| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Did you hear about the latest tragedy in Bihar? There was a terrible power failure in a large shopping mall, people were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Laloo was going to somewhere through plane. Air hostess asks him "Are you a vegetarian?? He replied "nahi hum to parliamentarian hai." Air hostess again asked "nahi sir, mera matlab hai, Aap shakahari hai ya masahari???" Laloo boola "na to hum shakahari hun na hum masahari hum to behari hun."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Bhola spoke frantically on the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" Bhola shouted. "This is her husband!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A Passenger once asked the railway officer, "Why do u keep the time-table for trains if they don't come on time?"
The railway officer replied, "How can we know that they're late!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to do modelling. On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, third from left
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he had been working on for quite some time, Laloo proudly shows off his puzzle to a friend.
"It took me only 5 months to do it,"
Laloo brags
"Five months? That's too long", the friend exclaims.
"You are a fool, " Laloo replies " See this Carton, it is written, for 4 - 7 years"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
At a bar in New York the man to the Laloos left tells the bartender, "Johnnie Walker, Single" and the mans companion says, "Jack Daniels, Single". The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, And you sir." Laloo replies " Laloo Yadav, married"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Bholaji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Bholaji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Bholaji : 'What problem?'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Q: What do you call a sardarji in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector.
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Q: Why did the sardarji take his typewriter to the doctor ??
A: He thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Q. Why is it good to have a desi friend ?
A. You can get your assignments done.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
This was in 1988 during Rajiv Gandhi and Zial Haq days. Once when RG went to Pakistan on a state visit , ZH showed him the state of the art telephone system of Pakistan. RG even made a call to hell and spoke to his mother Indira Gandhi for about 10 minutes. The bill came to just 1 pakistani rupee. RG was highly impressed by Pakistan's telephone system and after coming back to India ordered the ministry of communications to come up with equally good system in record time so that he too can show it to ZH when he makes a return visit to India after a couple of months. Indeed when ZH came to India , RG showed him the telephone system. ZH spoke to Bhutto in hell for about 10 minutes. The bill came to 300 indian rupees. ZH made a sarcastic remark about the cost of the call to hell being so expensive . RG was furious and wanted to know why the call to hell was so expensive. The engineers immediately came up with the reason. A call to hell from India is a long distance call,but from Pakistan its a local call only.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Once a desi Indian fellow from some remote village happened to visit America alone. Reaching there, he, clad in dhoti kurta, found most of the gentlemen dressed in suits. Unknowingly he just caught a man wearing a tie and asked pointing finger to the tie, 'what is this?', he replied 'It's a neck tie'. The man then holding the desi man's dhoti from finger asked and what's this. Desi consciously replied.'Oh its a back tie.'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
What did the lonely banana say?
I'm a"kela".
What did the green peas say?
Nothing. They just "mutter"ed.
What did the potato say when it answered the phone ?
"Aaloo?"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A Bengali, Marwari and Gujrati get into a carwreck. Upon arrival at the heaven Gates, Chitragupt informs them that it is not their time, they were not supposed to die yet. He offers them a deal, 'You give me 20 Rs, and I'll let you go back down and live the rest of your lives out.' The Bengali says, 'Fair enough,' and hands Chitragupt twenty. Back on earth at the accident scene, he sits bolt upright, shocking the paramedics that had just pronounced him dead. They all gather around to ask him what happened. 'Well, it wasn't my time, so I paid 20 bucks and he let me come back from the dead.' Noticing the other victims remained lifeless, the paramedics ask why they didn't also take chitragupt up on his offer. The Bengali rolls his eyes and says, 'Oh, the Marwari is trying to talk him down to Rs 12.50, and the Gujju is waiting for the Government to pay for it.'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Once a foreigner comes to Mumbai International Airport and takes a taxi.On the way seeing other cars he says that here cars move very slowly.In his country they move very fast. When his destination arrived he got down and checked the meter. He asked the driver how did the meter go so high?The driver replied that the reason for the meter to run so fast was that te meter was bought from the foreigner's country!!!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
He said, "God!?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead," God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "a million years to me is only a second."
"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."
So the man said, "God. can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa Singh was seen going to the same movie everyday for a week. So Banta asked him one day: "Arre ..yaar, kyon itni acchi lagi kya, ki roz har show ke liye aa rahe ho?". Santa replied with a bit of embarassment on his face: "..heh ..heh ...Ek scene hai - jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utar deti hai lekin thabhi ek saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saali train kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi - .. heh .. heh
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Ohere tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
santa singh finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray. "Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Banta Singh saw that his friend santa Singh was very depressed. "What happened ?" asked banta. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." " But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "Will you still make love like that to me after we're married ?"
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One Sunday morning Santa`s son burst into the living room and said, "Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Priya. After dinner, Santa took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She`s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Priya is actually your half-sister, and I`m afraid you can`t marry her." Son was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Sonu said yes! We are getting married in June." Again Santa insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Sonu is your half-sister too, I am very sorry about this." Son was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother, Jeeto, with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I am never going to get married", he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister." Jeeto just shook her head. "Don`t pay any attention to what he says, dear. He`s not really your father."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree. He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph" The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital. He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied"I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay". He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa Singh qualifies for the hot seat in Kaun Banega Crorepati.
AB : I congratulate you for this opportunity
Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fatah. Chak denge phatte
AB : This is your first question for Rs. 1000. Which state has the largest Sikh population ? And your options are A. Punjab B. Punjab C. Punjab D. Punjab
Santa : Oh ji how much time do I have.
AB : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai
Santa (giggles) : Sir ji, I would like to use my lifeline.
AB : I'm not surprised which one would U like to use.
Santa : Audience poll
AB : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads. After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board. A. 25% B. 25% C. 25% D. 25% AB : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, Par kya karen...So you would like to go with which option.
Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.
AB : Very good. Man me shanka ho to lifeline zaroor istemal karni chahiye, mein sab ko yehi salah deta hoon. (whispers in Santa's ears... Isi ke to paise milte hain mujhe). OK computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen. Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa : Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.
AB : Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have broken a record of using all the lifelines in the very first question. OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahene aap.
Santa : My langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.
AB : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye. Aap dono ikkathe he kam karte hai. Santa : Oh nahi ji ham dono pechle 6 saal se 10th mein fail ho rahe hain. Phone rings.
Banta picks it " Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adi raati, ???"
AB : Hello, mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Kaun Banega Crorepati se.
Banta : OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein ?$^$%$?$%$%$&. Ke hal chal he sar ji.
AB : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta (interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gaya hoga, khota hai sala.
AB : Chaliye, i will give you 1 minute as a special case
Santa: Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta: Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khote tu meri kameez pehen gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega.
AB : Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa: Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ......(he tells him the question).
Banta: Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska answer mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer Punjab hai lallu.
Santa : Oye par .......(and the clock stops).
AB: Samay Khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai, ab to mujhe pakka confidence hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa: Ullu ka patha, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
This one is about Santa Singhji... our English lecturer
Santa Singh ji is the English teacher in a school. He is very well renowned, since all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the English class. This is what transpires :
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MEIN"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"
By this time the inspector is furious. He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an English class and what he is saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH. The principle too is shocked, Santa Singh the famous English teacher doing this. He immediately sends for for Santa Singh.
Principal : "Santa singh ji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes I was telling all this in class, but I was only teaching the students the spellings of "ASSASSINATION".
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to colour, smell, sight and taste." After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth. After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If anyof you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks. What are those used for? he asked. St. Peter said, "there's one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives." The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster than others. "Why do they move at different speeds," he asked. St.Peter said, "Every time you tell a lie you lose one day of your life." The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for Laloo Prasad Yadav ?" St. Peter answered, "Sure, it is in the back room, we use it for a ceiling fan!!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Laloo is having a bad morning, as he explains to one of his goons in the office. A letter had just arrived addressed to The Stupidest Man in Bihar. There was no other address on the envelope. "Did you catch the guy who left it?" asked the goon. "That's the problem," Laloo replies "it came through the post office."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Do you know the similarity between a rainbow and an Indian policeman ? Well, both appear after the storm has abated.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
An Indian lady visiting France goes to a restaurant and looks at the menu. She finds the design on the menu card appealing and decides to knit the design for a sweater. She completes knitting it in a couple of days while still in France. She wears it for a walk, but is surprised when everyone starts laughing at her. She couldn't understand why, so she asks one of them the reason. She is told that the design on her sweater is not a design, but French that means, 'Fresh milk available here.'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates ............... 'Everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.' One of the angels asked... 'God, what is this beautiful country here?' God said 'Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....' The angel was quite surprised 'But God you said everything should be in balance.' God replied 'Look at the neighbours I gave them'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates ............... 'Everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.' One of the angels asked... 'God, what is this beautiful country here?' God said 'Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....' The angel was quite surprised 'But God you said everything should be in balance.' God replied 'Look at the neighbours I gave them'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Two ghost's were having a conversasion in the graveyard. the 1st one said 'yeh insaan log na.....' the other one interupted saying 'dekho,yeh insaan-vinsaan kuch nahin hota'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
US had succeded in Mission Apollo 11 and it was great time as people around the world was watching for the great historic event Live over TV. The built in camera of the ship was focussiing the terrain of the moon and man was about to step on place where nobody has ever done before. Neil had steeped on the moon and had just finished saying whatever came to his mind and was exited to be the first man on moon but just then he spotted two shaks not far from him and curiously wanted to explore it as this could be another great moment for him, he jumped and hopped to the shaks to find two Indian shops written on them was 'Gill Spare Parts' & 'Tambi cutting center'.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Galatfehmi ka shikar hona:To be hunted down by misunderstanding.
Izzat ko mitti me milana: To mix one's honor in mud
Maro saale ko: Hit the brother in law
Meri izzat ki naak cut gayee: My honors' nose has been chopped off
Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya?: Who have you blackened your face with?
naak mein dum karna:ito strengthen the nostrils
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Wife: In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take shower.
In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take a bath.
Son: In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
Daughter: In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when she is getting married.
In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any marriage.
Mother: In Des - A woman who defends you and cares for you, but would not dare to go against your father's wishes for you.
In Pardes - A women who is a sucker for anything you want, especially if dad's against it.
Father: In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.
Desi Engineer: In Des - A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai.
In Pardes - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
Desi Doctor: In Des - A respectable person with reasonably good income.
In pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called 'doctor di biwi'.
Bhangra: In Des - A vigorous Punjabi folk dance.
In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Ladka bola: kash in hasinao ke baap mar jate, kash in hasinao ke baap mar jate, bahana gham ka hota, hum inke ghar to aate.
Ladki boli: Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga, Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga, Kisi din tu bhi kisi hasina ka baap hoga
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a 'round the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
The Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, 'Friends, we are in trouble. The Gods are angry with us. We need to give a sacrifice and I need Three people to sacrifice their lives so that rest of us can be saved.'
All of them moved towards the Deck where a Japanese came forward and shouted, 'Long live Japan,' and jumped into the Sea. Then an Israeli Jew stepped forward and said, 'Hallelujah' and dived into the sea. After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other.
Suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted, 'Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal, wahe Guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh, Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman, Jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di, Jai jawan jai kissan,' and finally yelled at the top of his voice, 'Bharat mata ki jai,' and kicked the Pakistani standing next to him in the sea.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A man was travelling for the first time in a train.
T.T.: 'Show me your Ticket!'
Passenger: 'I dont have one!'
T.T.: 'Where do you want to go?'
Passenger: 'Where the lord RAM was born'
T.T.: 'Come with me,I will take you where the lord KRISHNA was born-Jail!'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A maadu named Hariharan lived in New York city. Once he went to a bank to request a loan of $5000 as he was about to leave for a business trip to Europe. The bank agreed for the loan but asked for a guarantee. The maadu immediately handed the bank manager the keys to his brand new rolls royce that was parked downstairs. The bank people agreed and parked the rolls royce in their parking lot. The maadu took the $5000 and went to Europe. He returned after a week. The bank asked him $12.50 interest on the loan. The maadu payed the amount and the interest and was about to leave before the bank manager stopped him for a minute. The manager told the maadu that he was pleased to do business with the maadu but he also told that, 'sir,we checked your accounts and we came to know that you are a millionaire,then why did you borrow just $5000 from us?' the maadu replied,' it's not the $5000 that matter ,what matters is that I couldn't have found a parking for my car in $12.50 for 1 week.'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Q: What will you call a sardaarji who is under water all the time?
A: Jalandhar Singh
Q: What will you call a sardaarji if he is the only sardaar alive?
A: Justonesingh (Jashwant Singh)
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine. However, on the day of our launch, something seemed to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem. Finally, there was an Indian scientist who offered to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything. "Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway. "Bring it back to vertical position" the Indian said. The engineers did. "Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the rocket took off and flew into outer space! Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew what to do. He replied - "It is very simple. This is what we always do with our Bajaj scooters in India".
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine. However, on the day of our launch, something seemed to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem. Finally, there was an Indian scientist who offered to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything. "Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway. "Bring it back to vertical position" the Indian said. The engineers did. "Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the rocket took off and flew into outer space! Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew what to do. He replied - "It is very simple. This is what we always do with our Bajaj scooters in India".
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A farmer brought his pride rooster to sell in the market. "What do you feed that bird that he is so big?" asked a Pathan soldier of the Pakistan army. "I feed it rice, Sir," replied the farmer. "How dare you waste rice on the bird while we are short of food?"
The Pathan Seized the bird
The next day the farmer brought another rooster to sell. "What do y6u feed' that bird that he is so big?" demanded a Baluch soldier of the Pakistan army "Sir, I feed it with ghee;" replied the farmer. "How dare you waste ghee on a bird while we are short of food!" swore the Baluchi as he seized the bird.
The next day the poor farmer brought his last remaining rooster to the market. This time a Punjabi Mussalman soldier asked him, "What do you feed that bird that it is so big?"
The Bangla farmer joined the palms of his hands and pleaded, "Sir, I don't give him any feed. I just give him two paise every day to buy whatever he likes in the market."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a "round the world" tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
The Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers,"Friends,we are in trouble. The Gods are angry with us. We need to give a sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their lives so that the rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the front deck whereas Japanese came forward and shouted "Long live Japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then an Israeli Jew stepped forward and said "Hallelujah" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted,
"Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal,
waheGuruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh,
Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga,
JaiHanuman, Jai Sri Ram,
Jai siva-sankar,
Jai baba nanak di,
Jai jawan jai kissan"
and finally yelled to the top of his voice, "Bharat mata ki jai",
and kicked the Pakistani standing next to him in the sea!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Two Indian friends had settled in England. One had been living there for some years and had caught on the some of their odd euphemisms. The other, a recent settle, was as yet unaware of them. They were invited for dinner by their English friends. After they had their drinks, their hostess asked them, ?Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?? The knowledgeable one replied, ?No thanks.? The new settler replied, ?I washed my hands before I came.? On their way back after dinner the older settler admonished his friend. ?My dear chap, in England ?would you like a wash? does not mean ?would you like to wash your hands.? It is a polite way of asking would you like to urinate?? The new settler made a mental note of it. Some days later when he ws invited by another English friend and after he had his drinks he was asked by his hostess: ?Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?? He replied promptly, ?No, thank you madam. I washed against a tree before coming to your house.?
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Son: Dad! I have saved 3 rupees today.
Father: Is it! How?
Son: I ran behind the bus.
Father: Idiot! Fool! You should have run behind the taxi. then you may save 30 rupees.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"Arre! No... I don't want to git in... Ah want to git OUT!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"Arre! No... I don't want to git in... Ah want to git OUT!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"Arre! No... I don't want to git in... Ah want to git OUT!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Husband (Returning late from work ) : "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the grocery ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morning?
Husband : Erroneous syntax.. Abort ?
Wife : What about my new TV?
Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters ...
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : By Default.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.
Wife : Are you going to drink some wine ?
Husband : File system is full.
Wife : What is the relation between u and your Receptionist ?
Husband : Only user in my WRITE group.
Wife : What is my value in the family ?
Husband : Unknown Virus.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could do to better the car. The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent it to the U.K. The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car. The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications the other countries had made, turned it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Brahma : Systems Installation
Vishnu : Systems Support
Lakshmi : Finance and Accounts consultant (SAP)
Shiva : DBA (crash specialist)
Ganesh : Documentation specialist
Narada : Data Transfer
Brihaspathi : Chief Information Officer.
Yama : ReOrganisation Consultant
ChitraGupta : Personnel Records
Apsaras : Downloadable Viruses
Devas : Y2k Programmers
Surya : Solaris adminstrator
Rakshasas : In house Hackers
Ram : Hardware Support - single user specialist
Lakshman : Support software and Backup
Ravan : Internet Explorer - WWW
Hanuman : RS6000
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Marriage Warnings Finally, here is some warning given out in good faith!
Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote:(
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote:)
Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai
Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha
Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi
Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap
Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran
Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:)
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:(
Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma
Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky
Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Apke Hain
Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun?
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Bholaji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts." The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow." Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doc, surprised,says "touch your head." Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony. The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell. The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc... and tells Bhola to come back after two days.
Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem..." "Oh yeah? what is it ?" 'You've broken your finger!'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit; these could be the caption in Newspapers:
* Bill goes Dhak-Dhak! * English Babu Desi Mem. * Brain marries Beauty!? * Windows ke peechhe kya hai? Windows ke peechhe....!? Ooo Windows mein Bill hai mera... * The next version of Windows will be "Windows MD." * Microsoft Mouse V/S Madhuri - the cat. * Relax guys! they'll only go for a virtual honeymoon. * Bill to count his millions & billions in EK, DO, TEEN.. * Gate for Bill, Windows for M.F.Hussain * Mera Bill ghar aaya O Hussainji, Mera... * Mera bill bhee kitna pagal hai... * Bill Will, Gates Wates... Main kya jaanu re... !
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
EK baar ek plane mein ek muslim, ek hindu, ek sardar aur ek american ja rahe hain. Suddenly plane ka ek engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they find out that there are no parachutes on the plane. Sardar being a little bold sochta hai saale marna to hai hi why not try something, vo apni turban kholta hai aur dono ends pakad ke jump laga deta hai. Luckily idea kaam kar jaata hai aur vo float karne lag jaata hai. Seeing this hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating. Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes American's turn Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered baniyan type T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps.
Now he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he passes the Mohammedan, Who says "Allah tumhari khair kare", then he passes Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare". Now when he quickly passes Sardar, Sardar says "accha race lagana hai, to le" and he lets go of the turban.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the track and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc
Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger. You should have run over that person Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the track and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc
Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger. You should have run over that person Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
When God passed out looks, I thought He said books, and I didnt want any. When God passed out ears, I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones. When God passed out legs, I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones. When God passed out noses, I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one. When God passed out heads, I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one. When God passed out brains, I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One Sardarji Had Some Health Problem And Was Advised For Urine Test. In The Morning He Puts Urine In A Bottle And Kept In The Toilet. His Wife Goes To Toilet And By Mistake She Hits The Urine Bootle And Urine Spills. She Thought Sardarji Will Get Angry, She Put Her Urine In That Bottle.
After Some Time Sardarji Takes That Bottle To Lab And Gives For Testing. In The Evening He Goes To Collect The Report And Is Shocked To See The Result Showing " He Is Pregnant". He Comes Home And Shouts At His Wife "Tenu Kinni Vas Keha Mere Upar Na Chadhya Kar, Ai Dekh Report, Mein Pregnant Ho Gaya.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The Sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, youfool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director. "Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The Sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, youfool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director. "Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The Sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, youfool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director. "Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A Sardarji father gave the following advice to his son about to be married. "Son, if you want things from your in-laws, be sure to pitch your demand high. If you wanted a cycle, ask for a scooter; if you wanted a motorcycle, ask for a Maruti. Always ask for something higher than you need."
The young Sardarji who wanted no dowry, imbibed the lesson. When his father-in-law asked what he wanted, the young Sardarji replied, "nothing just Give me the girl's mother."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.After much thought he wrote : Yes
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't Take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer : ....!!!!!!!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One day a lady came in running into police station where santa singh was police inspector... And she said "praji..praji gajab ho gaya"
Santa singh asked "bhenji ki ho gaya" The lady replied "mere pati 6 din pehle gobi ki sabji lene bazaar gaye the, aur abhi tak woh nahi laute hain"
On that santa singh replied " koi gal nahin bhenji, tusi aur koi sabji bana lo".
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
One day a lady came in running into police station where santa singh was police inspector... And she said "praji..praji gajab ho gaya"
Santa singh asked "bhenji ki ho gaya" The lady replied "mere pati 6 din pehle gobi ki sabji lene bazaar gaye the, aur abhi tak woh nahi laute hain"
On that santa singh replied " koi gal nahin bhenji, tusi aur koi sabji bana lo".
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Banta Singh stuck on an elevator
Santa Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.
Banta Singh: Thats alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 4 hrs.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Banta singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices", said banta singh. It said, "FINE FOR PARKING HERE
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa and Banta are two friends and Santa singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless and one day asks Santa for some good job. Santa singh says, OK next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day, Santa singh says, first I will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, I would give you all answers and questions. So you go and then answer there. You will get the Job. So, Santa goes in.
EMPLOYER: When we got independence? SANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: Good. Who is our PM? SANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: OK. What's India's population? SANTA: (He was not to reply last one so he says) Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.
Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh.
Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions. He goes in Now.
EMPLOYER: When were you born? BANTA: Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947.
EMPLOYER: What?? Who is your father? BANTA: It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee.
EMPLOYER: Employer is upset now. Are you mad Mr. Banta? BANTA: Good Question, Research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." Santa then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." Santa says, "I ll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It s a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"Santa replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa Singh is the aggresive participant on Kaun Banega..
Amitabh: Santaji, 5 sawal ka jawab diye to Rs. 10,000 jeetiye. 15 jawab par 1 crore! Aapke paas teen lifeline hain. Ek hazaar rupee ke liye aapka pehla sawaal: Who is India's Prime Minister? A: Vajpayee B: Advani C: Zail Singh D: Amrish Puri?
Santa Singh: Vajpayee.
Amitabh: Sure?
Santa Singh: Yes, sure.
Amitabh: Confident?
Santa Singh: Yes
Amitabh: Absolutely sure?
Santa Singh: Yes Amitji.
Amitabh: Lock kar dein?
Santa Singh: Yes.
Amitabh: Sahee jawab! Aap ek hazaar rupee jeet gaye hain!
Santa Singh: Oye! Saale, ullu mat banaa! Paanch jawab diye hain puray dus hazaar nikaal!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa was invited to Banta's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Jalebi, Honey, Pyaari, Darling, Sweetheart etc. He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 40 years. While the wife was in the kitchen, Santa said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call bhabhiji those pet names." Banta hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
BANTA Singh went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw his colourful attire and gold and white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming"
NOT Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Singh.So he told Singh, If >you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK".
Singh thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN,GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW ...BLUE's that ?WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number, lah.... Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok ? Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
BANTA Singh went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw his colourful attire and gold and white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming"
NOT Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Singh.So he told Singh, If >you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK".
Singh thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN,GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW ...BLUE's that ?WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number, lah.... Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok ? Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
BANTA Singh went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw his colourful attire and gold and white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming"
NOT Nevertheless, he still had to entertain Singh.So he told Singh, If >you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK".
Singh thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN,GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW ...BLUE's that ?WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number, lah.... Don't PURPLEly disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok ? Thank You."
The Manager fainted.
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Banta bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar to Jalandhar to meet his friend.He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day.
When he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran out hugged him an asked,"Arre puttar kya hoya??" Banta got out tired and said, "Oy ye Maruti wale pagal hain, agge janne ke leye chaar gear banaate hain aur pichche jane ke leye sirf ek!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates.
One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Once Santa Singh called Banta Singh for a hearty lunch. Banta Singh arrived promptly on time and was surprised to see the door locked. Then he saw a note which said,'' Kaise ullu banaya!'' Banta Singh was terribly furious, therefore thinking himself to be smart stuck a note saying, '' Main to aya hi nahein''
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" ..... comes the reply, " Haan ji ! Hai hi baat badi khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" ..... comes the reply, " Haan ji ! Hai hi baat badi khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" ..... comes the reply, " Haan ji ! Hai hi baat badi khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
There were two friends Santa & Banta. Once Snata was ill & admitted to hospital & Banta went to saw him. They were talking & suddenly Santas health started to collapse. He asked Banta for a pen by his hand expressions & a paper Banta gave it & Santa wrote something gave it to Banta & died. Banta thought that it wpnt be good to read it now so I will read it in the funeral. In the funeral he gave the paper to Santa's wife thinking that it will have something inspirational for Banta, & so he told Santa's wife to read it.
When she read it what was written was- "Banta you are standing on my Oxygen tube"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworths's (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Banta finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Banta comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: "What! This is shit!" Banta calmly replies: "Yes, and I want toilet paper"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Once Banta Singh goes to dinner with his friends.Just to have some fun one of his friends ask's Banta, "How many Idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". For which Banta answers promptly - "8 idlis". His friends laugh at him and say,nobody can eat 8 idlis when their stomach is empty because when they eat the first idli their stomach would no longer be empty.
Banta enjoys the joke very much and as soon as he comes home calls his wife and asks, "How many idlis can you eat when your stomach is empty?". She replies - "5 idlis".
Hearing this answer Banta gets furious and replies, "You fool! Had you said '8 idlis' I would have told you a good joke!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'
Santa says, 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa had asked Banta to help him out with the deck after work, so Banta just went straight over to Santa's place. When they got to the door, Santa went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Banta told Santa that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Santa said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Banta thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Banta was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little chintu fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa had asked Banta to help him out with the deck after work, so Banta just went straight over to Santa's place. When they got to the door, Santa went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Banta told Santa that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Santa said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Banta thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Banta was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little chintu fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa had asked Banta to help him out with the deck after work, so Banta just went straight over to Santa's place. When they got to the door, Santa went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Banta told Santa that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Santa said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better. Banta thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Banta was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little chintu fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing. Says Banta, "How do we identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?" Santa Singh replies, "I will cut the tail of my horse and so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours." So they cut the tail of the horse. But in the night their naughty kids cut the tail of the other horse too. And the next day Banta Singh is worried and says, "I will cut one of the ears of my horse so the horse with one ear will be mine and the other one will be yours." The next night the kids cut the other horses ears too. And so it goes on until the horses lost their ears, eyes, had broken noses etc. And in the end both horses were left only with bare legs and were just barely living. Both Santa and Banta were frustrated. At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA"
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa noticed a banana peel on the street.
He mutters to himself: Saddi to kismat hi kharab hai. Aaj phir girna padega!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital. Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."
Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
Santa Singh wanted to lose weight desperately and so he consulted a doctor. The doctor told him that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.
Santa followed the doctors advice and at the end of 300 days, he called the doctor to report that he had actually lost the weight, but had a problem. Whats the problem, asked the doctor?
I am 2400 kilometers away from home
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
A desi dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in anelectric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work, someone stole all the nails, and the devil used to be a public servant, so he comes in, punches his time-card and then goes back home..."
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| Author: `F~O~R~T~U~N~E` 25 Apr 2008 | Member Level: Diamond Points : 1 |
?There would be 10 times as many people in the ship
?There would be a song with Kate Winslett in a white sari, singing in the rain.
?By the end of the movie, hero would find his long lost Mom, Dad, sis and bhai
?It would be a seven-and-a-half-hour movie with three intervals. The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya to Marna Kya?"
?The hero and the heroine would float in the cold water for days and still survive while the villain would die in the first few drops.
?The iceberg was sent by the heroine?s father to teach a lesson to the hero.
?None of the women would float because of the saris.
?The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and a ray of l |