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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is the role of parents gradually getting diminished in finding a suitable matrimonial match?

    Earlier it was considered the duty and responsibility of the parents to raise their children, get them educated and later find a suitable match to get them married. A lot of efforts used to be made in this direction. Generally, the relatives and friends were also involved in the whole process and finally with the God's grace, the suitable matrimonial match was identified by the parents to solemnise the marriage.

    However, it is observed that nowadays the role of the parents in finding matrimonial matches for their children is gradually getting diminished and children themselves are finding their match. Not only that even the parents have accepted the changed scenario and have surrendered to the circumstances. Many of them are even encouraging their children to find their match themselves.

    What are your observations in this regard?
  • #633957
    As far as the marriage of children is considered there has been a paradigm shift in whole of the tradition and procedure involved in the matching process.

    Today the young people have their own liking and priorities and they do not want their parents to search a match for them.

    This could be due to a financial angle or criterion of physical looks but whatever it is, the youngsters will like to have their own decisions.

    The parents have also seen this changed scenario and accepted the consequences. They may not like it from their heart but apparently they are agreeing with their offshoots.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #633961
    Today the world has come closer as well as has become more open.

    The current generation has got more differences with the previous generations & doesn't want intervention but would like to have independency for their decisions. Now slowly this has been understood & is being implemented with different family members. The same is the case of marriages. We used to have the "pundit", who used to list the proposals along with the final settlement till the marriage has taken place. But today & in contrast today we have matrimonial sites listing the individuals with details. After shortlisting we have the facility of verification of those details through personal meetings.

    So a lot has been changed in a duration of time that goes along with the taste of the current generation. So far this remains ok till the overall objective of being living a happy & satisfied life is furnished.

  • #633983
    To certain extent I agree with the author that some of the professional boys and girls are more confident and have trust in the decision to have the life partner on their own without disturbing the parents in this regard. Though parents do interfere and ask the children to get married soon, the son or daughter keeps postpone on the pretext that the time is not ripe for marriage. Meanwhile they are actually gauging and looking into possible alliance or marriage proposal with some one they like and love. Here the region, religion does not matter and only the mind will speak and heart listens and accepts.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #633993
    There has been a total shift of the convention earlier employed in the selection of bride/ bride- grooms where the parents were deeply involved for the right selection of partner for their children. The children did not raise any voice against such steps with which the parents were engrossed.
    With the progress of time, we can see the tremendous changes in the attitudes of children. They would not like to have any interference of their closed relatives especially when it is a case of marriage - alliance. Any advancement made by the parents are refused on some pretexts or the other. When the negotiation of the marriage of such children is near culmination, they hesitantly pass on the developments to their parents. There is no option for the parents but to accept the proposal and finally the same is approved.

  • #633994
    I think we have reached a phase in the middle-class families wherein we should be happy if our children tell us that they are getting married to so and so. With the changing scenarios in the family, the education, first job, dreams of overseas jobs, the influence of peers and movies, the roles of parents have certainly modified.

    Today, there are enough reasons for children to be more independent, more outgoing, more firm about their decisions and choice related to marriage. Inter-caste and inter-religious marriages that were a taboo are now more a reality.

    Earlier matches would come after an initial scrutiny of the ones given by the marriage agent or relatives, then the family would see the bride at a temple, then the details would be passed on to the young ones. Now, the steps are skipped.

    As parents, the issue of prestige, status, and class is slowly dwindling with regards to marriage alliances.I've seen arranged marriages spectacularly failing and difficult love marriages going strong, so, this should fine as long as it's not a hasty decision by the children due to which all concerned have to suffer.

  • #634021
    Earlier, due to the prevalent dowry system, settlement of many matrimonial matches used to be an outcome of the bargaining for the dowry amount. Nowadays, social evil of dowry has gone up to a large extent as the girls have started earning and thus they themselves have become much more than a dowry.
    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #634024
    Yes, this is because of the following:
    1.Parents are getting tired as there is no match available for their son/daughter aligned with their expectations
    2.Children are very fast as they fix their alliances by themselves, so parents are seeking alliances with fear in their mind.
    3.Girls are with much expectation like own house, hefty salary, total freedom from husband's side, no parents or sisters or brothers from other side etc., This makes worry in Girl's parents side.
    4. Boys also fallen in love somebody or thinking somebody in mind refuse or neglect the parents alliance search.

  • #634154
    It is true. The role of parents in the issues related to marriage is definitely coming down. Whether it is an arranged marriage or a love marriage the role of parents is very minimal. My grandfather (My mother's father) got married at his 7th year and my grand mother's age was 5 years at that time. They don't even know what is the issue and what is happening there. There was a black and white photo taken on the occasion of the marriage after completion of the entire programme. So the marriage is completely organised by the elders only. But slowly the trend is changed and now in the majority of cases, there is no role to the parents except telling YES to the proposals made by the children and the people who are going to get married. There is a sea change. If parents don't say yes to the proposal the children will go ahead with their actions and there is no alternative is left with the parents except saying ok.
    drrao
    always confident


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