| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Two horses
Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution , How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i will keep the white .
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Air travel
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Kaun Banega Crorepati with Santa Singh
We have our famous friend Santa Singh qualifying for the hot seat. ( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).
Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here with us.
Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte aaj. Tusi start karo ji.
Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa this is your first question for 1000 Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are:
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa : Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question
Amitabh Bachchan : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can take your time.
Santa (giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to use my lifeline.
Amitabh Bachchan : I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.
Santa : Audience poll
Amitabh Bachchan : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%
Amitabh Bachchan : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.
Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience ne. I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.
Amitabh Bachchan : Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa : Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj isko. Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.
Amitabh Bachchan : Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of using all the lifelines in the very first question.This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa : My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.
Amitabh Bachchan : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye. Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'
Amitabh Bachchan : Hello Banta ji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke Kaun Banega Crorepati se.
Banta : OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein.... #_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.
Amitabh Bachchan : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta (Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga, khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.
Amitabh Bachchan : Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa : Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta : Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez pehen gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.
Amitabh Bachchan: Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa : Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).
Banta : Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska answer mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer Punjab hai lallu.
Santa : oye par ......... (and the clock stops).
Amitabh Bachchan : Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka confidence hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa : Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.
And this was the last episode of KBC as most of the audience died laughing...
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardarji and cricket match
Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...
First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper.
Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.
Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle.
Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"
Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it had I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.
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Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England. One of the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Devine !". Sardarji thinks to himself - "How poetic !". Sardar also wants to say a rhyming sentence. He tells the British ambassador sitting next to him, "Pass the custard you bastard".
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns a apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions wheter these apples are sweet or sour, tell them some are some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.
Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.Sardarji replied, some are some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not take some body else take.
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GAMBLER Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday."
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
"But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
"Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
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ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..
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Transferring Files
Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.
1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.
2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.
3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.
4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option!!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Smart Sardarji:
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Race to the Sun:
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must an swer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
Finally, there was an Sardar who offered
to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
agreed to do anything.
"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
"Bring it back to vertical position" the Sardar said.
The engineers did.
"Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
rocket took off and flew into outer space!
Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
what to do. He replied -
"It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
Bajaj scooters in India".
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
#
Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says.
"This is Santa Singh down in Chandigadh, Punjab. I am
ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on
you!"
"Well, Santa Singh," Bill replies, "This indeed is important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Santa Singh after a moments
calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Banta Singh, my
next door neighbour Gurjinder and the entire Kabbadi team
from the Village. That makes 8!"
Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa Singh that I
have 1million men in my army waiting to move on my word."
"OK," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Santa Singh calls back. "Right Mr.
Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire
some equipment!"
"What equipment would that be, Santa Singh?" Bill asks.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gill's
tractor from the farm." Once more Bill sighs and says, "I
must tell you Santa Singh that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000
mine layers,10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to
1 and a half million since we last spoke." "I'll be dogged!"
says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Santa Singh calls again the next day."Right Mr.
Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to get
ourselves airborne! We've gotten out old Govind's crop
sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the
Hockey team has joined us as well!"
Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Santa Singh
that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverability
attack planes and my military installations are surrounded
by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last
spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Oh cripes," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back."
Santa Singh calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Clinton, I
am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm very happy to hear that," says Bill. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," says Santa Singh, "We've all had a chat and to be
sure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Banta Singh, wanting to rob State Bank of Patiala, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." on the back of a deposit slip. While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that some-one had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the bank and crossed the street to State Bank of India. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the SBI teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a State Bank of Patiala deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a State Bank of India deposit slip or go back to State Bank of Patiala. Looking somewhat defeated, Banta said "OK" and left. The SBI teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at State Bank of Patiala.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Santa Singh was traveling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"
The rest is history.
He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied" I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night. The Owner replied," I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up"
Daughters?". The Owner asked, "WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted
to stay here for a night....."
The rest is history.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Cousin Banta
Jallandhar
Dear Banta,
I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We
don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents
happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that
lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change
their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts
in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since.
Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and
five days the second time.
I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it
would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets.
We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the
last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!
My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy
or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.
Uncle Balbir fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him
out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
three days.
Cousin Santa
Ludhiana.
P.S : I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope,
but I had already sealed this by then.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# There was once a competition involving three gruelling tests. The participants had to do the following in immediate succession:
1.) Drink five bottles of hard whiskey in one go
2) Enter a room where there was a starving lion and pluck out its eyes with bare hands.
3) And then screw a very horny babe to her full satisfaction.
Many people bravely tried their hands (or should I say mouths) at it. Few could get beyond the first stage. And the inebriated few who managed it, got promptly eaten up by the starving lion. There was none who could read the third stage.
And then, one fine day, a nonchalant Sardar walked into the contest. Five bottles of whiskey were nothing for him. He emptied five bottles in five gulps. Then he said, "Bhale change hai hum, thagde hai. Bathao, lion kahan hai." When shown the room, he coolly walked in. There was no hint of fear on his face, but rather the cool confidence of a person who knew he could do it.
Sounds of a mammoth fight came from the room. Screams of the Sardar and growls of the lion were intermingled. Thumps and thuds which shook the very earth ensued. All of a sudden there was a piercing, heart-rending roar from the Lion. The audience waited with bated breath, their hair stood on end. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the titanic roar stopped. An eerie silence prevailed.
As the audience watched, with eyes popping out, the door of the room opened, and out came the Sardar. Badly bruised, with blood streaming from his face, hands and legs, he stumbled out - victorious, nevertheless. His face had the glow of satisfaction of an emperor who had just won a battle.
And then he asked, "Where is the woman whose eyes I have to pluck out?"
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Then there were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh.
Both of them bought a horse each.
"How will we know which
is your & which is mine?" asked Zail.
"Easy"replied Jarnail.
"I'll cut mine's tail,yours will be the one with tail"
This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too.
Next morning the confusion continued.
"Don't worry "retorted Jarnail.
"I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without
the bell."
The boys heard this also & cut the bell.
The next day, Zail got frustrated & said
"Okay now the last criterion,
white will be yours & black will be mine."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Mr.Thadani, a middle-aged Sindhi, is on a plane for Hongkong, in a window seat.
Just before take-off, this HUGE Sardar wearing a beautiful suit walks up and sits down beside him.
A few minutes later, the plane takes off.
All is well For a while.
But then, Mr.Thadani realizes that he has to go to the washroom.
That wouldn't be a problem,but he looks over and notices that the Sardar beside him is sound asleep, and Mr.Thadani, being a meek man is afraid to disturb him.
So he figures he'll hold it in till Sardarji wakes up.
But as luck would have it, the Sardar just keeps snoring away, and Mr. Thadani is feeling increasingly more uncomfortable.
After a while, he starts to feel nauseous as well, what from holding it in combined with the plane ride.
He tries and tries to hold it in, but then "AAARRGGHH!!"--he throws up all over the Sardar and his beautiful suit.
He thinks, "Oh, no! Now he's gonna kill me!" and sits there in apprehension waiting for the Sardar to wake up.
Finally, the Sardar wakes up, and finds all this vomit all over him. Mr. Thadani says to him, "Well, do you fell better now?"
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Turban Pore [Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time. Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete with a world champion' Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?' Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!' Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh. Banta : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed..... Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# Money Needed
Santa Singh needed some money desperately.
Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.
Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him. After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa. He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.
Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# Wrong Answer
Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Treatment One man went to consult as he is very thin and doesn't grow well after having enough food, after diagnosis doctor said there is a worm inside his stomach it eats everything you eat and the man asked for the treatment. Doctor prescribed the treatment "From tomorrow onwards when you come to see myself come with a banana and an apple". The net day he came with a banana and an apple. Doctor told him to eat the banana and insert the apple through his back hole. After one month treatment there is no change except size of the back hole increased so that the apple can be thrown through the hole freely. He told the doctor " Doctor there is no change in my physical condition after one month of treatment " Doctor told him "when you come tomorrow come with a banana and a hammer instead of apple". The next day he came with banana and the hammer. Doctor let the man to eat the banana first and wait for a five minutes while the worm come out from his stomach and told the ill fated patient "You idiot trying to change my diet , where is my apple??" At the very moment the doctor thrashed the worm with the hammer and the insect dead.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# One more Plane Crash Garbachan singh was travelling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".
# A Plane journey A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".
# Crime Story "I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".
# New House Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".
# Salt Seller
Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
One more Plane Crash
Garbachan singh was traveling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
# Rechecking Answers
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers.
#
Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar.
#
13th Floor
One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
#
Phone Book
A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book."
#
Cows Don't Fly
A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."
#
Dark Room
Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to
give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
#
Salt Seller
Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 18 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
*
Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"
* BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!
* BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL. Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Beppo Singh: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
*
BEPPO SINGH'S MOTHER DIED. Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. After 2 minutes Beppo Singh cries even louder Friend: what now? Beppo Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!
* BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON. Beppo Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Beppo Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
* BEPPO SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR. Lotta Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure. Beppo Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour.
They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form.
So the couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?" Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination.
On the next day, they find the same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form.
So once again young couple curiously asked - "What are you doing here?"
Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.
The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi?
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble.
His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble.
He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray........... "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple..................... "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving.
I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord: "SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST".
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force award .
The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission.
He who captures an adult Lion and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be adjudged the best.
First Scotland Yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up.
Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion.
Lastly the sardar brigade goes in. 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our sardarjis.
The judges give up and decide to search for them.
They go into the forest.
After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree.
The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting,"Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@! You are a lion)
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle.
The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters.
They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters.
Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head.
Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali.
"Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same.They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters.
The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names.
The Punjabi was stuck.
He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name.
He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions 'Answer in brief'.
<< Back To Sardarji Jokes Index
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon.
We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
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| Author: Raghav 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Gold Points : 2 |
Here is a Joke.
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR:
Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-India plane. He was allotted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually meant for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".
The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess
came and requested the sardari to leave that seat. But sardarji was adamant and did not to leave. Then the air hostess
went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji, and the sardarji immediately left the side
seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt.what he told to the Sardarji Capt. replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
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| Author: Raghav 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Gold Points : 2 |
Some more jokes on Sardarji.
1. Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
2. Smart Sardarji:
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
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| Author: Raghav 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Gold Points : 2 |
Another Joke.
Race to the Sun:
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
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| Author: Raghav 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Gold Points : 2 |
Some more jokes on Sardarji.
1. Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
2. Smart Sardarji:
A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
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| Author: Raghav 19 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Gold Points : 2 |
Another Joke
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Once upon a time there was an archery contest.
The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!
The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!
Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM…… SORRY
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Wife asks Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A Muslim, A Madrasi and A Sardarji working in a company were really frustrated as everyday in their Tiffins the same things were packed. One day they decide that if the next day the same thing is there they would commit suicide. The next day when they open their tiffins they are depressed and the muslim jumps out the window and dies. same thing is done by the madrasi and the sardarji.
On the 13th day when their wives meet they discuss among themseleves why they did so.
The Muslim's wife says if he would have told me not to give mutton i would have prepared some thing else.
The madrasi says if once my hubby would have told me not to give idli i would have given him something else,why he had to commit suicide.
The Sardarji's wife was a bit confused and surprised. On asking about his husband she replies," I didn't understand why sardarji committed suicide, he used to prepare his own tiffin everyday"
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Then there were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh.
Both of them bought a horse each.
"How will we know which
is your & which is mine?" asked Zail.
"Easy"replied Jarnail.
"I'll cut mine's tail,yours will be the one with tail"
This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too.
Next morning the confusion continued.
"Don't worry "retorted Jarnail.
"I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without
the bell."
The boys heard this also & cut the bell.
The next day, Zail got frustrated & said
"Okay now the last criterion,
white will be yours & black will be mine."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the man, puzzled.”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar jokes-Engine failure
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines.”An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left.”A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar jokes-Puzzle
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, “51 days! 51 Days!!” About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, “51 days!51 days!!The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, “What on earth are you doing??”"Well,” the Sardar says, “everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar jokes-Going home early
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar jokes-Hanging for life
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn?t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar jokes - Weight loss
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he wouldlose 34 kilos.
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a problem.”What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.I’m 2400 kms from home.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar jokes-Santa in heaven
Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.2. How many seconds are there in a year?Santa thought for a few minutes and answered…1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?”Santa replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”Saint Peter lets him in without another word”
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 20 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Short sardar jokes - santa banta
Enjoy 5 short sardar jokes !? Q: How do you recognize a Santa’s son in School?A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.? Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?Banta: Me too, after you leave.? Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one.”Wife: I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.? Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.Santa: I think I’ll take the money.? The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defendin’. I’m the person who done it.
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| Author: D. Jaya Lakshmi 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Silver Points : 2 |
The jokes were very funny.Keep posting the Sardar jokes like this.They help the people to feel stress free by reading this funny jokes
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
thnk u jaya lakshmi
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one
runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"
Exclaimed the Sardar
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar
: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Srdr I haven't slept all night in the train.
Frnd why?
Srdr Got upper berth.
Frnd Why didn't you exchange seats?
Srdr oye, there was nobody to exchange with in
the lower berth..
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India
after Every 10 sec a Woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar had twins he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED
& RETIRED!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says 'CHIN YU YAN' and dies.
Srdr goes to china to find meaning of his
friend's last words.
. it is 'YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN PIPE !!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes
walking at evening not
In the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai
Manmohan is PM not AM''.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar's wish when i die, I wana die like my
grandpa who died Peacefully in his sleep,
not screaming like all the passengers in the car
he was driving..
Sardar at an Art Gallery I suppose this horrible
looking thing is What you call modern art ?
Art dealer I beg your pardon sir, that is a
mirror!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13 th October Which year? Sardar : Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
Manager asked to sardar at an interview Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner? Wife: No! Why? Sardar: In Londona lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Air travel
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told :"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
- O Yaar, what ever you order first will come
first.
Postman- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver This packet to you
Sardar- Why did you come so far. You could have
posted it....
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.
Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question
paper is leaking...
Sardar told his servant Go and water the plants.
Servant It"s Already raining.
Sardar So what, take an umbrella and go.
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar had twins he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED
& RETIRED!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out,
climbs tree, sits on the Branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr"I've been promoted to branch manager."
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as
to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote Yes!
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 21 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Sardar had twins he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again the same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED
& RETIRED!
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| Author: D. Jaya Lakshmi 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Silver Points : 2 |
Lawyers are disbarred.
Ministers are defrocked.
Electricians are delighted.
Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented.
Drunks are distilled.
Alpine climbers are dismounted.
Piano tuners are unstrung.
Orchestra leaders are disbanded.
Artists' models are deposed.
Cooks are deranged.
Dressmakers are unbiased.
Nudists are redressed.
Office clerks are defiled.
Mediums are dispirited.
Programmers are decoded.
Accountants are discredited.
Holy people are disgraced.
Pastry chefs are deserted.
Perfume makers are dissented.
Students are degraded.
Electricians are refused.
Bodybuilders are rebuffed.
Underwear models are debriefed
Painters are discolored.
Spinsters are dismissed.
Judges are disappointed.
Vegas dealers are discarded.
Mathematicians are discounted.
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| Author: D. Jaya Lakshmi 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Silver Points : 2 |
You want to know who is Rajanikanth....here are the facts
Rajanikanth makes onions cry
Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,......... .... he turns the dark off.
When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.
Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.
Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.
When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult
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| Author: D. Jaya Lakshmi 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Silver Points : 2 |
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
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| Author: D. Jaya Lakshmi 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Silver Points : 2 |
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
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| Author: D. Jaya Lakshmi 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Silver Points : 2 |
Astrological Prayers
Aries
Dear God, please give me patience... And could you do it right now?
***********
Taurus
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.
***********
Gemini
Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God?
***********
Cancer
Dear God!!!
***********
Leo
Yes?
***********
Virgo
Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time.
***********
Libra
Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best?
***********
Scorpio
Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the b*****ds don't deserve it!
***********
Sagittarius
Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating.
***********
Capricorn
Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else!
***********
Aquarius
Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!!
***********
Pisces
Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
good work
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one
question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the
iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the
Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that
this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people
died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered,
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
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| Author: CONFIDENCE IS THE COMPANION OF SUCCESS 22 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 2 |
Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of
my dreams, finally, the love of my life !" she announces to the
surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is
only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and
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