IntroductionLies and dishonesty can ruin any relationship and send the coupledom down in fire. A lie is a lie. There is no need to become judgmental by explaining that it is just a white lie. Irrespective of whether it is white lie or a grandiose one, we must remember that when we lie, we are bringing dishonesty and breaking trust in our relationship. Truthfulness is essential in a relationship to make it blossom and flourish. Honesty is the base on which rest other essential and good things will keep building. If base is weak then definitely other things will rarely get build up or flourish. Always remember that when base is wrecked, whole building falls down. Whenever we try to fabricate the truth, everything gets out of control.
Comparison between trust and honestyNo relationship can exist in absence of trust. Once trust gets broken, it seems like everything has come to an end. It's like reaching a black hole in the universe. Honesty is of more significance when compared with trust. No doubt that trust is essential as it forms main component of any relationship. However, just imagine a relationship without honesty. What will happen if there isn't any honesty in a relationship? We can have blind trust on the person we love. Some of us love our partners and trust everything about them. We trust them on basis of the facts that we know about them. Facts which we know might not be true. We might be getting deceived and yet we trust them. We trust them completely but the other person might not be keeping everything real. So now where does this leave us? We are left with trusting something that is fake and we are made to believe a bunch of lies. Trust reveals our each and every nerve of emotions. It can ruin a relationship if we become careless or a little indifferent. Honesty on the other hand is like a machete.
Why there is dishonesty in a relationship?We lie and hide the truth from the other person because we are scared of speaking the truth. It's other person's reaction of which we are worried about the most. Since we already know that our partner will react in a very different manner, instead of being okay with our deed then we try to conceal the whole thing by fabricating our truth. We become dishonest to avoid conflicts and unnecessary fights. We are scared of the punishments they might give us and mental torture that we need to face after that. We sneak around and keep building up things around lies and still this makes sense to us because we are avoiding the potential pain which we might encounter if we spoke the truth. This is however not making anything better but in fact worsening things. With each passing day, lies keeping building on and we are bringing more dishonesty and distrust in our relationship.
When each of us is asked to make a list of all the important things we want to include in our relationships then honesty and trust will usually top the charts, despite all of us making the list based on different criteria. We all feel that we are honest people as most of the times we speak truth. Sometimes we may lie but that lying should not be counted, simply because we never had any intention of hurting anyone. When the question of pure honesty arises, most of us falter. Something is conditioning us badly so that we lie as soon as some inconvenience arises. We feel that by lying we are protecting the other person from getting drained in emotions of hurt. We have developed a strong belief system inside and as per that we feel that it is better not to confront ourselves to our partner and instead conceal our true emotions and keep lying so that they do not get hurt. We feel if we confront to our partner then they are going to react in a way in which we would have reacted if we were in his place. This is the reason that we steer away, adopt dishonesty and opt to speak a lie. Our subconscious mind just does not know the difference between me and you. We need to stop living our life based on assumptions. These assumptions which which are nothing but feedback or result of programming of our subconscious mind are ceasing us from dishing the truth out. For our subconscious mind, everyone is the same. However, it is not necessarily true. The other person may not react the way we do and this we need to understand and thereby practice truth and honesty.
What is honesty?Honesty is to hold on to our integrity and principles. When we decide to be honest, we cannot let go our beliefs by acting or intending in a completely opposite direction of that of our belief. Interacting with our partner in a very clear and open way about our needs also is a part of being honest in a relationship. Honesty is directly proportional to longevity of a relationship. Age or life of a relationship is dependent on how much honesty is encountered in it. For most of us, honesty means truth. We want our partner to disclose everything and hide nothing i.e., we want to be completely open and not keep any secrets of any sorts. Honesty however is much beyond keeping secrets and lying. Honesty is often described as best policy and it is just not a proverbial phrase but in fact it is the best policy one can ever adopt in one's life. It just sets us free and when we are free, we set everyone around us free. It is a key component of a healthy and sound relationship. When we adopt honesty, it allows us to live in reality. Dishonesty bounds us to live in fantasy and when we are living in a fantasy, how can we share a reality with our partner. Honesty avoids harmful breaches of trust. If we want our relationship to be healthy and romantic then we need to be honest with our partner.
Need for honesty in a relationshipOur deeds or our words are not really quarantined when we are in a relationship with someone. Whatever we speak, whatever we do is going to influence and affect the other person as much as they do to us. This is because our partner is closely connected with us and because of this close association, our words and our actions does affect them i.e., they make our partner vulnerable. This is the reason that we need to be open with them about each and everything whether issue is small and minor one or a serious one. Instead of having doubts in mind, it is better to let everything out and be honest with them so that we can have honest dialogue with them. Honesty builds trust and security. It makes acceptance easier and exerts enormous power on relationships. Relationships are not lasting very long and failing badly because there is need of honesty which is not usually met these days. Partners may not confront to each other but subconsciously they are rejecting each other slowly because of this. Surface talk is of no use when the real need is to make a relationship much stronger. We can keep lying and keep dancing around the truth by deceiving our partner, but soon we ourselves will get tired of all the talk. Both the partners will start realizing of the important factors which are missing in their relationship and soon the bond will come to an end.
Truth factorWhen we lie or conceal truth, we are trying to be fake and the people who want to be with us like our false personality. Relationships built up on false things do not last long. This is because after some point we ourselves will get tired of lying. By lying we are going to attract same kind of people i.e., people who are used to lying to attract others. This way a relationship will get formed in which both the couples are lying or else pretending to be someone and this kind of relationship do not last long as true colors do get revealed at some point or the other. Truth demands a lot of courage and power to speak up. If we are able to show this kind of courage then it makes our life easy and liberating. When we feel liberated, our relationships too flourish.
ConclusionSpeaking truth and practicing honesty are the two very courageous acts and one who practices them can form strong bonds with others and such bonds do not break in the mist of time. Relationships grow stronger with time. Breaking the fear by leaving the malpractice of being dishonest can only make us get closer to each other. Practicing honesty is the most self loving act one can ever observe. When we intimately fall for ourselves, our love for others also grow stronger. Our bonds become filled with authentic love as we develop unlimited and undefeated power in it which is the power of truth and honesty. Once we lose the fear of speaking truth and fear of practicing honesty we will become open to love and very fondly accept true partnership with our loved ones. To learn ways to maintain or bring back trust and honesty go through Tips to build trust and honesty in a relationship: Part-1 and Part-2.
A good article by the author. The importance of honesty and trust are described very well in a relation. The relationship may be any type, friendly relationship, family relationship or any other nature also if both the parties involved are not honest to each other and there is no trust between both the parties the relationship may not lost long. During our education and working, we will come across many people. All of them may not become our friends. They are only acquaintances and colleagues. Once we are out of that school or that office they may forget you or you may forget them. So the bond there is temporary and purely need based. But we will develop trust in some people and we like to become a friend to him. If he also develops that trust in us we will become good friends. In a relationship, this trust and honesty should be from both the parties. Otherwise, it will become a temporary relation only. In a relation, both parties to be truthful to the core and they should be honest with each other.