What to do if your Husband spends a lot of time on the computer?


Does your husband spend a lot of time on his computer/laptop? Do you think that he is not spending time for the family? You may be right, but do you know why? Will you get tense if I say the reason is you? I am kidding, that might be the partial reason. This article is for the husbands, who love their family very much, but also get attracted to electronic devices and for the wives who are upset with it.

Why men spend more time on electronic devices?

Human nature in recent era is getting bored on anything very easily. Many psychologies specify that probability of men in this regard is high. They generally look for adventurous things. In stone age, the place of living and the job of men used to be adventurous only. After civilization also, men had more work on outdoors, and they return home tired. Though they had a tiresome work, they also had the fulfillment of doing some adventurous tasks. In the previous century, there were more of desk jobs, they had paper works and more like monotonous jobs, so their job satisfaction is kind of less. Home was their refreshment. In recent days also, many men do not find more satisfaction in their job, because they are either monotonous or stressful. So, they come home with irritated mindset and tries to find their space at home.

When there were no laptops and computers at home, many men spent their time in front of tv by watching news. Many of you could remember what your father and grandfather do at home after returning from office. They will keep switching channels to watch different channel's news. "Knowing the unknown", gives them little pleasure and that is their relaxation.

The reason for watching news does not end up with that. They wish to know new things, at the same time, they want to project themselves as knowledgeable person. They like to involve in all discussions, and prove others, that they know much and can speak about anything. So, they enrich themselves with too much information.

Like what our grandfathers did with newspapers, like what our fathers did with TV, recent men spend much time on laptop/computer," Browsing". They see many reviews of newly introduced phone model, new updates on Operating systems, tries many apps, they simply go through the images of new car models, bikes etc. Like women do in window shopping, they do on virtual shops. Whether they buy or not, read all reviews for many products. Since, web browsers are very similar to web, it takes you different sites, from one product to other, one news to other like that. So, the one who uses it, will not be knowing how much time, they are spending in front of screen.

What about the family time?

I hope, somehow you will agree to the fact that, why men spend more time on laptop/computer. But you are not going to agree that, the same fact would become the reason to minimize his family time. Even I don't agree. So, what can make him to get involved with family and to make him spend enough time with you all.

  1. Welcome home with surprise: A surprise to any person is a delicious food. So, welcome your husband from work with delicious snack depending upon the climate and the time of his return. The happy stomach- not only brings energy to the body, also a fresh mood to the rest of the day. Caution: Don't ask feedback to your recipes. It may put down both of your moods for the rest of the day.

  2. Stop complaining/nagging: Whatever negative happened in the family on that whole day, whatever serious mistakes your kids did that day, stay calm for at least one hour after his return. This will help your kids to greet their dad with happy heart.

  3. Try to be informative:See news, not just believe on WhatsApp and Facebook news. You explore more about the news you receive. Discuss it with him. It is not just to impress your husband or to make him know that you are knowledgeable, this helps your own intelligence too.

  4. Budgeting: Now a day, more bills are paid online. This responsibility may be in the hands of your husband. But, the bigger responsibility of reminding it would be in your hands. I would strongly recommend you to have a joint account and you take the responsibility of paying bills and other financial transactions. This is advantageous in many ways.
    • You have control over his financial activities.
    • you are aware of your family expenses.
    • you are making your family dependent on you.

Coming to the topic, this activity helps you to discuss budget of your family with him. When you discuss about budget of the family with a data in your hand, his importance to your words increases. He listens carefully for sure.
Likewise, bring more common topics, get to know each other better and strengthen your relationship by spending quality time.

Before bringing changes in him, there is other important changes to be made within yourself.
  1. Have your own circle of friends: A study says, "one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends".
    This might look silly, but, this "girlfriend time" gives more relaxation, helps to get out of depression which we often end up showing to husband. Make the "girlfriends time" in a positive way of sharing a mix of fun, ideas, positivism and girly things.

  2. Don't give up on your passion: However, you are restricted to time constraint or mobility constraint, keep your thoughts around your passion and keep reading and writing about it. Your thoughts will drive you towards your passion one day. This will make you come out of a depression that, your life has changed a lot after wedding or thoughts such as.." you prioritize your husband but he is not so…" these complex thoughts will be wiped away from your mind, if you are stuck to your passion.

Conclusion

Nothing is wrong in expecting your husband to spend time with you and children, talk to him about it and tell your expectation. If that takes time for him to understand you, be patient and improve your caliber. Some men are grown kids & learning ability of each kid differs. Some learn to speak in 2 years, some in 3 and some in 5. But parents will not lose their patience and prayers. More importantly, they won't be lamenting about it all day. To any woman, her husband is the first kid, treat him that way and don't forget to enjoy your life moments.


Comments

Author: DR.N.V. Srinivasa Rao26 Dec 2017 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 1

A well-written article. "Husband- he is the first kid of the wife" an excellent thought and comparisons. I felt very happy with the article.

These days it is common in the houses the husband will be sitting with a laptop and the wife with a mobile in her hand. Sometimes all the family members will be sitting together but with their companion in their hands without any discussion or words.

Either husband or wife - we can't expect the other to change without showing any change from our side. If my wife is interested in talking about the politics I should also have to understand the same and see that I will have a good ear for her talk. Then she will give you some time. Always change and cooperation is required from both the parties.

Author: Natarajan26 Dec 2017 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 8

A very practical and realistic article, The human mind needs something different to break the regular pattern of daily life. For many people 'trapped' in the routine of family life, it is difficult to find easy ways to relax and unwind,at least not something as easy as a laptop or a tab wherein a man sitting at home physically has literally an infinite number of ways to explore, have fun, learn, socially connect and chat with friends.

If you wind the clock back and imagine our elders in our villages, do you think husbands were indoors at sundown. No - they would be at the village square under a single lamp, chatting, exchanging stories, settling disputes or arguments, playing games of cards etc. Slowly as times changed, the ways for men to unwind in a good way has also changed.

So, from the village square, men have graduated to TV and tea shops and now at a stage were internet and a laptop/gadget serves the purpose of what the village square did for our elders a few generations ago.

The concept of family time for men also was very little to start with and certainly, it would be more easy to get present day husbands to spend time with quality time with families when compared to the older generation.

Some nice tips to get the husband involved at home is to make him feel useful, what has worked for us is insisting on sitting on the floor for dinner with all the family members, try this, it may sound funny but it works, we have to shift the food containers, hot pack down in the center, one gets the water, one gets the plates, like this all are involved, initially I was reluctant, but after getting the kids off their tabs, I too changed. You can be innovative and try different things like son and myself will do one meal by ourselves once a week ( not too much), we do noodles or rice but it helps us to bond and also we are off the screen,

I am supposed to sit with my son and listen to his day's happenings at school and help him read a lesson or a drawing, again, initially it was more a task, in a couple of weeks, it's very rewarding to see how of your child you didn't know before in the real sense.

Glad that the author has mentioned ways for the wives also to be occupied, as once the wife has something useful to share from a lady's viewpoint among her own circle of friends, it would be easy to accept that husband can be given the same time for him to socialize.

Guest Author: Aish27 Dec 2017

Well written, very mature. The way she wrote about the importance of friendship to women is very true. Looking forward to the upcoming articles from Srimathi.

Author: Ammu J21 Jan 2018 Member Level: Bronze   Points : 3

Hai mam ! Your article is mind blowing why I'm saying this means your thoughts and ideas are peculiar and unique also . This can be seen in everyday life and facing by all the wives in their homes but the way you expressed is something wonder . Not all can express but few can touch the heart and you are few among the all mam. Keep rocking and expect more from you mam.



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