IntroductionWhen two people are in a relationship, there will be lots of arguments and fights. Being in a relationship does not mean that there will not be any conflicts. Though they are in a relationship, but still they are two different people who have different mindsets. Thus, there will be difference of opinion, different views, different perspectives, they will differ in values etc. Need of the hour is to understand reason behind the conflicts. There are many issues on which couples fight. Some fight over same issues again and again. Instead of fighting and creating conflicts over the same issue, it is essential to determine the root cause behind the conflict. Once the underlying root cause is diagnosed which is causing conflict then both the partners together can come to a settlement or an agreement which will be good for their relationship. There is no such issue which cannot be resolved by couples if they come together and adopt peace and harmony.
Reasons on which couples fight and how to solve them
Physical intimacy is an important issue in relationship of couples but still is a very unexpressed issue. Arguments may be regarding to get or not to get physically involved. If they are getting physically involved then arguments will be regarding when to have physical intimacy, how to have it, regarding its frequency, whether to or not to watch pornography etc. Both the partners may not be on the same page and thus either one or sometimes both of them may not enjoy it. Since they are scared to talk about their feelings, they end up ruining the relationship.
How to avoid
It is very important to openly speak about sex problems. While having a dialogue, keep it non-judgmental. Never let conflict arrive immediately after love making session and do not be critical about the same. There are high chances of hurting the partner and making them feel let down. Speak out immediately about the things which are causing discomfort or pain. Do it with kindness so that partner does not get hurt. First and foremost it is important to know what partner likes and what they do not like. Do not put them in an uncomfortable position. Respecting each other's feelings in bedroom is also as important as respecting them anywhere else. Never go to bed in an angry mood. Resolve the issues on daily basis before going to bed. It does not mean that couples need to carry their conflicts to bed. Set some time for resolving disagreements and once they are resolved then move to bedroom.
Infidelity and sex goes hand in hand. Infidelity is actually a matter of trust. It becomes a very big issue, once it has been broken. If one partner has been unfaithful to another in the past then the relationship will always lack trust. Once trust gets broken then in some form or the other, it will haunt the relationship forever and will definitely weaken the bond in considerable amount. The partner who was cheated on will have forever lingering doubtful thoughts in mind and will fear of happening it again. It's like trust broken for once will be broken forever.
How to avoid
Do not think of cheating the partner. Hiding anything is also a kind of cheating and thus keep relationship open. Do not try to conceal anything by fabricating lies. More and more open conversations will keep relationship free spirited and healthy. Then the question of infidelity will never arrive. If trust was broken in the past then try to repair it. Show your partner the changes that have encountered in self. Also, partner should work on building back that trust by supporting the other person completely. Doubts in mind should be removed and together work on building a beautiful relationship and a beautiful future. If either of the person or both the partners are finding things difficult to forgive and forget the incident which has already taken place then take help of some professionals. A professional intervention will provide counseling that will bring back the derailed relationship back on the tracks.
We cannot choose our family nor can we choose our in-laws. Meeting each and every one of them before marriage or before getting into a relationship will really seem to be a tough task to accomplish. In each family, we are ought to find at least one in-law with whom we really cannot bond. In-laws are just part of a package deal. We need to learn to deal with them as they come along with the man or woman of our dreams. When partners try calling names and pay insults to each other's family or each other's children from previous marriage then it becomes really unbearable and conflicts begin. In-laws often play the role of trouble maker when they start interfering too much into intimate affairs.
How to avoid
One need not like their in-laws. All one needs to do is learn to deal with them. There is no need to trespass the boundary and call names or pay insults to each other's family. If a person does not like to see same kind of behavior from his/her partner then they too should not behave in the wrong manner. There is no real way of getting away from relatives, even though they might be living miles apart. Some day or the other, one needs to get along with them, say even if it is for few days. Do not let negativity linger mind as this negativity is going to come out and ruin the sacred relationship. This is because for one partner, these relatives are in-laws, but for the other one, they are family. Just become proactive in addressing the issues. If either of the in-laws is over involved and this is becoming a really big problem then it is high time that their own child should confront this to them rather than son in-law or daughter in-law. The whole problem gets solved automatically if expectations from in-laws are kept at realistic level. Nobody has the power or right to change others. Thus, one need not change in-laws. They are what they are and if possible then limit the exposure to them, if they are really unbearable.
Most of the silly fights which take place between couples on daily basis are regarding each other's annoying habits. Habits if welcomed can become quirky or funny. If unwelcome then becomes annoying. Either one can laugh about them or else for days together can fight about changing each other's habits. Still the root cause will not get eliminated and this is because even after quarreling so much and fighting about the issues, habits remain unchanged. Habits will usually be regarding maintaining tidiness or cleanliness in the house. No two people will have exactly same standards when it comes to maintaining hygiene. Just remember for one partner, the other will always be a slob. To a slob, other partner will be a control freak.
How to solve
Habits are not deep rooted. They can be changed if the person himself or herself wants to change it. If they are not willing to change on their own then no matter how many efforts have been made, nobody in the world can ever change it. Habits like smoking, alcohol consumption or drugs intake, gambling etc are very harmful and thus need to be changed. Rest other habits which are harmless and based on some silly issues hardly require so much of attention and thus there is no need to initiate fights and ruin the relationships. Efforts should be made to change the habits of partners only if they are bad for them or else for the relationship. Habits should not just be changed because they annoy us. If done then this will be a selfish act. Instead of turning the issue in conflict, solve the issues. Talk to them about their habits and support them fully when they are trying to change them. Criticism in no way helps them or the relationship. Accept the differences. Remember that there is a limit for the amount that partner is capable of changing. If this is remembered then as soon as any habit starts annoying us, we can solve conundrum instead of going for arguments.
ConclusionAll the couples fight. Certain issues are universal. Some issues are more threatening and destructive than the others. There is no point in winning the fight because relationship is not a battle and there is no question of winning or losing to your partner. Also, there is no right or wrong when it comes to decision making. Need of the hour is to keep relationship secure and healthy. For this, understand the issues on which conflict begins. Once these issues are understood, both the partners can work together on these issues and solve them. This will prevent further fights and when there is no room for conflicts or arguments in the relationship and in each other's life then relationship becomes healthy and secure. Know more such issues and how to avoid them by going through Top issues couples fight about and ways to resolve them: Part-1.
A very good article. The author tried to bring in various points which can bring in misunderstandings between the couples. It is common to have the difference of opinions between two people. Actually, the pair should think that their togetherness is more important than all the other issues. Once you have such a mindset you can understand the view of the other person with more sympathy. Hence chances of misunderstandings will come down. Both of them should have trust in each other. The parents of both the person are to be treated equally. Once this attitude is developed, life will become more smooth. Instead of arguing on the points we must sit together and discuss. Then a common understanding will come. We should always aim for a win-win situation than one winning and one losing.
Good article by the author to help people understand the do's and don't in a good marriage.Intimacy can often be an issue, unresolved and unsaid for, still, in India, it's taboo to discuss this with family.I think intimacy is often confused for intercourse, this along with misconceptions, expectations and lack of awareness worsens it.
Apart from what the author has mentioned regarding infidelity, I think today's rapid transport, frequent trips related to work, odd night shifts at many places and a liberal view, all make infidelity much easier. I'm surprised that most TV serials that women watch have a couple of parallel themes of infidelity going on. This, to many, can mean that it's not too bad.
Glad that the author has mentioned about in-laws, a good way to keep the issue away is to respect each other's in-laws but be assertive and draw a line as to how much say they have in the marriage.
Habits that were simple pastimes can become complex issues after marriage, the sooner these are modified, the better it comes.