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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Is there a perfect family or marriage?

    Watching movies that have the perfect parents, children, spouse and in-laws make me wonder is it really possible to have the perfect marriage or a perfect family. When we look at reality, every day in the news and papers we see or hear about family issues spilling out in the open resulting in bad blood betweenmembers leading to violence, filing of cases and even murders.

    I always grew up hearing about how a good family or a perfect family should be, how a perfect son should be. But over the years, we've realized that we are off the mark. When we such disparity between the real life and the reel life, it makes us feel a little sad. Perhaps as children grow up, we need to prepare their minds in a way that they realize that in real life arguments, disagreements, fights etc are integral to family life and teach them how to overcome it rather than letting them dwell in it.

    It may sound odd but we need to tell them the truth that a perfect marriage or family is often a myth, what is true is people in the family or marriage have problems and issues that can be handled and settled with time, dialogue and maturity. This would also enable the children to have realistic expectations, so that they don't become extremely agitated or angered when they are let down.
  • #634636
    Natarajan Sir, this is the most common perception, but sometimes very close to reality as well.

    One of the main reasons, in my opinion is that we do not have much of time left, every day, to understand each other, as husband and wife. We miss the time that our parents had, but then, there was no TV, no whats up or Facebook or the internet.

    All the new IT related things, particularly the mobile phones have become our most important obsession. Each one of us is guilty and we keep posting stupid things in what's up groups, as if it were our only job!!!

    Secondly, thanks to all the media exposure, and the peer group pressure, our children live in a different world altogether. Love affairs are now so common even in standard seven. We are either unaware of all that is going on, or do not have any time to even think about what to do. The teachers also seem to be helpless, as they have too many things to do, anyway.

    What is missing is the closeness that we, who are now fifty or sixty plus in terms of age, had with our parents decades ago. Children today do not need any advise and hate to be advised. The "I-know-everything" attitude pervades every single moment their life.

    Thirdly, try as hard as we might, life in cities like Bangalore, Chennai, Mumbai, New Delhi and Kolkatta has become so complex that we are sucked into the complexities every minute of our life. Traffic jams for example. Office politics ( particularly at the Managerial levels) for example. We are influenced by all this and then when we get home, ventilate all our anger on whomsoever is available at some point in time, in our houses.

    Fourthly, we have lost touch with our religious practices. It is extremely important to believe in God, follow at least some rituals, keep going to our native places once in a way and so on. We may still not the best of families, but we might be marching at least to some extent, and possible will play catch up, if luck is on our side, in terms of good circumstances.

    Please do give all attention to planning the future of your children, and trying to spend as much quality time as possible, at least on the dining table. Yes, there are huge distractions. Like the CSK IPL match. But we still need to find a way out.

    And please do remember to maintain all links with your relatives and your native place. This will act as a cushion in these tough times.

  • #634637
    No gas in the universe is an ideal gas. The characteristics of an ideal gas were discussed and some theories were made by scientists. But in reality, bo gas behave exactly as expected in case of an ideal gas.
    Same is the case in family and marriage also. When there are two heads definitely there will be a difference in their thought process. But adjustment and compromise will make the families and marriages stay together. A movie is different. There the characters will think as decided by the Director. But in real life, nobody can control your thoughts and action. A family and marriage may be going together with a small compromise here and there will last long. So It is always advisable to teach our children about the requirements of compromise and adjustment for a happy together and if they practice it they will end up with a happy family and married life. When
    the husband is serious the wife should be a little passive and when the wife is serious the husband should maintain a low profile. Then they will have a long and prosperous life.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #634643
    Natarajan,
    There is no perfect marriage and no perfect family. Even the Gods who said to have created us had problems. Lord Brahma was insulted by Lord Karthikeya. Lord Muruga got annoyed when Lord Shiva handed over a Mango fruit brought by Narada was given to Lord Ganesh as a winner of the competition to come around the world. Muruga left his parents wearing a Langode and settled in Pazhani hills. Lord Krishna's wife Rukmini and Bama were not cooperative. Bama was jealous of Rukhmini. Parvathi had problem with Siva and left home to meet her father. Even in Puranas like Ramayana and Mahabharatha, there were misunderstandings between husband and wife, family feud between the cousins. Many such things can be quoted for reference.

    While it is so, how do you expect human beings to have a perfect marriage and perfect family?

    No life without Sun

  • #634657
    I'm glad that the replies have said no. Then why do we all yearn for that, a perfect son/daughter-in-law, a perfect husband/wife, a perfect set of children/parents?

    We can instead, instill the young minds about the dynamics of family interactions, the difficult times and how to cope with these situations, how not to have high expectations for that rosy ever elusive sugar coated families that we often see in the movies,

  • #634668
    "All happy families are alike. But every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way".

    Misfortunes come in different shapes and sizes. So many families are unhappy. Reason? Countless. But misunderstanding and inability to understand contribute to unhappiness the most in modern families. Repair the relations. Try to mend the misunderstanding.
    Your family will be happy. Not forever but who wants to live happily forever ?
    Too much sweet tastes bitter.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #634674
    A family cannot be happy for forever for many reasons. Because members of the family are different, their goals are different, their tastes are different and their dreams are different. In that context, sometimes same ideas may not sync with all and the difference of opinion erupts. One of my friends relative son was kept on postponing his marriage by rejecting each and every marriage proposal by citing one reason or the other. At one stage his age has gone up and even second hand proposals have become difficult. Now he has crossed over 48 and no marriage so far and keep on repenting for rejecting the past alliance.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #634701
    There is nothing that we referred to as the perfect except that "Power" who has created this whole cosmos. Although this is not the topic of discussion so I am leaving this here.

    One thing is to be noted that, in the starting of each programs we are informed of the fact that any character or the story is a work of fiction & doesn't carry the real life scenario or the incidences. Although in some way & still could be related but denied on reality grounds.

    On an above the authors of different submissions are not cleared or having a doubt of being happy. No one talked of "Satisfaction" & "Understanding". If we carry with these two only then we would possible be delighted from within. But instead each one of us is mixed up with their problems & desires. With a simple reason that if we continue to move towards the opposite directions then we only having more differences & the more differences will lead us to more tensions within us. Not to tell that impact of this would be far reaching to anything harmful which can land us to the state of miserable or regretful.

    Each time expecting others to get bowed down to us is not a god strategy but let the things be visa versa too.


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