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Jokes here !
Posted Date:
19 Dec 2007
Total Responses:
13
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Posted By: BHARATH Member Level: Gold Points: 3
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What is the time?
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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Responses
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| Author: BHARATH 19 Dec 2007 | Member Level: Gold | Rating:  Points: 5 | Doctors meeting ....
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
| | Author: BHARATH 19 Dec 2007 | Member Level: Gold | Rating: Points: 5 | Passing an exam
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
| | Author: BHARATH 19 Dec 2007 | Member Level: Gold | Rating: Points: 5 | I often feel guilty
Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"
| | Author: BHARATH 19 Dec 2007 | Member Level: Gold | Rating: Points: 5 | Crazy people talk:-
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
regards
Bharath
| | Author: BHARATH 19 Dec 2007 | Member Level: Gold | Rating: Points: 5 | Fixing an ailment :-
hi all am bharath please post a reply ?
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.
When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.
The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.
This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
| | Author: Arun Jadhav 04 Jan 2008 | Member Level: Diamond | Rating: Points: 5 | Below is a passage written by a candidate in an examination on a cow.
Question:Write an essay on the cow.
Answer:
The cow is a successfal animal than ox because he is a female.He give milk,but it is only when he got child.He is same like god to Hindus and useful to man.
He got four legs,two are forward and two are afterward.The whole body can be utilised.Ghee, butter,curd and condensed milk come from cow.
His motion is very slow because of his huge body.His other motion is used as fertilizer and flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun.Cow is the only animal that again eats its feeding after eating with his teeth whom are situated inside the mouth. She got tails in which there are hairs.It frightens the flies on his body with the hairs on the tails.
| | Author: Saranya 25 May 2008 | Member Level: Diamond | Rating: Points: 2 | Hi Bharath,
Very nice jokes.
I enjoyed a lot.
Keep posting.
Regards,
Saranya...
| | Author: Saranya 25 May 2008 | Member Level: Diamond | Rating: Points: 2 | Why you posted everything in the same thread Bharath?
| | Author: Vedha 04 Jun 2008 | Member Level: Silver | Rating: Points: 2 | Yeah, you could probably post them all in different threads...so people can actually get more visibility.
| | Author: Vellamji 04 Jun 2008 | Member Level: Gold | Rating: Points: 2 | bharath nice and fuuny jokes.
| | Author: Jaydev Pawar 04 Jun 2008 | Member Level: Silver | Rating: Points: 2 | funny be continue jocking
| | Author: b.thirumaya prabhu 06 Jun 2008 | Member Level: Gold | Rating: Points: 2 | very very fun joke.
| | Author: Saranya 06 Jun 2008 | Member Level: Diamond | Rating: Points: 2 | Post this in resources - entertainment.
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