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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is it Heavenly if a Girl gets married soon after her education or before 25?

    I have completed my masters now and people think that its time that I get married but I am not yet prepared for that. I have dreams to achieve, things to do for my parents and many things to settle before I get married off. My parents are totally aware of this but the society is deciding otherwise.

    Whenever there is a get-together I always get to hear this, next time we meet it will be for your wedding! They give a stern look at my parents as if they have committed a grave sin by not starting to search a groom for me. Why this expectation from a girl that she should get married and settled before 25?

    A very shocking discussion that we had in our office, one of my colleague said that in his village if a girl remains unmarried even after 25 it means her character is not good!

    Is this mentality still prevalent? Or may be people are insisting this for a girl to get married because it's actually heavenly?

    I believe that a girl should get married when she is prepared and if she really wants not because of family or societal pressure.
  • #604658
    It is not like that. Getting married is individuals decision. At what age and with whom is the decision of the Individual. Government also decided the minimum age for getting married but not maximum age. A girl can't marry before 18 years as per law. There is no law that girl has to get married before 25 years.
    But in our society it has become a practice to find fault with the parents if their daughter's marriage is delayed. This is more in villages. A mental torture. They never think about the privacy and preferences of the individual. In my opinion nobody need to care for unthoughtful comments of some people. Now a days there is a scarcity of girls. There are many boys but no equal number of girls.
    If we have a plan for our life and if we want to go as per that plan, we need not worry for these comments. Convince the parents and go ahead.
    What you believe is correct. A girl or a boy should get married as and when they think they are ready to get married.

    always confident

  • #605052
    The author has raised a topic of relevance. Is marriage more necessary than education for a girl? In my opinion, marriage is for physical need and education is for holistic development. A girl should get married only after proper education and employment. Education and employment woudl give her confidence and also bring qualitative improvement in married life.

    Of course this is my personal opinion.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #605085
    In Tamil there is a saying that we must attend to the tasks and works as per the stipulated time and we should not postpone the things without proper reason. Marriage of girls is one such. I can explain to you the need for marriage to a girl at the early age. If you marry at the age of 25 and below, then by your age of 50, your child would be ready to settle in life and look after you. If you delay the marriage, firstly the society would undermine about the chastity of the girl as to why she was not married and got delayed. Secondly the more delay you make in considering to marry, bearing a child at later age also becomes difficult for women and the people at In laws house wont be keeping quiet. So girls have the compulsion to get married between the age of 20 to 25 and that will pave the way for smooth and formidable family bonding for ever.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #605305
    Thank you, everyone, for all your wonderful response, I went through each of your response.

    I want to thank Dr Srinivasa and Partha Sir for emphasising on the fact that education and the will of the girl are essential for her to get married. I also want to thank Mohan sir for pointing out that everything has a time and should be done at the right time.

    But the fact the society looks down on a girl who gets married late is still very prominent. Maybe the intentions are good that a girl should get married by 25 but if she has certain priorities why force it on her just because of societal pressure.

  • #605320
    The intentions of the girl may be genuine and she wants to settle firmly in life and then get married. But If a girl fails to marry before 25 years of age, the people in the society would see the girl with suspicious eye as to what may be the reason for late marriage. She wants to support her parents with the income she is getting at least for some years, but parents too worried about her wasting time by not getting married. One thing is sure, if the girl agrees to marry at the right age, the alliances from the grooms would be over whelming and if she postpones for no reason, then there would be selective grooms which the girl may not like. Moreover I have seen the tendency of girl rejecting each and every alliance brought by the parents as she wont like which is not as per her choice and the parents wont allow postponing such girl for no reason.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #605482
    One of the features and characteristics of a living thing is to reproduce and propagate its species. Humans are no exception. All the other living things follow the natural cycle and instinct in this regard.

    It is only humans that treat co-habitations a means to satisfy psychological and social pleasure and bliss. That is why human resort to non-natural and even unnatural methods to enhance the individual, psychological and social happiness and well being as they feel.

    If we follow the proper natural cycle of generation and regeneration, then it is reasonable kept as twenty five years as one generation. If the son and father or mother and daughter are different in age beyond twenty five years then that is called a generation gap. The parents and children may be in different wolds and may not go hand in hand , but may be at logger heads.
    Man or woman, are at their youth's peak when they are around twenty five. The nature needs the best off springs and the ideal period is the prime youth. Wisdom has keep age of twenty five as an optimum age with physical and mental maturity for both man and woman.

    So if a girl gets married at or before twenty five and gets her first child soon, her child will be ready to start anew generation by the time this mother is fifty.following same tradition. The grandchild then gets a reasonably healthy grand parent for experienced care and attention and the new mother also gets her support to be a worthy mother.This is true for men also. However as there is a slight gap in mental maturity age between boys and girls, and as male productivity can go more than female, a slightly higher age for men getting married is condoned.

    It is also a fact that delayed pregnancies and child births can cause unwelcome issues. Hence parents and concerned elders get worried if the marriage of their daughter is getting delayed.

    What I said is just traditional wisdom. However in modern age when there are various other considerations and also facilities and handicaps, and marriage is not for the sole purpose of having offspring, there can be customisation in all these matters.

    The present world suffers from the problem of imbalanced birth rate continuity. With less birth rate and more generation gap due to child spacing, there is a disproportion between the old population and the youth and children segment.

  • #605537
    I do not think its heavenly if a girl is getting married just after her education. We study and we educate ourselves to have an earning and utilize and apply the things we learnt during our education. It cannot be considered heavenly rather it will be based on the girl's thought or depends on her family. There are many reasons to it, most of all people have financial reasons, some of all follows rituals and views that as soon as the girl completes her education, she should get married. It could also be the case that the girl herself is ready to get married at that age. There are completely different reasons to it. It depends upon what is destined for her what I will say that leads to various situations.
    Do what inspires you !!

  • #605549
    In old times marriages were done in early age because people specially the girls did not have to pursue educational goals or settle in a career.

    With educational and job facilities things changed with time and people started to settle in career rather than marriages. Now whether a girl or a boy they do not go blindly for marriage till their career objectives are met. It is a common site nowadays that they are marrying at an age of 30-35.

    So expecting a girl to compulsorily marry at the age of 25 is not digestible.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #605582

    Marriage is personal. I know it involves a lot of fanfare, but that doesn't change the fact that it is personal.

    • Marry when you are ready for it, not because you have reached, what society thinks of as the right age to marry
    • Marry when you meet your soul mate, the right person, not because an aged grandparent wants to see you dressed as a bride
    • Marry after you have achieved all the aims and goals that you have set for yourself, not because you have finished formal education
    • Marry when you are mentally and emotionally ready to share the rest of your life with somebody, not because you have reached a quarter century

    Society has no business getting involved in when you choose to marry. Your parents might have their concerns, because of beliefs passed on over generations. You must make an informed choice, spread all your cards on the table and decide what it is that you really want for yourself. Will you be happy marrying someone and not following your dreams? There is also the chance that you might find the right man who'll be happy for you and support you in following your dreams – he would make a good prospective husband.

    Don't get into marriage because it is expected of you. You matter and your happiness counts. Make yourself a priority, in your life, after all, you have to live it and deal with what comes your way.

    Coming to having children, I find some of the views published above, rather selfish. Have children because you want to be a mother and want to bring a new life into this world, and to celebrate your love. Don't think of children as an insurance policy that will mature and give good returns, by the time you turn fifty. That is not why you should have children.

    As an educated, intelligent woman, you must know the way the biological clock works, but then again, don't let making babies be the only reason that you marry.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

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