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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What do you think about males who don't let their wives to work(as some profession) after marriage?

    You may have come across many girls nearby you who were working in some company or any other job but after they get married they left their jobs because the family in which they get married was affluent.
    In some cases girls themselves opt to leave jobs to give importance to their family but in most of the cases it is the pressure from husband and in-laws which makes her leave the job and also forces her into the life of housewife and then expect her to do all the chore which they never let their daughters to perform what a dual nature of society?
    Recently among one of my relatives a girl after her marriage got fixed( an arrange marriage) said not to one such marriage because her to be in-laws asked her to leave job as soon as to give her family more priority, and she replied by saying if she will feel she is unable to give importance to her family life she herself will become a housewife but if forced into something like this that then maybe that marriage was not meant for her. And I think she did the right thing what do you think about her decision?
    What do you think of such people? Have you came across anyone like that in your surroundings if yes how their life changed?
  • #614032
    Good on your relative. I applaud her courage and conviction.

    I do not understand why people want to control others. Wanting to work or be a homemaker should be a woman's decision. A husband and his parents cannot or should not dictate these terms to a woman.

    It is obvious that such marriages are of convenience. The man does not want a life partner; he wants a caretaker for his parents and his home. The in-laws too look at the daughter-in-law as a glorified maid. One, who does everything as per their wish. Where is the woman's identity, in all this?

    A couple I know is going through marital problems. She is an atheist, a fact that was known to the man before they were married. Now he wants her to do puja, as per his family custom. Isn't piety something that must come from within?

    I had friends who'd regularly wear shorts and strappy dresses, but when the in-laws visited them, they'd walk a few steps behind, dressed in a sari, head covered. Some might look at it as respect, but I think this is tyranny. Why must someone stop being who they are, just to please others? It is all about control and wanting to subjugate women.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #614034
    May be they can be called as male chauvinism but the situation we have to consider. I myself asked my wife not to go to work after marriage as she was already in a job. This is mainly because of my family situation as my parents are so old and moreover many relatives frequently visiting our house one house person is required. On hearing my explanation my wife and her family members accepted the view of mine and my wife took charge of my family immediately after entering into the house and she did her house management till the last breath of my parents as well her. Mere money earning should not be the motto of sending wife to job. Both family circumstances should be considered before taking any decision.

  • #614037
    Whether to work or not after getting married in one's decision and nobody has to force on it. Your relative did a very good thing. If her to be in-laws start controlling her even before the wedding, then imagine how ruling they would be after she goes to their home. Every women should be given the freedom to decide about her career and in-laws and husband should stand in support for her decision instead of forcing her to stay at home. Women earning is not just to make money but it's even for her own identity and self respect.

  • #614053
    Going for a job after marriage is solely based on the decision of a women. It does not make sense that the women going for job cannot take care of the family. There are many women who manage their career and family equally and living a happy family. A women doesn't go for job only for money or her career growth. Many women go for a job to support her husband and family. She reduces the burden of her husband who is facing all the financial issues alone. There are many men in today's world who supports their wife for going job and they equally participate in managing home. It's good that your relative took this decision. She can also try explaining her fiance and make him understand about her thoughts for a happy and peaceful life.

  • #614062
    Normally in Hindu culture the daughter in law is supposed to look after her husband, his parents and later her children in future. That means she should not have any work commitment after marriage. Now a days all the going to be bride are educated and they are doing great jobs with great salaries. Suddenly if they are asked to leave the job means, they are committed to their seat with agreement and that can be explained to the in laws. At least during that period let the daughter in law earn some money for her because later she need not depend on others for money. In this regard husband must also understand the plight of the wife and request his parents to consider working until agreement period with the company is over.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #614151
    There was a time when marriage was done for reproduction and running a household. Today situation is totally changed. An educated and qualified girl will like to do a job of her choice rather to work in house. It is a natural thing. When males have the prerogative of running the enterprises why women are left behind.
    The question comes - who will run the house?
    The answer is very simple either share the household chorus or hire domestic servants.
    This is a reality today and not accepting it will be like burying your head in the sand.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #614156
    I believe the freedom should be given to the women to decide whether she wants to work or not after the marriage. It's good that the people asked her before marriage itself and the to-be bride could take a stand of her own.

    The situation differs from person to person's family, so before marriage itself, if these things are questioned and honest answers are given, a decision can be taken accordingly. After marriage, if the husband gives the freedom to his wife to decide how she would like to manage things it would be better.

    If the husband doesn't want his wife to work after marriage then things should be cleared before itself. It's really disheartening when the parents spend a lot of money to educate their girls and finally, after marriage, they are forced not to work. Everything goes in vain, so it's better if there is mutual understanding between husband and wife.

  • #614159
    The right to work or to stay at home should be an individual's decision. I think it is fine to consult the husband, but why seek his approval? Why should the man give "freedom to his wife". She is his life partner for heaven's sake, not his slave.

    A woman has an identity, other than being a wife. And no one should have the right to take that from her. No one should decide what she should and should not do.

    Household chores should be a shared responsibility. Raising children is also a shared responsibility. The woman is a wife, not a servant. If she chooses to work she has every right to. Yes, family and other responsibilities are there, but why should a woman have to sacrifice her ambitions and desires to make a man's family comfortable? If she wants to do it, she must do it out of her own free will. Not because it is her duty.

    When men set terms and conditions before marriage they are not looking for a wife, all they want is a marriage of convenience, with benefits - so their obligations are looked after. If one girl refuses, they'll go look for another suitable alliance where the woman agrees to put his needs before hers.

    I am sorry, but this concept of marriage that transforms an educated woman into a glorified maid is outdated. It is when women are expected to do things that bitterness sets in. It is when the husband and his parents outline her duties that a marriage becomes a business proposition.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak" - Michael Garrett Marino

  • #614187
    Working after marriage or not working after marriage is the decision of the individual. Nobody can force somebody to work or not to work.These days many people after marriage getting separated from their families because of the professional requirements or personal requirements. So whether one has to work or not is to be decided by the two partners. In-laws in many cases are not staying with their sons. So after marriage job is purely a decision between the wife and the husband. I know many both working couples. My brother's daughter was an Engineer. We have seen her a good match. The boy is an M.Tech and working in a government undertaking. All points are over we have decided to go ahead. There was an argument between the girl's mother and boy's mother regarding the working of the girl. At that time the girl is not working anywhere. I told both of them Why to discuss this point now. After marriage, both of them are going to their place. They may not be staying with anyone of you. This is a decision to be taken by them if she gets a job. Both of them kept quiet. After marriage, the girl got a good job and both of them are happy and doing well. On this topic, others discussion and decision are not required. The partners can discuss and take a decision.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #614208
    We had a similar discussion on the patriachial scoeity. The concept of women should not work after marriage depends on deep rooted views in traditional families and social implications in affulent families. This does not arise in many average/middle class families as given the cost of living,the couple should work to meet the demands. Gone are the days when we could run the family with one person earning unless we have family wealth behind us.
    Women after marriage should have the opportunity to work and depending on the needs and support at home they can work full time or pastime. Commonly what happens is after the arrival of the first child, many mothers take a short career break and then come back to work. Times are changing, must appreciate the courage your friend has shown.


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