Mistakes to avoid in a marriage


It is human to make mistakes but certain times these mistakes can make us end up in a divorce. It is our duty to be vigilant and carefully handle each situation to have a happy life, Through this article, you will learn about the five 'Don'ts' in a married relationship.

Introduction

The relationship between husband and wife is a lovely one but it is like a glass bowl which needs to be handled carefully. A small ignorance or mistake can make it shatter into pieces. It is rightly said that sound is produced only when both the hands are clapped together. Similarly, to create or to avoid an issue, both the husband and wife play equal roles. We have seen people blaming "he/she is at fault". I would say, both are at fault, one person for making the mistake and the other for not preventing it from happening. Listen, marriage is not a one-man show, you both are required to put in sacrifices, responsibilities, adjustments etc. Through this article, I am briefing about the five common mistakes couples make, which can make their life miserable.

  1. Neglecting the positives and concentrating on negatives: It is a normal tendency to highlight the negative side of anyone and anything. No person is born just with negatives. Your partner too has certain positives. Be happy about it and appreciate him/her for being nice and for the good things they do. Recognizing them is a great thing which many fail to do. If you can find time to point out their mistakes, why not to appreciate them as well. We mainly are concerned about the bad things happened to us and weep over it, be thankful for the goods things as well. Stop concentrating on the negatives of your partner as it is irritating to them as well as it irritates you. It will end up in you spoiling your relationship. Keep in mind that no one is perfect and you need to accept the imperfections of your spouse so that they also accept you as you are. You can't always expect one person to change, you should be ready to change yourselves too. Stop being a bad critic and start enjoying the small things in life


  2. Not ready to adjust and being demanding : To have a happy and long-lasting relationship both the partners must be ready to adjust. Just one person adjusting always ruins the relation. Who wouldn't get bored of it? For instance, watching TV or sitting on your smartphone and ignoring the part that you have to cook and ending up ordering from outside is not a good practice. All these can happen once in a while but never make it an everyday practice. This will definitely annoy your partner. What if he does the same to you? Instead of taking you out on weekends, if he is on his mobile or watching TV, won't you get angry? Hence both the partners should decide on their duties, agree mutually and do it properly and responsibly. When you have not done your part, do not blame your spouse for they not doing their bit. Never let your spouse feel that you are not caring them. Everyone needs care, comfort, and love. It is a human tendency to tend towards the side from where we get these. Never let your relationship break just because of your laziness. Try to reach up to the expectations of your partner. They will definitely be good to you when they are happy


  3. Complaining and not thinking from their side: You never know what the other person is going through unless you are in their shoes. Hence we can't judge someone just like that. It is a common practice seen in many relationships, wherein each partner blames the other. I do not understand how it is going to help. Before blaming your spouse try to understand their situation and what they are going through. If she/he is late, they might have a valid reason for being late. Have patience, listen to them before jumping into them. If the reason is convincing, stay cool and if you do not find it worth, speak to them and make them understand how you feel rather than yelling. Mutual understanding is very vital for a healthy and happy relationship. Try to think from your partner's side as well, so you can take a better decision as you have a view of both the sides. If we are into finding faults, we will find it everywhere and no one else will like it. Why do we make our habits a reason for others hating us?


  4. Not caring, loving and satisfying your partner: Everyone requires care, love, and satisfaction. Life becomes horrible when we think only about ourselves and our satisfaction. Like us, our partner too needs care, support and above all satisfaction. Ask them about how they feel and if you require any sort of improvements or change. Similarly, speak to your partner in the areas where they need to change. Love your spouse, be with them, find time for them, understand them, their likes and dislikes. Also, keep them satisfied in your sexual life. Love is to be shown and not to be hidden deep inside. When your partner realizes your love and care, they will definitely love you more. Respect your spouse and be faithful and honest. Consult with them when making decisions relating to them or that has an impact on them. Keep in mind you are one, hence avoid selfish nature if any. Never tie up your spouse for the sake of your happiness. Let them enjoy and have fun as much as you do. Personal, lonely moments are required for both once in a while, give space then. Indulging too much or very less in your partner's affairs is not a good practice. You should know the limits and act accordingly. If you are capable of understanding your partner better than anyone, happiness will come your way


  5. Making fun, teasing or being angry in public: Teasing or making fun simply as a joke once in a while is fine, provided your partner enjoys it or takes it in the same spirit. But never insult them knowingly or unknowingly by teasing them. Especially in public, we have to be careful about what to say and what not to say. Only do those things that you will like if someone else does that to you. If you have ever insulted your spouse, it is something that cannot be erased. They might forgive you but the mark so created will remain deep inside their heart. Another thing to be avoided is any sort of physical violence, be it privately or in public. Slapping or hurting someone is not the right way of correcting or changing them. It will do more of bad than good. Give respect and take respect. Don't just expect everything to be one-sided. understand your partner too can develop egos, selfishness, anger, hatred and so on. Never let revenge to grow in your spouse's mind. Have proper communication daily and sort out things then and there. If you find your partner is not taking it in the right sense, clear it immediately rather than making it blow


Conclusion

None can be a perfect spouse, everyone has their own flaws and good qualities. People are different, some may have patience but some are short-tempered, some will be active and a few may be lazy. Like that there are many factors that differentiate each individual. The first thing we need to learn is to accept our spouse as they are. Remember their mistakes can be corrected. There is no other medicine better than love, use it to change your partner and to make him/her as the perfect partner you want to have. Never compare your life or your partner with the next door neighbor as I said above, not everyone is the same. Your partner might have some qualities that the neighbor's partner does not have. Finding those and be proud of it. Also, appreciate your spouse for accepting you, as even you are not perfect. Communication is the core element. Even if it is a small issue, talk to each other and sort it at the initial stage itself rather than letting it develop and grow out of control.


Comments

Author: Natarajan05 Jan 2018 Member Level: Diamond   Points : 5

In any relationship, there would be arguments and disagreements, it is taken to the next level only if both parties are adamant and stick to their grounds. At such times, it is important to remember that at least one partner has to have the maturity to back off for sometime, allow the other person to vent out their feelings and then take up the issue after a few days. Some may not like the idea of a compromise or backing off but this practically is the one of the keys to a success in the long run.

Focusing on the negatives is sadly a human trait that is difficult to get rid off. In our jobs, at home, even at school, good deeds or behaviour is not acknowledged as easily or as quickly as being pulled up for mistakes and faults. Similarly, in a marriage, it is common to highlight the negatives of each other, again, here people have to make a conscious effort to look beyond and nurture what is good in each other and the relationship.

A long successful marriage means a long list of small sacrifices and a lot of give and take. In a marriage, one cannot be too rigid, authoritative or demanding. Many men who are used to being 'obeyed' without questions by their own family members or at their workplaces. Such people often expect the same thing at home after getting married and find it hard to accept that they have to adjust and the other person in the marriage is also equally important. The responsibilities that marriage brings in needs to be shared and supported by each other.

It is far more easy to complain than to understand the husband or wife, this gets worse especially if one of them is passive during arguements and fights. Often, as the marriage goes on, complaints are on the rise with love and affection slowly becoming less and less. This is one of the early signs that the marriage is not all that rosy. Both partners should take time to have a holiday, a dinner, a short break for the stress of life so that they can renew the old spark between them.

I'm glad that the author has brought out the last point well. Even a child does not want to be scolded in front of his or her friends. They feel embarrassed, imagine the same with the husband or wife often scolding, passing sarcastic remarks against their spouses in the presence of friends or relatives or servants at home. With this the person suffering gives up hope in the marriage and just lives on for the sake of children or pressure from their parents etc.

The basic trick is to treat the spouse as a friends, give them their space and their identity within the family and outside. Focus on the bond between both and the good qualities rather than each others deficiencies because nobody is perfect, so are marriages also.



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