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Popular Quotes!
Posted Date: 29 Apr 2008 Resource Type: Entertainment Category: Others
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Posted By: Shreshtha Member Level: Diamond
Rating:  Points: 5
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It isn't pollution that is harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. - Dan Quayle
Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco. - Will Rogers
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
You only get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so many times. - Pittsburgh Steelers cornerback Ike Taylor
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don't. - Robert Benchley
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. - Albert Einstein
If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking. - George S. Patton
Always drink upstream from the herd. - Will Rogers
I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends. - Oscar Wilde
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential foodgroups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was "Shut Up". - Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate. - George Carlin
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives - Rita Rudner
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. - Mark Twain
Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him. - Aldous Huxley
If you want to live like a Republican, vote for a Democrat. - Harry S. Truman
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience often comes from bad judgement. - Rita Brown
An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away. - P. G. Wodehouse
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. - Mark Twain
Whoever said, "It's not whether you win or lose that counts" probably lost. - Martina Navratilova
Don't trust nobody but your momma. And even then, look at her real good! - Bo Diddley
When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren. - Phyllis Diller
Whenever you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. - Harry S. Truman
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. - Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
Don't look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes, you'll know you're dead. - Tennessee Williams
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives - Sue Murphy
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. - Vlade Divac
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers. - Robert Orben
Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door. - Charleton Ogburn
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet every evening down at the bar. - Drew Carey
Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish. - Charles Caleb Colton
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison
Sweat is the cologne of accomplishment. - Heywood Hale Brown
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan. - A. Whitney Brown
Only a mediocre person is always at his best. - W. Somerset Maugham
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. - Ogden Nash
In politics, sincerity is everything. Once you can fake that, you've got it made! - Groucho Marx
The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway. - Henry Boye
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, but nobody thinks of complaining. - Jeff Raskin
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies. - George Carlin
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - James Baldwin
Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat. - Jeff Foxworthy
Life is hard. After all, it kills you. - Katherine Hepburn
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll." - George Carlin
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? - Satchel Paige
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey
Honest criticism is hard to take, especially when it comes from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. - Franklin P. Jones
My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. It's not much of a watchdog, but it's a vicious gossip. - Craig Shoemaker
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. - Woody Allen
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier. - Bill Gates
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! - George Carlin
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan
If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy. - Jennifer Lopez
Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. - George W. Bush
I'll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I'll go, 'Wow, he's really not a very good actor!' - Ashton Kutcher
Profanity is the adjective of the feeble minded. - Gordon Lane
When people say "clean as a whistle", they forget that a whistle is full of spit. - George Carlin
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
He who stops being better stops being good. - Oliver Cromwell
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy - Erica Jong
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. - Albert Einstein
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it! - Franklin Jones
Outside of the killings, Washington DC has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry
A hospital bed is a parked taxi, with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
I would never die for my beliefs, because I might be wrong. - Bertrand Russell
A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. - Richard Nixon
I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror. - Richard Lewis
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton
Dog is God spelled backwards. That means something, I'm just not sure what exactly, but human is numah spelled backwards. - Marc-Christophe
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms? - George Carlin
According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does. - Conan O'Brien
All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. - Ellen DeGeneres
Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance? - Phyllis Diller
Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language. - Caroline Rhea
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein
Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull
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