Why people dislike guests at home nowadays


Do people like guests at their home today? There is very popular old adage in Hindi which translates in English to "Guests are like God." It is true that in olden days people treated guests with great respect and made sure that guests are taken care of even at cost of compromising their own comforts. But does it hold true even today? Well, may be not. Let us explore it in this article.

Introduction


Nowadays this culture of treating guests like god may still hold somewhat true in villages but in cities it is totally opposite now. People mainly in big cities now consider guests more as "Demons" instead of "God". So what has changed in all these days and what is responsible for the change in the perception towards guests? Well reason can be many and both hosts and guests are some way responsible towards change in the perception. Let me make it clear that whatever I am going to discuss may not be applicable to all the guests. Here I am just highlighting what is seen nowadays with many of the guests. Again here in my article when I say guest in this article it means close or near close relatives of a family. Let us have look at few factors responsible for this change in attitude.


Reasons behind unwelcome attitude towards guests


  • There has been a marked difference in attitude of guests at present compared to what it used to be in earlier days. Nowadays when guests come whether they are near or far relatives they come with a mindset that they have come to relax and are reluctant to help the hosts in managing the household work when needed. With this mindset they stay in their host's house as true guests meaning they expect everything to be readily available to them and they are reluctant to help their hosts specially the female members in cooking and other household work. So no matter how close relatives they are they behave as if they have landed in a hotel rather than adjusting, becoming part of the host family and lending helping hand. This type of attitude creates hardships for female members of host family as their workload in kitchen and for other household chores increases to great extent. This makes them fear and leads to unwelcome attitude towards guests.

    This is in sharp contrast to olden days when relatives who used to visit as guests used to fully mingle with their host family and stay as if it was their own home. Ladies in guest family extended all possible help in household work to the ladies of guest family and they stayed and enjoyed together. With this attitude host family never felt that guests were a burden to them.


  • Another factor responsible for unwelcome attitude towards guests nowadays is that due to rise in living costs and inflation in many cases both husband and wife are working and they are very hard pressed for time in their daily life. Specially working women have very hectic schedule in managing their work as well as family life which includes taking care of kids, cooking etc. So obviously among this hectic schedule if she gets news about relatives visiting her she gets tensed and irritated as she will find difficulty in accommodating and entertaining guests amidst their busy schedule.


  • One more interesting point to observe in present times regarding guests is that when they visit their host's place which may be in a particular city in India they are more interested in visiting places within that particular city like shopping malls, restaurants for dining, parks, water parks etc and also have a tour of nearby tourist spots which may be in the towns close by. So their expectation from host is that they take out time from their schedule and take them for outing. This further creates difficulty for hosts as they need to chalk out time from their busy schedules for all this stuff and sometimes this also creates financial overhead for the host as most of the time they will need to shell out the money when they are on outing as naturally it is host's responsibility to take care of guests. So this factor further contributes towards unwelcome attitude for guests.

    Seldom do guests nowadays like to stay within the house and have fun eating, sitting, talking and socializing nowadays. Prime expectation from guests has become that hosts should take them out. Again this is in pretty contrast to olden days when guest's expectation was not to roam about but to have fun with host family by enjoying within boundaries of the house.


  • Further, one point I have noted regarding guests is that sometime their sole purpose of visiting their host's place is not meeting , socializing and spending time with the family members of hosts but simply to tour nearby places in that zone. So in such cases guests come, dump their luggage, stay for a day and then leave for their tour and come back after few days. After coming back they leave for their home town next day. So here they spent more time touring places rather than staying with the hosts so in a way host's house was used as a free lodging to save the cost of staying in a hotel.

    To make it clear with example guests visit their hosts in Mumbai and they visit nearby places like Pune, Lonavala, Mahabaleshwar etc and return back to their home town hardly spending satisfactory time with the hosts. This further gives feeling of selfishness on part of the guests and host feels that guest is visiting them not for social bonding but for making tour to nearby places and hence hosts do not feel like welcoming the guests.


  • Finally I would like to highlight something which places hosts at fault in contrary to earlier points where guests were depicted at fault. With increasing incomes, desires have also increased and life has become hectic where people are busy with their efforts towards earning and satisfying their desires. Even if people have everything they do not carve free time for them but instead use all their time in running about behind materialistic things. This leaves no place in their life for meeting people, socializing, helping and having some leisure moments.

    Hence due to this people have not kept bandwidth for entertaining guests and making them feel welcome as they cannot tolerate interference in their machine type life. Yes, people nowadays do not like when guests visit their place as it would mean they have to spend some time, effort and money towards them and most of them do not like it.


Conclusion


So to summarise there has been change in behaviour on part of both hosts and guests in modern days which has given rise to this trend of "guests not preferred" by many households. There are many points on which guests need to improve regarding their behaviour and attitude. Hosts also need to do the same and accommodate some time for guests.


Comments

Author: Partha Kansabanik18 Aug 2017 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 8

I have heard from my father that in earlier days, near and distant relatives used to come to our ancestral home during festivals and marriages and stayed even for one month. Even during my childhood, during late seventies and early eighties, relatives used to come to stay for seven days or so. We felt very elated whenever our relatives used to visit us. We never bothered to think about invasion of privacy, space crunch, disturbance in study, financial difficulty etc. Visit of relatives was a great occasion for all of us.

With the passage of time, the family values and concept of kith and kin are dwindling. Nowadays we want to live in a segregated island. Our world revolves around our friends, colleagues, wife/husband and one child or two children. Even parents have no value for us, leave aside the relatives. Although the author has given various reasons, the only reason I find behind this unfortunate phenomenon is that we have become and are becoming more and more selfish. We only understand the value of relatives or real friends at the fag end of our life, when we ourselves are neglected by the newer generation. But, at that time, we don’t find anybody to stand beside us.

Concluding my response, I thank the author for giving us the opportunity to discuss this relevant issue which has become acute due to erosion of family values.

Author: Gaurav25 Aug 2017 Member Level: Gold   Points : 1

A very relevant topic on today's world dealt in an experienced way. I totally agree with the author that now people are now reluctant to have any guest in their home. The author has already counted a number of reason for this reluctant attitude of people. One of the most important reasons is that now every family has some limited space in their home and the family members adjust themselves according to it. But whenever a guest visits the house they feel uncomfortable because of the new comer. Children and teens in the house get irritated and troubled because they are supposed to behave properly before the guest person. They feel like encroachment of their freedom.



  • Do not include your name, "with regards" etc in the comment. Write detailed comment, relevant to the topic.
  • No HTML formatting and links to other web sites are allowed.
  • This is a strictly moderated site. Absolutely no spam allowed.
  • Name:
    Email: