We have two eyes, two hands, two legs etc. We never have to choose one and lose the other. Each one are given their role by habit or by our own inborn nature. At times each of them have their separate roles, and at other times both have to work in tandem or as a pair. For example we use right hand for eating food, left hand for scratching our head or for cleaning purposes. We usually use one particular leg for kicking a football, and use the other one for a particular leaning posture. But when we clap or say namaste, we use both hands in tandem. Similarly when we do weightlifting we use both feet . The body needs both, and body assigns them their roles too. The reflex and repair mechanism of our body comes to support and supplement the other when one is incapacitated or becomes weak.
A man after marriage should function like the body,understanding the underlying difference and commonness between the two- wife and mother. One is past and continuous, the other is present and future continuous. If he is very clear about their role and importance then no husband need be confused.
A mother can take up almost all the roles a woman plays in a man's life:- mother, sister, friend, Nurse. But she cannot take the role of a wife. Against this, a wife can complete all the roles- friend, sister, companion, nurse mother and wife. So a good wife is superior to a mother in this regard. The mother and the man(husband) should know this difference.
The wife is like a new recruit in an office, employed taking into consideration her specific additional qualifications. But just with that qualification, the new recruit cannot take over the office from the first day. The new entrant needs familiarisation and guidance about the culture, habits and tradition of the organisation. He/she has to acclimatise gradually taking the help from seniors,respecting them, and slowly ensuring and assuring them by performance efficiency that the organisation/unit/department is safe in his/her hands. Then the seniors will give the new person higher responsibility one by one.
The new person should see that this comes not by confrontation or demand and command, but by confidence building. The efficiency of the new recruit is how fast this is accomplished smoothly.
The mother and wife should each know or be made aware that it is a relay race where, for a smooth hand over of the baton both runners have to run together for some length at the same pace and change batons. Staying happily with mother and wife for a man is like staying happily in an apartment. Appearing separate and private, but as a team when needed, with co-operation always.
At least from now on let this question of choice never appear.