How to handle marital arguments and save a marriage


Marriages are made in heaven. But where are divorces made? When people get married, they take the vow of not leaving each other "Till Death" does them apart. But before death, arguments and misunderstandings break apart a marriage. I try to find the reasons and probable solutions to this problem here.

Introduction

When I was small my mother used to tell me that marriages are made in heaven When I grew up I had or I still have one question. Where were marital abuses or marital discord made? How come more than 60% of the married couples get divorced?

If you look at celebrity couples, then you will see numerous such broken-up relationships. It is so sad that we rejoice when our favorite movie star or sports star gets married. But what do you know? The very next year these couples might get separated. Sadly, this is true for any other person also. Divorce has now become a routine.

Significance of marriage

Marriage means a bond. A bond shared between two persons, two families, two destinies, and two different clans. It is not a two minute affair. People take years of time to know each other and each other's families.

Does the couple getting married follow the vows till death? In any religion the vows of marriage always have the "Till death do us apart clause." Every couple says this vow, no matter in what language. But before death, arguments, misunderstandings, disrespectful attitude towards each other makes a marriage fall apart.

Causes of Marital Discord

  • High expectations-People are totally bound by high expectations. These expectations could be from life, from life partners, from children and so on. When such high expectations poke in the life of the spouse it makes a fissure in the family life. One has to learn that no one is perfect. So if you keep on piling your load of expectations on your partner one fine morning he or she will call it quits.


  • Ego-Ego is a big reason to break people's bondings with each other. Once one of the partners starts feeling that he or she is the superior in the family, there is no end to it. Every time the person lets insolence bump the path of his partner. All the time either the wife or the husband condescends the spouse. How long do you expect that person tolerate this and stay cool?


  • Misunderstandings-After Ego comes its natural byproduct misunderstandings. Today couples don't trust each other. Too much of crime based soaps and crime investigation programs in the news channels has this effect on people's minds. They doubt too much. Since people are too full of ego, they never try to clear their doubts with their partners on their misunderstandings. hence a beautiful marriage falls apart for little or no reason.


  • Verbal abuse-If a person speaks abusively about his or her partner or his or family then there is no option of adjustment for the partner. The partner feels cornered and insulted. Who can stay together in a house where one person is verbally demeaning the other person?


  • Physical abuse-After verbal abuse, when physical abuse comes into play then only a person decides to move out. In fact, after a married man or woman beats up his own wedded partner there could not be any scope of apology. A marriage can't stand on the broken premise of physical assault.


Remedies to save a marriage from the above evils

  1. Don't involve your partner in your expectations from life. Your life is separate from that of your partner's. Respect the privacy and aspirations of your partner too. Your partner might not be as ambitious as you. You think of people who are more ambitious than you. Does it really make a difference if you are not as ambitious as those people or your spouse is not as ambitious as you. You can still live a happy life with your partner.


  2. If you cannot come out the shell of your ego, then please take the help of a counselor. I cannot help you much here. There is no other way that to think yourself as any other ordinary person. If you keep thinking that you are a gift to your spouse, your spouse is the worst thing that happened to you, people should always hail you, your spouse should behave like your subordinate, then you cannot keep your marriage from breaking. Take the advice of a counselor to shelve these thoughts from your head. With a fresh and ego free mind look at your partner. I am sure you will able to see how precious life partner you have obtained.


  3. The best way to cure misunderstandings is talking to your partner. Don't shun away from the reality. If you feel something obnoxious about your partner talk about it freely with him. Tell him how much you love him and tell the reasons which are snatching your love away from him. The problem will be solved in minutes. The more you nurture your doubts about him or her and the less you clear your misunderstandings the closer will you get to ending your marriage. If your doubt clearance leads to a fight, let it be. Everything will be cleared in that. You can begin a fresh chapter in marriage after your argument is over.


  4. There is no excuse for verbal or physical abuse. If your partner is such an offender, do speak up in protest. If it is a verbal abuse, then do make your partner understand that you will not tolerate this in future. Why should you tolerate verbal abuse, be it about you or your family? You are an educated individual. You live in a democratic country. Remind your partner of the times you stood beside him or her. Remind him of the times of difficulties you did of think of leaving your partner. Do conclude by saying that if such abuses continue you will think of parting ways. I would advise on my behalf that do not remain quite against physical abuse. There is no way you can make your marriage work after this.


Conclusion

Marriages are truly made in heaven and getting a soulmate is a bliss. Please always remember this. So many people do not find their love of life. So why do people let go their spouses so easily? Just a few household arguments and you decide to part ways? Is it so simple to break all family ties? Then why did you get into marital bonding in the first place? Think really hard before you think of ending your marriage.


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Comments

Author: Ramachandran Pattabiraman17 Mar 2016 Member Level: Gold   Points : 5

Ego and lack of tolerance are the main reason for quarrel and divorce. Obeying the husband's words does not mean that their freedom is forfeited and if they think like this it just denotes their ignorance and foolishness. I and my wife never quarreled on any issues on any single day in our 27 years life. Now I am shedding tears and tears daily as she lost her breath on 20th March 2015. She was very accommodating and indicated to me boldly whenever I erred. Secondly, the sworn before vow of Agni during the marriage should be honored and it is never an easy thing to deceive the God, Agni. There should be a fear in one's mind about the taking vows Agni.

Author: Joyshree17 Mar 2016 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 2

I agree that lack of tolerance is a big reason to end marriages. In fact, today you would see marriages of celebrities ending very quickly due to the sheer lack of tolerance.

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. From your comment it is very much evident that you loved your wife very dearly. In addition to what you said, I would also like to say that a husband also doesn't become inferior to his wife or doesn't lose his independence if he listens to his wife or works according to what his wife says.

Author: Kailash Kumar18 Mar 2016 Member Level: Platinum   Points : 6

The statement 'more than 60% of the married couples get divorced' made by the author in the 'Introduction' part of the article appears to be a gross generalization to say the least. Nowadays by the time one gets married, the partners have their own, almost fully developed, personalities. Prior to the actual marriage, during courtship, efforts should be made to identify specific personality traits and see to it as to how many of these are matching. With the spread of education and self dependence among women, such trends are emerging gradually. Marriage is after all a matter of adjustments. Both the partners have to be accommodating to each other's point of view. The most crucial factor in making or breaking a marriage is fidelity. Even in western open societies, married couples are not supposed to indulge in sex outside marriages though trends like swapping partners etc. are also emerging in certain societies.

Author: Swati Sarnobat27 Mar 2016 Member Level: Gold   Points : 2

To avoid separation from relationship, both of them should learn to compromise on significant issues. Once, they are into relationship, they should not grumble for something that is not present in their partner. Both of them should always have the space to openly communicate with each other. Both of them should understand the requirement of independence of each other.

Author: Venkiteswaran10 Jul 2016 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 2

In the modern situation when there is online tutorial and Do-It-Yourself guidelines for anything and everything, this article serves the purpose of a DIY on how to avoid common discords in marital life. Hence it is a relevant one for both genders.
I wonder, how in early generation, our parents and grandparents and their ancestors lived happily quite long without any of these lessons and articles.
The marital discords and increasing divorces are all have cause in modern life style and life situations. Hence the solutions also should come from modern situations and facilities. Articles like the one here can be an early preliminary help in this regard.

Author: K Mohan27 Jul 2017 Member Level: Platinum   Points : 4

Nice article appended by the author. In modern days the love marriages are more than the arranged marriages. Why? Because the girl or the boy who gets a good job in MNC or other organization would find a life partner working there itself and arrive at the conclusion that they are made for each other. Broad mindedness on the part of both male and female must match here. They have to convince the need for marrying the person belonging and working to same company and the advantages of it. But over the years due to work promotions and salary increase the difference of opinion between the two widens and that leads to petty to major face off daily and that leads to divorce. The ego on both sides plays worst role and the elders has to bow for the divorce. Good sense must prevail as both of them are educated and liked each other without the involvement of elders and therefore they should not bring the issue to the elders on divorce.



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