An Essay on being a Not So Perfect Mother


Are you a mother? A good one, perhaps? Or do you know a good mother like your very own or a sister or a colleague who is devoted to her life, her family and her children would be the only world she knew. Then please read this article to get a different perspective. If you at least get a second thought about things, which you would have preferably ignored so far, there lays the victory of not just this article but on whole parenthood.

Being A Super-Mom

Are you with me in this? Fine. Now close your eyes for a nano second and think about a perfect mother. I am sure an image forms in your mind which can be the lady who brought you into this world, a sister who struggles to make the ends meet, even your own wife who still tolerates you. Come on; now take a closer look on this image. You do see that, this perfect mother cooks three meals a day, keeps the house clean, does laundry, puts up with all your mood swings and more important is the thing that she is always available to the wailing toddler and oh, some supermoms do have a high flying job profile to maintain too.

Rate yourself - there is no scale though

In this picture you do find any faults, like, when you enter the house it is not tidy, or there is a delay in putting the food on the table. What would you, as the man of the house, do? Either you shout or blame the mother for her lack of skills. "Go see other households. How women are managing to do this but you cannot". Please have a much deeper look on this image of a perfect mother. Do you anywhere find a personal life here? Or even a single shot of doing something which she likes, meeting with a long lost friend, cooking a delicacy she enjoyed. You could not. Once the girl gets married and she has a baby, it becomes an unwritten law that her personal life is null and void, and she should sacrifice all the other things for the family's sake. Only then you will become the branded perfect mother.

Is there a term called 'Perfect'?

Believe me, nobody is a perfect mom here and even when one of them says so, it is merely for the sake of the society. Deep down, at least for a second, she would have wished to have her life back, her friends back, her financial independence back, when her wishes were at least considered before they were completely overseen. That is the life she wants or any human will need if you are just that. If you are finding this utterly nonsense, then I am proud that I have at last found THAT perfect mother, which I am not.

The Judgement Day

I like some time for myself even it is just half an hour, I like to keep in touch with my friends, to know about their lives, I must spend some time to groom myself, an occasional visit to the parlor to redeem the little confidence I have, I love to go to a movie with just the husband, without the constant nagging of a toddler in my hips. I love to sip my morning coffee in peace; I cringe to have an undisturbed sleep at least for an hour.

When I say all this you do judge me as a not so perfect mother type. Please go ahead and be judgmental. Saying that I need these things does not make me a bad person, as you think that I am. These are the things which kept me going, and I do yearn for them occasionally. It is not a crime to be a not so perfect mother.

Get A Life

Preparing a birthday party for your kiddo, it is alright to order samosas than to prepare homemade ones, there is really no need that you should toil all day to make everything perfect. It is ok to have a chat occasionally with your friends or even better to meet up with them once in a while to share your grieving. It is alright to occasionally shout at your husband who has the whole right to watch TV when he returns from work with a mindset that wife was at home all day and I am the one who earns the bread and butter. It is perfectly ok to have an untidy room with the children's toys scattered all over.

Of course you will be faced with questions like, "What did you do all day at home? Do you have any idea how easy it is for you to stay at home and look after the baby than having a career? Why do you want to go to work when I can take care of the financial needs single handedly? Please ladies, do not dignify these absurd questions with a response. These people will not understand and will simply brand you that you are not perfect. What I mean to say is that you need not be perfect to be a loving mother. Raising a child is like a joint account, parenthood after all and not merely motherhood. You do have additional responsibilities, understand that, but you need not be overly conscious all the times. There is no offence if you let your hair down for some time.

Worthless Prejudices

Do mistakes, get cranky, shout at the husband, demand financial independence, meet up with friends, have some time for yourself. I tell you, all this will help you from becoming mad. You need not prove anyone that you are a perfect mother. You already are for loving your kid with all your heart. Having a small space for yourself doesn't make you imperfect. At the end of the day, your child will love you from the bottom of his heart irrespective of the clean sparkling home and paneer parathas that took two hours to cook.

Have a little life of your own and your child will be perfectly all right. If people around you are being judgemental, oh, please, let them be. When your child grows up and goes apart in future at least you will have some life to look forward too than being that cranky old women who constantly nags their children as she has nothing else to do.

Happy parenting my dear not-so-perfect-mother!


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