What to do when your child displays good behavior


Every parent wants to be proud of their child, so when the child comes up with something good or does something good, parents are tempted to reward them. Rewards reinforce good behaviour. But some parents go out of their way in rewarding their child, thus spoiling him/her. It is necessary to know how much to reward.

We raise our children with a lot of care. We want them to be useful and good citizens when they grow up. So we try our best to give them morals and habits. And to patronize these good habits we offer our kids rewards. Tempted by these little rewards children unknowingly follow many good habits.

Imagine, your 3-year-old son woke up before you in the morning and comes to you to wake you up. Like any other parent, you too would be surprised and happy that your son woke up on his own. He deserves a reward. But what sort of reward should you give him?

A reward can be anything from a hug to a fancy car. In the above case, few candies might suffice as a reward. But think of the relevance of your reward too. Rewards are meant to reinforce a good behaviour. So gifting your 3-year-old a children's wrist watch is not a bad idea here. You are not spoiling him here. You can even educate the child about time. This way, by rewarding a gift related to time, you have patronized the child to wake up early.

What are the things that parents need to consider before rewarding their wards:


  1. Children look for their parent's approval in everything they do. Make sure you appreciate them sufficiently. It's a reward on its own.

  2. Parents must confirm that the initiative was definitely made by the child and not by the prompting of someone else. If the habit was a result of promoting by some X, the child might listen to the X more, establishing in his mind that he gets rewarded every time he listened to X.

  3. Note how I mention "parents". Every reward given to the child must be born from the unison opinion of both the parents. If this gentle balance shifts, the child might favour and prefer one parent to other, which is very undesirable.

  4. Make sure that the reward brings a perspective with it. Every reward you gift should inculcate a new habit or behaviour in your child.

  5. Ex: Your son got very good marks in his final exams. Buy him a guitar. This will allow him to test his other talents.
  6. Try to personalize your reward. Show that you've put in efforts from your side and didn't merely buy something. You can do it by giving a beautiful wrap to the reward. By writing a small, sweet letter and pinning it to the reward. This will make the rewarded item personal to your child.

  7. The reason for which you wanted to reward your child should clearly reflect in the rewarded item.
  8. Rewards should be occasional. Refrain from rewarding your child every now and then.

  9. Remember that rewards are not always materialistic. You can offer temporary privileges as rewards too to your kids. Like letting your child stay up late for the night or let him/her watch their favourite channel whole day.

  10. Sometimes spending a good amount of time together is the best reward.

  11. Do not buy way too expensive gifts for trivial reasons. Instead, put on a chart. Tell your children that if they kept their good behaviour you'll cross out the number of boxes in the chart. When the chart is fully crossed, the children are eligible for their gift. This way even without rewarding the children at the moment we can instigate good character in them. In fact, you would have ended up instigating multiple good habits into your child through this "chart" system.

  12. Think how your reward can be useful to your child in a long run.

Teach your children to not flaunt their rewards because they have earned it with their efforts. Parents struggle a lot, trying to build a good character in their offspring. The "chart" system of rewarding is a really intelligent idea which gives your child a goal. It also installs into the minds of our children the idea that humans generally strive to be good. So, follow the above considerations next time when your child behaves well.


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