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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Benefits of a Joint Family

    In India the Joint family runs on the basic concepts of sacrifice,tolerance and adjustment. Unfortunately, our young generation is embracing the Western Culture,where there are no value of elderly persons and children are given to maid servants for bringing up.The seed of National Character and respect for elders are not taught.The young generation is roaming directionless,vision less and they have no mission.In joint family everyone is employed.He/She has not to feel alone.There is co-operation and co-ordination among the family members.The joint family is an advantage for us.
  • #605890
    In my view, a family life should be filled with love, respect, cooperation and understanding. Sacrifice, tolerance and adjustment sound very nice, but in today's scenario where the women are educated and know their rights, expecting them to sacrifice, tolerate and adjust their life is wrong. Everyone has a right to live the life of their choice, to be able to make decisions etc. In a joint family, there is a hierarchy system, even within the house. The eldest daughter-in-law or the mother-in-law controls the reigns. I know of so many joint families where there is no freedom.

    Why do we blame the young generation? Has our generation not moved to different cities, in search of better prospects? Everyone wants a good life, especially for their children and no one wants the baggage that comes with the joint family system.

    The Western culture that you mention – have you experienced the culture or are you going by what people say. You will be astonished perhaps, to know, that they too love their families. Yes, there are homes for the aged, because there are better facilities and available at these centres. With both spouses working it gets difficult to care for an elderly person at home.

    Abroad they do not have servants to do the chores. Everyone pitches in and does their bit. It is only in India that we have servants looking after children and doing house hold chores. And in joint families well, the daughter-in-law becomes the unpaid servant, to do everything.

    I think we should stop blaming everything not in sync with our beliefs on western culture.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #605896
    Joint family system has immense benefits more than what we know. In western countries in the sense of Privacy they keep their children aloof in separate rooms etc., They gives full freedom to their children as per their culture. But when we follow the same in our country the loss is only for us and that loss also not revealed immediately but felt only later. It is good to argue for the separation due to employment in various places to support the fragmentation of families. But the question is raised only to those people of a single family is living separately in the same city. If there is four brothers and if they live together as a single family the benefits, clearly facing ones are 1.Children will live in a lovable circumstances and they create love and affection among themselves and lack possibility of gap in relationship. 2.Cost of maintaining the family will be reduced as the total is shared themselves. 3.Since cost of maintenance is reduced the savings in each hand will be considerable.4.Standard education to children is possible to all children as everybody can share for others.5.Children will also come in the good atmosphere and avail good education as they can share the education and play with the family members also educated housewives take the care of children education and lest the tuition expenses. 6.Every member can get everything and they can reduce the contribution when they share the same towards functions of own and others.
    Daughter in laws first of all should remove the slavery thought from their mind as they are participating themselves in the total family and contributing their share to the family, that too for their family. The broke in the Joint family system raised only because of the thought of slavery in ladies that too in daughter in laws. I have seen so many joint families even with 6 or more daughter in laws lives together in many places. The famous cine actor Shivaji Ganesan lived and his sons are living in a Joint family only even now. If we thought only about our husband/wife and children then the peace of Joint family system automatically got ruined and nobody should think they are unpaid servant, if they think so, they are slave and unpaid servant with no leave at all to their husband and children, if they wished to live like such independence they should avoid total married life which is definitely impracticable one. Even in a single family I am seeing in chennai, a small school girl is coming from school and telling something to her mother but she,the mother, annoys herself and sullen on the child as if she got over work in the house, where only three, husband,wife and the small child living. If we fail to respect our own elder relatives then how can we work in a company under a manager and other colleagues and alternatively many of we, both men and women are adjustable with office persons but sullen over the house persons including their own children (but if we point out this many got furious, I donot know why)

  • #605909
    Everything has pros and cons and joint family is no exception in this regard.

    In a joint family the parents generally have a say and they many times dictate the son and daughter in law. Every daughter in law will not be happy with it and start opposing or not tolerating many ideas and behavioural pattern of her in laws. She will try to downsize them through their son which in many cases succeeds.

    The real problem starts from this and finally the son starts living separately where surprisingly his wife does may such things for which she was fighting with the in laws.

    So in a joint family one sided affair will not drag for long time. Until unless cooperation and sacrifice is there from both sides the joint family model can not be successful. How many mother in law there who treat their daughter in law as their daughter? The answer to this question is - a few.

    How many daughter in law treat their mother in law as mother. The answer to this is same.

    So the problem of joint family is problem of peaceful coexistence.
    There are many benefits of staying together and both the parties will be benefitted if they can manage to live with each other with love and happiness.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #605922
    @ Ramachandran,

    "… if they wished to live like such independence they should avoid total married life which is definitely impracticable one."

    Well, I do not think to stay single is impractical. It is better than living life on someone else's terms. But, not many will understand this because of a mindset that can see women as someone's property – a wife, a daughter. They can never see a woman as an individual, someone capable of making decisions and living the way she wants to.

    This mindset needs to change. To expect women, to smilingly, do the household chores, because it is envisaged as their contribution to the family, is absurd. I see it as a life of drudgery. It is not contribution; it is a price that women are expected to pay for getting married. Anyway, why must a woman be judged for the work she does or doesn't, in a joint family setup? It is not a contribution – it is an expectation.

    There is an Urdu couplet, that beautifully describes this barter system -
    "Tumhe chahun, tumhare chahne walon ko chahun,
    Mera dil dedo, mujhsae yae sauda ho nahi sakta"

    It means – I love you, but I am also expected to love those who love you…give back my heart; I cannot maintain such a relationship.

    Women take on family responsibilities on their own, when they feel loved and wanted. The responsibilities should not be forced down on her, definitely not as an outcome of marriage. Respecting elders doesn't mean you slave from morning till night or take on responsibilities of everyone.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #605954
    Benefits of being in Joint family matters more advantages as there is saying in Hindi that " Sangattan mein Shakthi Hain" that means when we are present in group or strength the might of every person will be great and beaming. In a joint family, there would be plenty of occasions to enjoy as the birthdays, festivals and other important events are held regularly and children would have the gala time. Elders have the huge responsibility to maintain peace and harmony within the family and any quarrel between the children should not be fought by the elders. If such kind of rules are followed , then there wont be difference of opinion. If any problems comes to the family of any one the decision can be unanimous and that would be over whelming. Many people want to see how the joint family works and how the each member would contribute for the well being of all.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #606021
    Many joint families were there earlier days. Now they are going down. The main reason for disintegration of joint families is no employment potential in Villages. All educated are moving to cities. This is an action to make a livelihood. When the son is moving to city, parents still not old. They may be performing well and they don't want to move. So there is no option other than one family becoming two families.
    We are 5 brothers. My parents stay in our native place. 5 of us are in different parts of the country. All are employed.No chance for even a single family to move towards the native place. The parents are not willing to come out of that place. We will be going as frequently as possible to see them. Send money every month. Medicines we send from here. They are very happy. But I always feel I am not able to stay with them. Many of us are facing the similar problem. Parents will come here for medical check up. I will go and bring them here and drop them back there. It is once in every 3 months. Many other families also facing the same problem

    Another reason for joint families disintegration is family planning. Only one son. Pampered too much. Forcibly sent him to foreign for earning. The boy will settle there and may not come back. So there is no chance for a joint family. If a daughter is also there, she will get married and go with her husband. Where is the question of joint families?
    Other than this no other reason I see. Daughter in law and mother in law problems can be easily solved if the father and son have the adjustment mentality and know the balancing act.

    always confident

  • #606507
    My family is a nuclear and small family. But I can understand the type of environment that is there in the joint family. You have a lot many members to talk to, to share the thoughts. But that does not mean that one should blame today's generation for not having a joint family or for women to have the dependency on men instead, that does not make any sense. The times have changed completely. Everybody needs to have a good earning in order to sustain themselves and their family, that is why people prefer moving to metro cities, because the source of opportunities are more in these places. People are changing their views and thoughts. Women are competing with men and leaving them behind in all areas of research, or sports or be it on education level.
    Time has innovated human beings in its own way. Even I agree that leaving children in daycare or creches is not good, but seeing today's survival conditions, it is necessary for both men and women to earn , in order to have a healthy living and in order to survive.

    Do what inspires you !!

  • #606510
    We should never see a joint family and agree to abide by that rules just because both husband and wife are earning and the elders in joint family has to look after them. Normally grand children have the affection and cajoling and have good tendency to mingle with grand parents and during the course of their nurturing, the grand parents would teach them the moral lessons, the fairy tales and above all good about the life and future. All those tutorials would go well with the small minds and they keep on respecting the elders. But in the name of nuclear family, today's couples are interested on their own enjoyment of life and not giving credence to the children future and thus young ones are denied of their access to seniors of the family and thus the gap seems to be widening day by day. Grand parents are the pillars for the small children and that is the fact. Those who deny are the living in fools paradise.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

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