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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is the youth of today losing their manners?

    What prompted me to write this post is a simple instance that happened in my home today. When my father came from office, he was very tired like all the other days. He just expected us to give him the charger, which he needed to charge his phone. He called me once, "Dear, could you please get me the charger?" I somehow could not listen to him, as I was occupied with something and similarly my brother, even after hearing it, could not get it immediately for him. As the other room was littered with clothes, he could not get enough space to sit. This made him shout at us. He roared at me, "Children these days have completely lost their manners. They do not care about the elders at all". He expected us to sit with him and talk a bit about his day.
    He says children have their own world and they do not need the company of their family, their father, and mother. He always cites the example of his times, that how he used to take care of his father and mother and how he listened to them.

    Is it that the youngsters today do not take care of their elders, their family?

    It is also noticed that any opinion given by us, will not matter much to the parents. Manners here refer more to the 'Sanskaar (Culture)'. It is related to our ethos and culture in general. We youngsters could be occupied in some useful work, but still, if we cannot notice something that our elders are telling, they take that to heart and call us as mannerless.

    Does that make sense?
  • #613238

    Elders always love their juniors. They give their heart out for the younger people. But sometimes when they are a little tired or feeling weak, if nobody cares for them they may get a little unhappy and may shout. But that is for a very little time. After a little time, they may become normal. They never keep anything in mind and they want their wards to be good and great.
    The people all are around 50 to 60 this time have a different experience. When they are young they were hearing to their parents and following their instructions and keeping them happy. By the time they have become aged, they are hearing their children and following them. In this, that generation people are always hearing somebody and never had the freedom of living as they like.
    All younger generation may not be in the same way. Some may even today also hear their parents and follow them.


    drrao
    always confident

  • #613256
    This what exactly what I was thinking yesterday night.The behaviour of my grandson caused me to think about it. Whenever the elders try to say how he should behave, they vanish. The manners are like zero in mathematics. When we put zero on the wrong side of 1, the value does not change. When we put the same zero on the right side of 1, its value enhanced to 10. The right manners also enhance the personality.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #613266
    One day when we will reach their age I am sure that even we question the youths of that time and say how well mannered we were during our time.

    We think and act differently from our previous generation and down the lane, this mentality will keep changing and the future generations will become more and more liberal. In a fit of anger he must have burst out, but I am sure that he must be proud of you all.

    We still haven't lost our manners yet.

  • #613327
    My views are little bit different on this issue. Since ages, the people of older generation have this complaint. Elderly people always say that younger generation people don't have manners. And when those younger people grow old, they also say the same thing about the next generation. This is an unending process.

    We can't generalise. Most of the people do have manners. But manners don't mean following the older generation without any question.

    Caution: Explosive. Handle with care.

  • #613329
    There will be differences in the approaches of young and old generations. It is only natural. Because the cultural or behavioural development of an individual takes place during the growing period. These periods are different in them. Only a portion of the child's behaviour is copied from his parents. Some portion from friends, some from teachers and the balance slowly while growing. Naturally there will be differences between two generations. This process continues generation after generation.
    The incident cited by the author it is stated that a demand made by the father was not heeded by child. It can be because the child was engaged otherwise. Or the father was tired and his sound was feeble. Of course there are kids who just behave as 'don't care'. My contention is that this cannot be generalised. There are children who behave very cordially with parents.

    T.M.Sankaran
    Gold Member ISC

  • #613341
    I don't think the youth is losing their manners. They might not be behaving like the older generation, their attitude towards things might be different but that does not mean they are losing manners. It is normal that the older generation will not like certain attitudes and behaviors of the youth because they were not like them when they were young. But those days have gone and things have changed. It will be even worse when the next generation comes up. When the present youth grow old, they will also think the same. We can't blame anyone in this case.

    But I agree earlier when parents or elders say something, children used to obey and were obedient but now children started to question which in a way is good. But questioning always and when t is not required should not be encouraged.

    Regards
    Chitra
    "Do not give up, things might not favour you always"

  • #613350
    Call it generation gap or change of perceptions or whatever you like, but I do feel that the youth of today are indeed losing their manners. I don't want to make a general statement because we still do find youngsters who give importance to values. But if we consider manners to be an accepted (not expected) way of behavior, then we will have to conclude that the youth today is surely lacking in that quality.

    Keeping the instance narrated by Pooja in mind, I would like to say that responding to a call for help from someone need to be given priority. One may not go for it immediately but a response is surely expected. Suppose you are engrossed in a TV show and your parents or siblings ask you something, you will surely respond if you are well mannered. Sitting engrossed in the show and showing some gestures to come later or something of that sort is, no doubt, bad manners. I have observed that the youth today, generally, expects a quick reaction to their needs or queries but do not exhibit the same interest or response when you ask him or her for something.

    Believe me, I have not considered respect as a criteria for assessing good manners at all because it is, I find, immaterial today. But we cannot ignore the vast change in the attitude of youngsters today; being least bothered about anything concerning others is one factor which, I think, is one of the reasons for the youth losing their manners.

    We can console ourselves citing generation gap and saying that it was always there but we need to see things in the right perspective and note that the gap is exceeding the limits to such an extent that, if the trend continues, it won't be very far when a time comes that the gap cannot be bridged.

    'Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance'- Confucius

  • #613352
    I don't think that younger generation is losing manners in any way, it's just that
    1. They are less formal than the generation in which their parents grow up.
    2.The Younger generation today is bold and blunt they love their parents show it when required otherwise just keep it to themselves, unlike the earlier generation who don't even had the courage to talk with their parents while seeing eye to eye( in most of the cases and it was given the name of manner).
    3. Youth today is more friendly to their parents as compared to the earlier generation.

    Although all these points may seem right from one side but may seem wrong from another side. Because older generation once used to think that all these things come under bad behavior and influence of western culture.

    But is being informal, friendly, bold and able to share everything with our parents make us mannerless?
    In Earlier generation parents used to be like teachers and children used to fear them more than respect in many cases, but today's generation does not fear their parents but loves them in a manner which is difficult to understand by their older generation because of the thing called the generation gap.
    Respect and manner are not always shown through formalities like wishing your parents three times a day, become a puppet in front of them and don't express yourself, and saying everything they say is good, correct and true and not able to put your point of view in front of them just because you respect them.
    But today's generation does not believe in showing respect this way (earlier way with fear) but for them, it is shown by doing something which makes their proud and reaching a zenith where their parents are recognized and given respect because of name and fame of their child.
    Today's generation has all those values and morals which their parents put inside them but it's tacit it is not shown through formalities.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #613358
    Duplicate.
    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #613368
    Couple of important points so far, everyone( parents, teachers, mentors and well-wishers) often quote their life experience to highlight or educate the younger ones about an issue when it elicits a different response than the one that they are used to. This is partly because of the difference in generation as Saji Ganesh has mentioned. The youth are not loosing their manners but for most, their perspectives has changed. For this we have understand today's youth.
    Present day youths have grown up with far more interaction with people.friends and neighbours,they have a wide exposure on several issues of daily life via the media and internet.This exposure starts from a very young age. Their peers or idols who influence them a lot have also changed.They are also under pressure from the inside world ( at home) and from the outside world (school,sports,social gatherings). It is intense at times where in they start to a.ignore elders, b.rebel against them or c. lead double lives to avoid being called a boy or girl without good manners.

    What we do need to understand is can we curb their exposure to interact and social platforms, can we modulate their interaction with friends and peers.No,we certainly cannot. So, we need to understand the change and change the way in which we teach or educate them good manners. This would be a slow process and would take time.

  • #613372
    I am removing both you and your father from the equation and posting my response in general.

    In the recent GD, I spoke for the topic, summarising that we are the most important people in our lives. The anecdote presented here represents exactly that.

    The man of the house gets home tired, wants his needs to be attended to. When things don't go as per his intention he accuses his children of being disrespectful. Not a thought that the children could be busy or that the charging the phone could wait. I do not see the scenario as the kids being 'disrespectful'. To me, it is about a flare-up because expectations weren't met and perhaps frustration over other things that are playing on one's mind.

    We humans have a tendency of singling out a soft target and venting our anger on them. Children do not retaliate when accused, but a superior at work would not take it lightly. The outburst would have been a release of pent-up emotions, from what happened at work and coming home to an unkempt house.

    In my view, the problem is not about elders not getting respect. Parents generally, do not grow out of their own 'childhood' days. They always live in that period, forgetting how times have changed. What most parents forget is that their parents would have rattled off similar qualities when reprimanding them. They use the same terminologies that their parents used. It's a cycle and it will only stop when parents begin comparing the scenario back then with the present.

    A delay in handing over the charger is not disrespect. I would think of it as tyranny if children were to jump at every command. Respect must be mutual. A youngster needs respect too – their personal space must be respected.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #613374
    And to you girl, it wouldn't hurt to show a little appreciation and value what your father does. A glass of water when he arrives home, tired, after a long day at work. Give him a smile and a hello or a hot cup of tea. These are thoughtful gestures that should not require any prompting.

    Your father provides for you and whatever you are today is because of his consistent support. Putting aside what you were doing, to chat with him for a while is not asking for too much. I don't think, not doing so is disrespectful, but doing so just makes us better human beings.

    Maybe your father doesn't share everything with you, but that doesn't mean he does not have problems. Spending time with loved ones, even being around them is actually therapeutic. It calms stressed nerves.

    My advice to you is to take time out from your busy schedule to have a word with your father. All, it takes is a few minutes of your time, but it will help strengthen your relationship and relieve him of stress and anxieties that he might be enduring. At times people need a loved one by their side or just someone to talk to. People want to be appreciated and you can show that through small gestures.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #613416
    It is not only today that the youths are behaving like that. Earlier also youths were like that and may be today they are more careless. The young age is like that. They do not understand the love and affection which their parents are showering on them.
    Anyway today youths are more exposed to drugs and other things which are making them weaker and they are always in a phase of hiding something from their parents. They are not as innocent and simple as they appear to their parents.
    Once they are grown up and have their own children and their children behave with them in the same strange ways then they understand the feelings of their parents long back.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #613420
    If a father expects a little bit of attention and mannerism from the child does not mean he is arrogant and over expected. Every parent want their children to be attentive, listen to what the elders say and do the things without retarding back. We should not question the elders what they ask or what they say. Simply do the work what they demanded, you will always be in the good books of elders. One thing sure, elders always think of young ones and their welfare, and if grand children behave nicely with a bonding, the grand father gets bowled over that gesture and he feels proud and pride. Give that chance of impression to happen.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #613481
    I would first thank everybody for such nice and explanatory responses. This was just a question that gets through my mind, and so I thought of having everyone's opinion here. Because it normally happens that when you do not follow what elders say, you will be called mannerless. Though I always try and listen to my father, what he needs, I always take care of his words. But listening to his scoldings often, sometimes make me also to lose my patience.
    I will fully agree with Mr. Partha and Neethu on this part. Mr. Sanskaran gave a sort of technical explanation to me on how the behavior is shared, by us with our friends and then the elders, I fully agree to that too.
    Chitra pointed this out as the generation gap, I could consider this as one of the valid reason.
    Mr. Saji also defined upon my views , and he also felt that youth today are somehow losing their manners.
    "I have observed that the youth today, generally, expects a quick reaction to their needs or queries but do not exhibit the same interest or response when you ask him or her for something." - I will fully agree to this point also that you said. Because I have observed this sort of behavior sometimes in myself as well. But I will not completely agree with your words Sir, because there are still a lot of youngsters who take care of each and every aspect of their family but yes since there is other side of coin to it, it also depends on the type of environment in which they are living. The main thing is that youngsters today have less patience.
    Neelam : also expressed her point on how children today are different from the children of earlier times and that is why the differences are seen a lot. Natarajan validated the point by saying that elders should try and change themselves as per the child. Ms. Juana also nicely expressed her views, first talking about how the manner of a youngster should be measured. In the first paragraph, you went in the favor of youngsters and in the second paragraph of yours, you asked to give some nice gestures to my father. I fully agree with you here too. I will try and improve on that part. Mr. Mohan also expressed his view by telling that we should listen to elders and understand their feelings.
    To everyone: youngsters love their elders as much as the elders do. But if there would be much of scoldings, in spite of the fact that youngsters try to improve on their part, there comes a time when even the youngsters lose their patience. So, I would request elders also to understand their young ones.

    Do what inspires you !!


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