw a line for personal, professional can be given by anybody, I think. Because, by experience only everyone learns as per their situation and troublesome situations out of this kind of attitude will definitely yield solution to draw a line.

  • #595858
    In such a situation, please ensure to talk only the good and positive aspects of your life, never share your sorrows and worries concerning you, your family and friends.
    No life without Sun

  • #595859
    Yes the same happens with me also, but I used to think that it is a problem of talkative people and thus I always believed that I am talkative.
    But after reading this thread I felt like there are many people facing the same situation and they are not talkative.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #595864
    I am the chatter box for sure and yes I always share the positive and happy ones. I never share my worries or sad moments. In fact I don't have any worries right now. I am a free bird so far. The thing is I easily get mingled with strangers and believe them. I don't do the pre - assessment of their personality before starting to believe in someone. First I establish a relation and then go on assessing them. I think that's where my fault lies.
    Carpe Diem

  • #595866

    Aswini being a chatter box is a great attitude and the people would be longing to make friendship with you. But you must be choosy in this regard. Not every one enjoys your moments would be friend from inner side. Some may wants to time pass, some may wants to have some information, but the real friend is one who will be with you even if you want to shun them. Probing the people is important here. Not every one is good in this world. People are cunning, selfish and information takers. They wont part anything with you but they insists some thing from you. Such opportunist friends must be avoided.

    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #595871
    You know what? Opening up to strangers in that way in the very first meeting, will make things odd. Yes, they will trust you for that, but will they remain with you as a friend?
    So, it's very important to identify the comfort zones and limits of your friendship. I rarely disclose anything. Because I observe people and the way they behave tells me everything. But to be extra sure I put on a small talk with them too.
    You don't have to disclose your stuff. It will only make you seem vulnerable. My tip would be- engage with people in small talks and try more to beat around the bush. Or an exactly opposite strategy, be utterly honest and say whatever crosses your mind.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #595875
    I feel that you talk much about yourself simply because you don't have much to talk about other things. If you can't control your habit of continuous talking, you can talk about films, fashion, marketing, shopping, neighbours, politics, education and many other things. Whenever you go on talking about these issues, you will autometically stop discussing your personal life. Do it, you will be benefitted.
    Non-violence is the greatest Dharma; So too is all righteous violence.

  • #595996
    If I go with the title and the content, my simple answer is- I am not like you. Even with friends, I don't share my personal life. Yes, there are is my childhood friend who knows about me everything and we do share our life story to each other and then there is my wife who knows about my personal life. Apart from that, I tried not to go and explain about myself to anyone no matter how close they are to me. The best thing to do avoiding such habit is talk as much you have been asked. Follow what other wants to know about you and stick with it without explaining deeply.

  • #596000

    Hi Aswini, I have been in your place. I am myself a chatter box and sure, people would always love to cling around me. I have seen that people,though in a group, when they see me come to me as soon as i enter. I have also been doing that with disclosing my details to complete strangers. But, When, I came to your stage of understanding what I was doing, made a self-analysis of the situations which prompted me to speak out the details, made a point within me that i need to stop that. It is all about self realisation and self analysis. We tend to open up whatever in our mind to ensure that others are confident and happy with us. It is a sort of psychological feeling. The best way to over come this issue is to write down what ever is going on in your mind. Once this is done, you will have a feeling that this has been expressed. So, when you meet somebody and when you open up a talk, these topics that have been already written wouldn't crop up, as our brain would send us a signal that this has already been expressed, as we people are always cautious not be repeat the same episode. Hope this helps you to overcome this issue

  • #596005
    This is a common problem with people. They can not hide their secrets or their personal life from others. I am very talkative, people call me a chatterbox. But i don't even know that what i talk with them. I do gossips about Bollywood, i talk about cricket, fashion, new gadgets etc, but i don't believe anyone with blind faith.
    Ashwini, you said that you don't do pre- assessment of people if they are good or bad. In this case i am like you i also don't do any pre- assessment about anyone. I don't look in suspect way to all strangers. i believe every word what they says to me. But i don't open up with everyone whom i meet. There are few people whom you can trust or can share your feeling. Sometimes we meet people who are snake in arm, we should not trust them anyway.

  • #607007
    [Response removed by Admin. Read forum policies.]

  • #607008
    venkata srinivas @607007,
    You have copy pasted the response as such from 596000 above in this thread.

    Please desist from such unwelcome acts. Copy paste in any fashion is not allowed in ISC.
    Please post your own original contents.

    Moreover, generally,do not respond to threads which are more than ten days and remain inactive after the initial few days. (This thread is an exception because it is marked as sticky thread).

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